My Favorite Movies

Plot: Solid
Acting: Popcorn movie
Special Effects: Holy Shit! I pooped myself.

The Skinny: Imagine Fight Club but with alot more guns.
Right away you can tell this moive is different. The effects and stunts are freakin crazy. It felt fresh and new. Seriously, if this movie doesn?t have you hooked by 20min in you?re dead inside. A car launches off the side of bus for gawds sake! The major stars are Morgan Freeman (always cool as ice) and Angelina Jolie (she is BA fer sure, altho the sex appeal is starting to slip). You do have to get past goat boy from Narnia as the boy assassin and Common as the gunsmith but Freeman, Jolie and the effects carry you past those weak performances. The movie really does have the Fight Club feel to it with the self narriation about how life is shit, a great twist in the plot, and plenty of comic relief. Poor Janice, goat boy?s boss. We all have or have had a boss like her. You know the one, where if we had a VR machine like in Minority Report, she?d be toast. Looks like its been a few lines since I mentioned the special effects so let me reiterate: between the car chases, car crashes, slow motion/stop sequences, and the all around ass kicking stunts - if you are a true action fan, you will worship this movie. I have to warn the faint of heart tho, this movie is rated R and it pushes the R to the max. Lots of intense bloody violence, but lets face it: (and i know this is sooo unPC of me) gratuitous violence is what makes action movies grand. Really tho, when a guy gets shot thru the eye and the gun that shot this eye is inserted thru the hole where this eye used to be. That?s kinda cool. But while inside if that gun keeps firing using this dude?s head like a silencer taking down 3 or 4 more bad guys, see thats just down right giggley.

Best Line of the Movie:
Its not spoken but when goat boy cracks his best friend in the face with a keyboard, in slow motion the keys fly off spelling F*CK YOU with the U being dude?s tooth. genius!

The Verdict:
Big thumbs up! You should watch this movie dude!!

I grew up in the age of action stars. Big budget blow em up giants like Chuck Norris, Sylvester Stallone, Steven Segal, Bruce Willis, or Arnold Schwarzenegger. Like any good 14 year old, I dug em all but by far Arnold was my fav. He was never to disappoint with strong action hero one-liners delivered with the greatest accent to imitate ever. Seriously, tomorrow bust out a ?GET TO THE CHOPPAH!? and just watch the joy it incites. So, let?s take a stroll down memory lane with one of Arnold?s best movies of the 80?s: The Running Man.

Let?s Jump In
So basically, it?s the future and it?s not the cool version of the future like the one with flying cars, plastic outfits, and the kitchen appliance that reads your mind to find whatever it is you?re craving and POOF, it materializes. No it?s the shitty future, the one where the world economy collapses and there are police states, riots, and food shortages. Wait, why does that seem familiar? O snap, I think it just got all nostradamus up in here. You think I?m kidding? This is from the opening title scene:

"By 2017 the world economy has collapsed. Food, natural resources, and oil are in short supply. A police state, divided into paramilitary zones, rules with an iron hand."

Dude, that?ll be right at the end of Obama?s second term?

So since most people apparently live in shanty towns and endure some type of violence daily, it?s not a stretch that a violent tv show is the most popluar. The Running Man is a show where convicted criminals have to make it through four quadrants without losing to a stalker. And in losing, I mean getting killed. And in getting killed, I mean in the most horrific way possible. Well, you know, there are ratings to think of. Now, Arnold plays an ex-military choppah pilot who was framed for the slaughter of 1500 civilians during a food shortage riot. He becomes known as The Butcher of Bakersfield and goes to jail, then escapes, then sorta joins the resitance, gets caught AGAIN, then ends up being forced to appear on the next episode of everbody?s favorite tv show: Fear Factor 2.0. But don?t worry, the one-liners flow like the great Nile and the stalkers are a wonderful who?s who of 80?s B-list action stars all with funny American Gladiator names.

Top Ten Reasons this Movie Breathes Awesomeness

1. It?s based on a novel by Stephen King. You heard of him? That one dude who?s sold more books than anyone else on the planet. Maybe off planet too but I?ll have to check the sales figures on the Bible or Dianetics.

2. It?s directed by Paul Michael Glaser. Now wait, you?ve never heard of him? Oh sure you have, does Detective Dave Starsky ring a bell? Ok, these days he just does commercials for some loan place with a treadmill which is probably easier to direct than Arnold Schwarzenegger.

3. The host of The Running Man is played by Richard Dawson. Hands down the best celebrity regular on Match Game, this man was a PIMP. He would have either Betty White or Fannie Flagg on one side and some young starlet on the other. Dude would mac.

4. Professor Toru Tanaka as Subzero, our first stalker. Yes, the guy who looks like oddjob from Goldfinger and who was formally the WWF tag team champion with Mr. Fuji. Now here he plays the Japanese sterotype strong-man who yells BONZAI as he skates. Yes, you read that right, he is on ice skates. Of course in the Japanese NHL the hockey sticks are made by Ginsu?.

5. The second stalker: Buzzsaw. Played by the powerlifter Gus Rethwisch. For this guy just think Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets The Road Warrior but with ear protection and safety glasses.

6. The third stalker: Dynamo. This guy sings opera, has an electric mohawk, and can shoot lightning from his hands. Oh yeah, and he looks like a Christmas tree.

7. Jim Brown as Fireball, the fourth stalker. Equipped with a jetpack, flame thrower, and a pepe le pew fade haircut, he chases down Arnold wearing what appears to be chain mail or a shark suit.

8. Jesse Ventura as our final stalker: Captain Freedom. YES wet get a barbed wire, steel cage match between two soon-to-be governors!

9. The body count is 1535.

Let?s break that down:
1 - prisoner worked to death
1 - prisoner with blown up head
3 - escaping prisoners
17 - cops
4 - stalkers
2 - ex prisoner buddies
3 - last season?s winners
2 - fake contestants
1 - tv audience memeber
1 - tv host
1500 - unarmed civilians (uncredited)

10. And best for last: the One-Liners.

"Hey Killian! Here is Subzero. Now plain zero."

That's deep Arnold.

"What happened to Buzzsaw?" "He had to split."

It's like he paints a picture with words.

"You BASTARD! Drop dead!" "I don't do requests."

YES! By far my favorite. Arnold, thank you.

The Verdict:
Big Thumbs up! See, Ahhhnolld never disappoints. Behind the Terminator and Conan movies, The Running Man is a must have for a Schwarzenegger fan. It has a big cast, hell I didn?t even mention Mick Fleetwood and Dweezil Zappa are in there. It has bigger action, um c?mon - a ginsu hockey stick, a chainsaw, lightning, and a flame thrower! But I think its biggest draw today is how close it could be to the truth. With the economy in the toilet and reality tv blowing up, this movie hits pretty close to home. Gawd I hope that doesn?t mean Governor Schwarzenegger is our savior in real life too.

Plot: A blow-out bachelor party in Vegas. 4 friends, 1 night - ahh the debauchery!
Acting: Absolutely superb! Incredible comic timing and great cast chemistry.
Special Effects: Pretty tame here. It is a comedy after all.

The Skinny: Prepare to laugh ?till you cry. Like a baby. Named Carlos.
The Hangover is directed by Todd Phillips who previously brought us the comic gem Old School and he really took it to a new level here. I was completely blown away by the comedic genius of the writing, the directing, and the timing of almost all cast members. Seriously my belly hurt at the end of this flick. Now I won?t go too far into the plot here. I don?t want to be one of those douche bag reviewers who write spoiler alert and then expect you to stop reading their shit. If you?re like me, you can?t stop reading. You?ve already caught the tag words out of the corner of your eye and why thank you, flick spoiled. All I will say is the story consists of four dudes and their trip to Vegas for a bachelor party. The groom to be is played by Justin Bartha and you?ll remember him as Nick Rage Cage?s sidekick in the National Treasure flicks. The three buddies are played by Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, and Zach Galifianakis. Cooper you?ll recall as the deek head from Wedding Crashers. Helms you?ll recognize from The Office or as the reporter from Evan Almighty. And the dude with the weird Greek last name? Not sure if you?ll know him at all, although I think I call to mind, he was in one of my top five favorite comedies Bubbleboy.

Basically the four drive into Vegas, check into their hotel, enjoy a toast and shot of Jager on the roof, and then wake up. The rest of the flick is a discovery process of 1) where the hell is the groom to be? and 2) what the hell did we do last night? The flick is like a Dude, Where?s My Car? version of the Tom Hanks movie Bachelor Party. Each new thing they discover about the night before just builds off the one before. It?s like a ladder of hilarity and we just keep climbing up the rungs. What really makes this flick great is the chemistry these four relatively lesser known actors have. All spot on and specifically the character Alan who is the bro in law to be, is so pleasurably kooky, he steals the show. In fact these guys are so good that the presence of Heather Grahm, the usual flick killer, had no negative influence at all!

The Verdict:
Up and down just a wickedly funny movie. In fact The Hangover is so good that I think we can now forgive the director Todd Phillips for his last contribution to Hollywood, the dry heave producing flick School for Scoundrels. So my man is still batting 2 for 3 and I seriously can?t wait ?till his next comedy romp. Oh, one thing I do HAVE to warn you about. And I only say this because I wish someone would have done the same for me when I originally saw the flick Boogie Nights. If you saw that flick too and remember the ending - uh huh enough said. If not be prepared for the photo montage during the credits to end with some rather disturbing images. Overall, a great flick to enjoy and laugh your ass off, and waaaay worth what ever ridiculous amount is now gonna show up on my credit card statement!

For the full review and other funny flickers visit: http://theflicker.com/

The Plot: Rage Against the Machine - 1920?s style.
Acting: Ever watch a silent film before? Dude checking the time is flickin? dramatic!
Special Effects: So good it?s hard to comprehend this flick was made in 1927.

The Skinny: Did you just say silent film?!?
Yes Meldiana, yes I did. Hey, The Flicker loves movies and will give any flick a day in court. Some times that?ll bite me (see last review) but some times I?ll be pleasantly surprised. So, I had heard whispers of this flick in the past, would see it on some pundit?s top 100 list, and so on. But a Christmas ago, Mrs. Flicker set me up with this book called 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die and this flick made the cut. Before this, the oldest flick I had ever seen was The Wizard of Oz which was made in 1939 so as you can imagine I was a little apprehensive making this flick queue-worthy. But I threw caution to the wind and plopped it on there. Yes I know, I?m dangerous. Fast forward almost a year later (yes my queue is that flickin? long) and Metropolis came knockin on my door. I said hey, we?ve been waiting for you! Ok I just lied to you. I did not sing the theme song to Three?s Company to this flick. Basically it arrived and I sat on it for like a month. Finally I talked myself into watching it and plugged it into the dvd player. WOW, was seriously good. I mean if you can get past the dramatic chipmunk acting and the keystone cop-like running around, this flick is good. Great story and for 1920?s technology the effects are impressive! Hollywood could remake this movie today and the story would be completely relatable. Check it out:

Metropolis is about a big city and its great divide between the upper ruling class and the lower working class. The city is run with a heavy hand by Joh Fredersen who holes up in his tower hawking all the day to day activities. His son Freder, spends his days in the Eternal Gardens frolicking through flower meadows and chasing tail. (Which by the way was apparently extra fine in 1927 Germany) But, during a typical slacker day for Freder at the Eternal Gardens a woman named Maria busts in followed by 30 or so children. Apparently on a field trip from Kindercare, we find out these are the children of the workers and she tells them ?Look! These are your brothers.? Freder catches flies as he stares open mouthed at the huddled dirty children and is visibly touched. Enter Eternal Garden security team. But as the goons usher out Maria and her ragamuffin bunch the damage is already done. Her haunting soul piercing look has hooked Freder and he frantically chases after her.

In his search he finds himself lost in the underworld of Metropolis. Remember those old filmstrips you were shown in school about the industrial revolution? It looked kind of like that. Bodies everywhere, big machinery, large billows of smoke rising above. Just as Freder is watching this ruckus, he witnesses an industrial accident as the machine bursts into flames. One of my favorite parts of this flick, Freder begins hallucinating something straight out of Pink Floyd?s The Wall. He watches in horror as the machine feeds on its workers. Awesome! Well, as you can imagine this doesn?t sit to well with our hero and he starts to really question if Daddy knows how much the people are suffering.

He rushes to his father and barges in just as some major shit goes down. A foreman turned in some secret plans he found in one of the dead worker?s pants from the accident and old man Fredersen is pissed! He fires his number one henchman for not knowing of the secret plot first. The son is basically blown off as Fredersen desperate to translate the secret plans storms off to the local crazy inventor. Freder returns to the underworld and decides to trade places with one of the workers to really get taste of crap life. As his son slaves away at one of his machines Fredersen shows the secret plans to Rotwang. So, in addition to being a bat-shit crazy inventor he also has the worst name known to man. Rotwang quickly translates the secret message as a map of the underground catacombs and an invite to a secret worker meeting. Of course Federsen immediately wants to bum rush the meeting but Rotwang gives him the ole ?hey wait, while you?re here, check this shit out?. Now I?ve established this guy is crazy, right? Well apparently he?s pretty lonely as well because they guy built a robot he calls Machine Man. All proud of his creation he introduces his toy to Federsen.

Well Federsen isn?t that all impressed and gives Rotwang a ?wow man, um that?s awesome but can we hit those catacombs now?? So Rotwang shows Federsen down his personal tunnels into the underworld. Meanwhile Freder is wondering why the hell he changed places with the worker dude when he could be chasin? some German von bosom instead of sweatin his ass off. As the shift whistle blows a fellow co-worker fills him in on the secret meeting and they both make their way through the catacombs. So guess who?s leading this secret swaray. Yep our frizzy haired Maria. She preaches to the workers about the downfalls of not having open communication with the ruling class and warns them of impending doom if things don?t change. And then she drops the best line of the entire flick. Seriously, the chick is a philosopher. Ok more like whoever wrote the screenplay is but still:

There can be no understanding between the hand and the brain unless the heart acts as a mediator.

Brilliant! Tell me you could not apply that today. So as the shindig ends Fredersen is livid. How dare this tramp feed HIS workers this. Afraid they may revolt he instructs Rotwang to turn his Machine Man into a copy of Maria and have the robot version of Maria perform some seriously character assassinating actions. While they return to Rotwangs house we notice that Freder stuck around after all the workers left so he could profess his love to Maria. As they talk she pleads of him to become the mediator she spoke off and of course he immediately agrees. He wants in her lederhosen after all. As he speeds away to prepare Rotwang shows back up and kidnaps Maria in preparation to have Machine Man replace her. At this point we discover that Rotwag has a serious grudge against Joh Fredersen. He does what he asked in turning the Machine Man into a copy of Maria but instead of discrediting Maria he programs it to stir the pot even more and incite a riot of the working class. So basically she goes Chicago Seven and whips up the masses into believing its time to burn this mutha down.

Freder realizes right away that this is not the Maria he fell in love with and seeks out Rotwang. Playing the role of Underdog he rescues Maria and they jump into action. See in the masses rush to burn the city they don?t realize that in doing so and shutting down the brain of the city it will in turn end up flooding their underworld. And being a riot is no place for children, all their ankle biters look to be a part of a water park that makes Wisconsin Dells look weak sauce. Well our dynamic duo swoops in to rescue the kids and usher them up to higher ground. At this point our working class realize the oopsies and start blaming the evil version Maria. They capture and burn her at the stake. In burning she turns back into Machine Man and they realize that they?ve been duped by Rotwang. During this time Rotwang is chasin what he thinks is his robot tail. Freder comes flyin off the top rope like Jimmy Superfly Snuka and saves Maria. Once again. Rotwang ends up falling to his death and the working mass celebrate Freder and Maria as the mediators they truly are. Aww life between the working class and ruling class is now equal. OK, the ending may be a bit far fetched.

The Verdict:
The kumbaya ending aside, I really liked this flick. Again you have to go into it with different expectations but if you like a good story and can deal with the lack of audible dialog, you will enjoy this flick. So hey! Live life on the wild side and take a chance. Your artsy fartsy sophisticated side will thank me.

See the full review and other funny flickers visit: http://theflicker.com/.