Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
(PG, 1:20:57, Released 1964)
|Genres:||Kids & Family, Classics, Science Fiction & Fantasy, Comedy|
|Release Date:||Jan 1, 1964|
|DVD Release Date:||Nov 23, 2004|
|Starring:||Vincent Beck, James Cahill, John Call, Donna Conforti, Josip Elic, Jamie Farr, Leonard Hicks, Lelia Martin, Bill McCutcheon, Christopher Month|
|Directed by:||Nicholas Webster|
|Synopsis:||Alien invaders kidnap everyone's favorite right jolly old elf in this low-budget mixture of children's comedy and sci-fi adventure. Christmas is not far away, and countless children are glued to their family's TV sets, watching reports about Santa Claus (John Call). However, this is happening on Mars, and leaders of the Red Planet aren't sure what to do for their kids who are pining away for a visit from the gift-bearing earthling. Martian leader Kimar (Leonard Hicks) dispatches two of his emissaries, the chronically grumpy Voldar (Vincent Beck) and the moronically cheerful Dropo (Bill McCutcheon), to Earth to bring Santa back for a visit. After arriving on Earth, Voldar and Dropo abduct two children, Betty (Donna Conforti) and Billy (Victor Stiles), and order the kids to show them the way to Santa's workshop, from which all three are taken to Mars against their will. As Santa, Betty, and Billy try to find a way back to Earth, Voldar becomes enraged with the Earth kids, while the children bond more comfortably with the intellectually-challenged Dropo. Shot on a shoestring budget on Long Island, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians has developed a rabid cult following over the years, and yes, it's true, Kimar's daughter Girmar really is played by a ten-year-old Pia Zadora. ~ Mark Deming, Rovi|
|Full movie details|
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Other Top Reviews
December 20, 2010
I just happened to catch this movie on TV the other night, unfortunately. It's got an interesting story, which may have been the inspiration for Disney's new movie Mars Needs Moms, because in this movie the kids of mars need a Santa. This movie is complete cheese, with bad actors, dialogue, special effects, directing, the works! An interesting bad movie, though.
July 6, 2009
In the right company and with loads of "adult" beverages, this one could be a scream. But watch it alone and you'd wish you were dead just to escape a world that would allow crap like this to be produced.
April 3, 2008
The ultimate Christmas cheese!
January 12, 2008
Some films are so bad, they're funny. Some films are so bad, they're just BAD.
January 3, 2008
Hooray For Santy Claus... err, no. This movie is beyond terrible. Try to cram Plan Nine From Outer Space, The Three Stooges, and some general Yuletide Spirit into a single film, and this monstrosity shambles into being like a man in badly-made Polar Bear costume.
Be sure to take a lot of eggnog before undertaking this one, and it just might be more entertaining than watching a Yule Log.
Be warned: no actual conquering occurs in this film in any way, shape or form. It's "Miracle on 34th Street", only 34th street has been replaced with Mars somehow.
July 15, 2007
Bad in a cheap and boring way. Some of the characters were mighty annoying. My favorite sequence was the opening song "Hooray for Santy Claus", which was too awesome. The movie itself is just dumb, and nothing the cult-movie cravers should even consider.
June 6, 2007
Incredibly crap, but another piece of waste turned classic thanks to the guys at Mystery Science Theatre 3000. Can't help but laugh. One of the best of the bads.
December 31, 2011
A ridiculously awesome concept makes for some seriously great bad campy cinema. The zanny and off-the-wall plot is so deliciously wacky that the film can be watched, mocked, and enjoyed to a very high degree. Despite the enjoyment you can get from simply watching the film I highly recommend watching the MST3K version. It is one of Mystery Science Theaters best works.
October 23, 2010
If you took a director with an idea to mix sci-fi with Christmas, stir in a couple of D-list actors, and some of your local community theater rep company, (including the lighting, sound and set construction crews) and put them together to do a Christmas story, this would be the result. It's so incredibly inept and lame, yet you can see it, plain as day: They were utterly sincere! It was somebody's belief that it would be a hit, and it was someone's labor of love.
It's like those people on American Idol that can't sing, and are completely deluded, that's how bad it is. Someone ought to have told them. Someone ought to have accidentally lost the negatives.
But wait, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians gave life to a really good episode of MST3K; so that's one positive. It has a happy ending, that's two positives. It's really very inoffensive, that's three positives.
In fact, it's risen above how bad it is to become a really enjoyable thing to watch at the sheer awfulness. In other words, it really does have some of the Christmas spirit in it: It will make you laugh, or at least you'll be able to fall asleep on Christmas Eve watching it, with visions of really creepy guys in green suits and bad makeup dancing in your head.
I give it 10% because it's 100% better than a zero for comic relief. Apologies to the West Minnetonka Community Theater Company for making fun of their sets. (They disavow all knowledge of this film)
PS DO NOT show this film to your kids. They may be permanently scarred, and become somewhat Scrooge-like in their later years.
December 19, 2010
Wow. I'm not sure what to say. Oh wait, yes I do - I'll never watch this again!
July 10, 2009
Good enough to make fun of and laugh at with friends
December 7, 2008
It's what you'd expect. A great curio, a bad movie. A great bad movie as well.
March 6, 2012
One of the worst films ever made. No changing it.
Pretty simple plotline: Children on Mars are bored and unhappy, so some Martians go and kidnap Santa and some kids. One specific Martian, Voldar, is planning to kill Santa and the kids against his commander's will.
I first saw this on a list of the worst films ever made, and wanted to see for myself how bad this really was. It's bad, boring, and for sure a low-budget making. It wouldn't even appeal to its targeted audience, the kids. They would be horribly bored and wouldn't get it.
Now for my hatred of the characters. First, Dropo. He is one of the most annoying and idiotic characters I've ever seen, a complete moron. Billy and his sister, Betty, are morons at acting. And Voldar- Voldar has an epic mustache.
And did you know that the guns used in the film are plastic guns painted silvers and edited noise? Not amused.
September 11, 2011
Ridiculous Holiday/Science Fiction/Fantasy B-movie about Martians who decide they want Christmas too and steal Santa from Earth. The movie is just terrible, but it can be quite fun if you want a laugh.
December 21, 2010
This one of those movies one can categorize as "so bad it's good" but I must add that it really resembles a Lollywood flick, yes it's just as shitty, but has a charm to it or is it just the awe in which the spectator will be amazed scene after scene asking him or herself "how did they?" to end with "how the hell did I even watch this piece of crap?".
Yes, it's terrible and I don't recommend it, but if you happen to come across it beware, cos you're certain to stick through it all the way to the end.
I deserve a full star for the balls shown by not throwing it in a bonfire.
December 23, 2009
I understand the film title is Santa Claus Conquers The Martians, but these aliens will have to kidnap the jolly old man first. No one on Mars is receiving presents on the holidays so when the kids are glued to the TV set showing Earth programs the plan is carried out. And coming along with Santa are two Earth kids "vanished into thin air" before Christmas Eve. This is another case of cheesy campfest I've ever watched, and the opening and closing song is somewhat the corniest tune I've ever heard in such film. If the studio sets here are too cheap to produce, so is the budget. My verdict? I actually like this campfest.
December 5, 2009
I'm really surprised to not see Ed Wood's name not attached to this garbage. I wish I would have seen the MST3K version because at least I would have had a laugh. This really is one of the worst movies every made. From horrible costumes, bad set and even worse acting, I would have liked to have been a fly on the wall when they were showing this movie to the studio exec that green lighted this. This is even a bad movie for children.
October 11, 2009
This movie is such complete nonsense. It makes pretty good viewing if you're making fun of it with a friend, but as far as actual quality of movie goes... well, there isn't any. Also, be forewarned: At no point does any conquering actually happen during this movie. I know I, for one, was quite disappointed by that.
September 17, 2009
"Hooray for Santy Claus!" That's the main lyric in the theme song for this movie and it certainly is catchy. The rest of the movie feels so disjointed it's no wonder IMDB lists this as the only movie written by the 2 writers of this masterpiece and one of the 50 worst movies ever made.
Martian children who watch Earth TV (?) are upset that they have no Santa. Their wise elder has foreseen this and says Christmas must come to Mars. So of course, Martians kidnap Santa. Boredom ensues.
There didn't feel to be any cohesiveness with the story as it sort of goes from one plot point to another, to another, clumsily.
Note the same scene stock footage of the Air Force in Dr. Strangelove was used in this movie.
July 23, 2009
Oh goodness, what a great camp classic! Honestly, how can you seriously take a movie called "Santa Clause Conquers the Martians" as anything short of a silly, so-bad-it's-good time? A must-watch around the holidays, with or without the MST3K crew.
April 11, 2009
As a would-be blend of charming Christmas whimsy and gee-whiz space race-era sci-fi adventure, "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is woefully, sometimes even disturbingly inept. Despite its brilliant title, this thing fails on pretty much every level... the humor is groan-inducing, the sci-fi elements are abysmal (particularly the special effects, including cardboard spaceships, ray guns clearly culled from the discount bin at the local toy store, sickly-green Martians, and the fakest-looking polar bear ever filmed), and the story meanders from one uninteresting development to another with no particular rhyme or reason. Couple that with the constant, creepy laughter of Santa himself (which seems to make up about half of his dialogue), and you've got some potential nightmare fodder for your little ones. In fact, this bargain-basement attempt at children's entertainment is so far off the mark, it zooms right past "awful" and achieves a sort of hypnotic bad-movie bliss... the more it hurts, the funnier it gets, particularly after a beer or two.
July 18, 2008
When I see the word "Conquer", I want bloody, violent conflict replete with shoulder-mounted rocket launchers, dead elves everywhere, and half-naked chicks, and stuff. I felt very let down.
January 24, 2008
This movie is crazy hilarious...a new tradition of holiday movie watching should start with this one
August 13, 2007
Quite possibly the dumbest idea for a movie premise ever conceived. I mean, C'mon people! Pia Zadora and Klinger as your lead roles? Someone must've been hard up for a paycheck to do this idiotic tripe.
July 7, 2007
Quite comfortably positioned in the middle of "so bad it's good territory" It's a must at Christmas.