my all time worst flims i have viewed so far...


  1. thewellieboy
  2. peter

a brief list of the worst films ive suffered

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1
Monster a-Go Go 1965,  PG)
Monster a-Go Go
Re-Review of MONSTER A GO-GO (1965): A movie SO PAINFULY BAD I'm bewildered why decide to write a re-review of this film. After a second viewing of this film my opinion has changed very little, MONSTER A GO-GO is so bad in my book it out dose "MANOS" THE HANDS OF FATE (1966) in utter badness. Now the whole point of a re-review of a movie is due to the person opinion changing quite drastically, the only change in my opinion about this film is my utter hate of it. The first time I saw this film my head ached something shocking, the second time viewing this I felt slightly nauseous don't ask me how the hell this movie managed to that but it made me feel slightly nauseous. Ok maybe what I was feeling wasn't nausea; a more accurate description of my feeling was a weird cross between fear, tension and unease. But still this movie made me feel bad twice after two viewings (no movie I've viewed has done that before), which is a horrible Honour worthy of a more damming review. So here is a longer, more damming and more anger filled review of the one and only MONSTER A GO-GO.

Below is my original posted within minutes of seeing this film.

My original review of this film posted 30/10/2009: This is the worst movie ever conceived god there is no f@#$ing go go dancing and the biggest twist there was no actual monster. Ha this film makes the viewers brain slowly dies (just the same as bloody Manos the hands of fate). So this film is just b grade torture 1/100
Now this short review was filled with so much frustration I forgot I gave it a 1 out of 100 instead of a 0 out of 100. Before I revile my new found thinking on this film here is a belief but important overview why this painfully movie exists today.

BACKSTORY OF THIS FILM: Now the whole reason this movie is so painfully bad is due to the film's production history. In 1961 Director Bill Rebrane (director of The Giant Spider Invasion) was shooting a monster movie called TERROR AT HALFDAY when his funding ran out, for some reason or another Rebrane couldn't gain extra funds to complete the picture so he abandoned the movie at a film lab somewhere in the Chicago region. Fast forward to late 1964 when "The Godfather Of Gore" Herschel Gordon Lewis (director of Blood Feast, She Devils On Wheels, Two Thousand Maniacs!) Had just finished shooting his next picture called MOONSHINE MOUNTAIN was in need of a second feature for a Double Feature.

Lewis had discovered this incomplete TERROR AT HALFDAY , but to his suspires H.G. Lewis discovered that "There wasn't much of a movie, no climax or anything, so I turned it into a parody called Monster A-Go Go and used it as a second half with Moonshine Mountain".

So to make this so called parody, Lewis tried to recall the cast but was unsuccessful (expect for one member who had aged a lot) so he shot a few lab scenes, added a catchy theme song and added a few other things like dull narration. The result was a disjointed movie that was so bad after its theatrical run in 1965 the movie would have gone into obscurity if it weren't for two reasons.
The first reason) Monster a go-go featured in the fourth season of the brilliant cult comedy T.V series MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATRE 3000 as one the movies they made fun of. The movie became the worst film the cast of the show had seen until "MANOS" THE HANDS OF FATE (1966) feature at the end of the exact same season.
The second reason) with the names of Herschel Gordon Lewis and Bill Rebrane are attached to this film so SOMETHING WERID VIDEO sell this on DVD as a double disc feature alongside a trippy sex film called PSYCHED BY THE 4-D WITCH.


And now my RE-REVIEW: Ok due to four or five ultra dull films being combined into one in this film the story is just too vague and well non-existent. The only plot I can make out is that astronaut Frank Douglas space capsule has crash landed in a dull looking waste land were NASA with only one helicopter and one Chevrolet hunt down the capsule. The search team then discover the "space capsule" when the narrator then clams "there was no doubt this was the capsule and Douglas was gone" yeah that quite obvious when the capsule is nothing more than a cheesy card board cut out painted black with the words United States spray painted on one side. Anyway the helicopter pilot has been mangled in a horrible way and the rest of the film is nothing more than dull scenes of talking, more talking and more talking. Ok that doesn't sound too dull if it weren't' for the fucken sound being so muffled. There are about three or four scenes when the so called monster shows up and only one Go-Go scene which last for about 30 seconds, the remainder of the film is just horrible lab scenes (which Lewis directed) which are more boring than watching paint dry why listening to some old and really dull university lecture baling on about the history of spools. Anyway I forget the rest of this cinematic lobotomy and then the end happens (which is so fucken frustrating I'm going to revile the end another thing i never do with any of my reviews)


WARNING, CAUTION SPOILER ALERT OF THIS ULTIMATE TORTURE DEVICE: the movie ends with such a massive thud it hurts me to describe it. The movie ends in a tunnel or sewer were the monster has gone into with two soldiers hot on his trail when that fukcen narrator reviles "Suddenly there was no trail. There was no giant, no monster, no thing called Douglas to be followed. There was nothing in the tunnel but the puzzled men of courage who suddenly found themselves alone with shadows and darkness. With the telegram, one cloud lifts, and another descends. Astronaut Frank Douglas, rescued, alive, well, and of normal size some 8000 miles away in a lifeboat with no memory of where he has been, or how he was separated from his capsule! Then who, or what, has landed here? Is it here yet? Or has the cosmic switch been pulled? Case in point: The line between science fiction and science fact is microscopically thin! You have witnessed the line being shaved even thinner! But is the menace with us? Or is the monster gone?"

THE WORST GODDAM MOIVE ENDING EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Final thoughts on MONSTER A GO-GO: It's a giant no go, Monster A Go-Go is without a doubt THE WORST MOVIE EVER MADE by human hands. It's disjointed story, murky Black and White cinema photography, the lack of any direction, proper sound, terrible narration and 1-Dimensional acting makes it so BORING it's almost impossible to sit through. Hell I've only seen the MST3K version of this film twice but no matter how hard the cast and crew of MST3K made fun of this film it's still doesn't stop this movie hurting the viewers mind. That particular episode of MST3K had a disturbing short called CIRCUS ON ICE which was miles better than this film. Unlike "MANOS" MST3K had something to make fun of with that film and I had something to complain about with that film. But with Monster A Go-Go there is nothing to make fun off for being so bad , there was no plot, No monster only a massive head ache for every member of MST3k , the shows fans , everyone who saw this film in 1965 after Moonshine Mountain, every brave bad movie buff who decide to tackle this thing uncut . I know in my furtre bad movie hunt nothing and i mean nothing will top monster A go-go for this level of badness. If I do find a movie worst than this or "MANOS" i will give my 3rd 0% on RT but at this stage the odds of that happing are slim very, very slim. Overall rating: unchanged 0%
2
Manos: The Hands of Fate 1966,  Unrated)
Manos: The Hands of Fate
What is an example of worst flim well look no tougher than Manos: the hands of fate. Now this is considered to be the worst movie ever made and i can see why after accidently viewing the original version of manos on youtube. (The irony of that youtube serch was for monster movies of all things ) now the reason this is a perfect example of how bad a flim can be is due to it having no real plot, no real score ( this incules torgos theme music which is so f#$%en funny) next to no acting and no stage any sense of cinemaphotograhy. I have also viewed MST3K take on manos which very kindly softened the blow of stupidity from this flim. the only thing that semed have some mild sense in this movie was the character Torgo. OK he was a little pervet but it was easy to see why he would be a litle sexually frustrated with the Master and six or seven wifes . for me that was only thing that had some sense in the plot. apart from torgos frustation nothing else made sense. for example who the hell is manos? why didnt the sheif investiagte where the gunshots came from ( when the father fires his gun in the desert) and why throught out the flim did that teenaged couple kept on drinking acholol and kissing were doing the same thing over a space of days without it developing into something diffrent? and who in there right mind let a fertlizer sales man direct, write, act, and produced such a terrible film ? well some moron in some crap stuido no dout. 0/100 and this rating is still to kind for this film
3
The Beast of Yucca Flats 1961,  Unrated)
The Beast of Yucca Flats
what the yucc was this flim even about how is thor johnson even a monster, all he did was throw a rock and have a moronic scream. God ed woods plan 9 was well better than coleman fracise Beast. Shit francise even produce two other films shitter than this red zone cuba and skydivers should i decide to toure myself with two more films of this shittieness? well maybe not.
4
Troll 2 1990,  PG-13)
Troll 2
This is the Best worst movie ? Troll 2 is a bombardment of stupidity every frame of the film, hell the oringnal troll movie is better and even then that movie is horrible as hell. I dont wear to begin with this films floors one i almost die with laguthter is when joshua eats a balloni sandwhich and repells all of the trolls. 1&1/2 out of 10
5
Quest for the Lost City 1994,  Unrated)
Quest for the Lost City
quest for the lost city or its navive canadian title dawn of zaiox is acuallty more widly knowen as The Final sacrafice is one the worst movies ever made. the only thing notablie about this film its found it place on MST3K as thier punching bag. trust me this film sux ass every single fucking caracter is incredbly anoyiong hell even torgo in manos the hands of fate was more appelling. 1 1/2 out of 5
6
The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies 1963,  Unrated)
The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies
Just because its got the longest title in the history of film dosent cover the fact its a total F#%Ken mess. uneroctic dance numbers in sick colour , not seeing any so called zombies until the end and the constat repeat of am cam footage of carival rides. 2/10
7
Howard the Duck 1986,  PG)
Howard the Duck
The worst thing about this mindless pile of crap is thats its consdiered to be a kids film ! How is even sutible for kids yuck the viewer is toutred by duck tits , people fucking in a pool with an alien duck making a sick joke " what is this mating season" and oh how is a cigar chomping duck that loves to read Playduck and tries to comit an act of beastiallity on a human female even considered to be a role model for Kids. AAAHHHH what were you thinking Geroge Lucas for being the excuitve producer on this shit and why do people get mad at him for making Idianna jones 4 and anamatied star wars film. Shit get angry at him for howard the duck. 3/10 ( don't ask why ive given a 3/10 for this shit, i don't know my mind been hurt worst than viewing the MST3K version of Monster A Go Go)
8
Something Weird 1968,  Unrated)
Something Weird
OK THIS IS SOMETHING WEIRD , WOW THE PLOT MAKES NO SENSE OR I'M TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF WHAT I'VE JUST ENJURED. The WERID plot line starts of with a man developing ESP after he has half his face damaged. Later he is confornted by a wicth who makes a bargin with him that if he will be her lover she will repair his face. ANYWAY the FBI gets involed to investage the main character supernatural powers when the ESP man and his wicth breeze into a town to help out the local police forces with a series of murders and help remove a spirt from a church....AAAAGGGHHH THE REST OF THE FILM IS A TOTAL MINDFUCK ( OH DID I MENTION IS THE HANDY WORK OF HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS WHO HAS HALM MY MIND FOR A SECOND MIND THE FIRST BEING WITH MONSTER A GO-GO) .

On another note the DVD company SOMETHING WERID VIDEO ( which is a fantasic company) got thier name from this film in fact i have viewed one of thier DVDS of this film. The main feature is just plain bad but the special features are something esle. One of the features is a short feature entitle A HOT NIGHT AT THE GO-GO CULB which starts with footage of a normal go-go club before turning into a skin flick when three topless dancers show up. Also there is a hard core phsycadallic rock short film thats more feak out material than the end of 2001 a space oddssey. Final rating 3/10 thats only due to the funny special features otherwise its lower in the films case.
9
Robot Monster 1953,  Unrated)
Robot Monster
One of the most uncovincing monsters ever showen .The monster is nothing more than some stage hand in a gorllia suit with a old school scub divers helmet with two anteas. ok its bad but and ok effort for orgianly when the human race is almost wipe out by the Ro-man race. the only ones left are family of 6 in a apocolytic world. qiute a smart idea for a B -grade however the effects ( a bubble machine and a gorllia suit) the acting and the dialouge well kill this film in the harshes way possible. 2.5 out 5 stars
10
Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders 1996,  Unrated)
Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders
how the hell is this even a kids film? god the movie makes clear reffrences to human fetirly issues and depicts cruel ways how a cat and dog die. shit the cat belonged in stephen kings pet semetary with the way it looked. personaly one of the worst movie ive foolished viewed recently.
11
The Incredible Melting Man 1977,  R)
The Incredible Melting Man
i tought this film defines B grade movies that only have something intresting with no plot and no acting and directing , the effects. however they were disgusting like a melted ear on a pine tree branch. god i only gave it 20% for the effects alone otherwise it would be 0%.
12
Glen or Glenda? 1953,  Unrated)
Glen or Glenda?
the title of this film should be called HA or WTF ? however i dont consdeir this to be one of the worst films ever. yet the werid lugosi dialouge and stock footage dimminsies the under lying message about the ill treatment transviestie and socities cruelty but since its an ed wood film it becomes no more of a crap fest.
13
Santa Claus 1959,  Unrated)
Santa Claus
Now this film is the definition of the term "Mind Fuck" because for close to an hour and a half the viewers mind is honestley fucked by a possible pedo in a red suit ,a shakesperian devil , robotic reindeer that mock you with their laughter and one of the freakiest telescopes ever to grace the silver screen. Before whacthing this shit fest pour yourself a glass of jack daniels or smoke a joint and try to enjoy the nightmarish ride that is Santa Claus. 1/10 ( its only got a mark due to being on MST3K , please bring them back for the sake of humainty)
14
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians 1964,  PG)
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
this movie alone would kill any little kids xmas cheer
15
Le Notti del terrore (Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror) (The Zombie Dead) 1981,  R)
Le Notti del terrore (Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror) (The Zombie Dead)
Ive seen some REALLY REALLY BAD MOVIES that make this shit fest seem better by comparison but thats saying alot. Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror is possibly one of the worst zombie films ever made due to one major factor ; the incest subplot involing a ten year old boy that trys to well have sex with this mother. Yes that correct this bad zombie film has an incest subplot , WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE WRITER THINKING. oh did i meation to make it sound even sicker the ten year old boy was played by a 35 year old midget. And Plus when the kid turns in to a zombie he bite of his mothers breast after she invites him. HOlY SUPERMANS COCK they whent that far. Infact this sick subplot over shadows how bad this film is. The Acting, Dialouge, Cinemaphotography , Direction and Scripting ( if i can call it that) all seem to go down the shitter in the worst possible way.

First off a good zombie film gives some explanation of why are the dead rising from thier graves but its never explained in anyway. The only explaiantion for the out break that i gather is that a professor digging in an Etrscuian gave site ( oh the Etrscian were the fore runners of the Acinet Romans ) removes some tablet and bang the dead rise. In fact the whole thing happens before the opeing credits when the proffessor screams "Stop , Stop Im your friend" before the dead eat him ( yup the dialogue is that bad). then three couples ( one copule with the incest mad dawf for a son) arive at the professors home for the weekend for some reason. then one of the copules go off and have sex , wait they all go off in thier separte dircetions to have sex. Yes this movie was that despirte they throw zombies feasting and couple fucking in the first ten minutes of this goddam film. Then the zombies turn up and the rest of the movie is just really , really slow moving zomibes chasing after horny idiotic copules that are that stupid to ask the zombies "Who are you , what do you whant" EEEEHHHHHHHH run you fucken loonitics. There is no character development at all which dosent make the audiance give two fucks about the characters being eaten.

In fact the rest of the movie borrows from one landmark zombie film which i decribe , A few People Board themselves up in a rual home to outride the zombie problem then the zombies break in and start attacking. HHHHHUUUUUMMMMM why is that remining me i could be whacting that film in the same amount of time which is consdier to be a masterpice of horror insted of this shit fest. 3/10
16
Plan 9 from Outer Space 1959,  Unrated)
Plan 9 from Outer Space
so this is the worst movie ever made? sadly it is no way near as bad as terrible films like Manos the Hands of fate and Monster A Go Go now these film are the worst. what plan 9 comes under in bad movie satus is the "God this is so lame its making me laugh" movies. in the case of manos and a Go Go these come under the "shit turn it of please is making me lose my mind " bad movie. if it come downs push comes to shove ED Wood is the greatest and most succesful bad film producer.
17
Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus 2009,  R)
Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus
This is the 2000's answer to plan 9 from outer space. The title perfectly sums up the level of stupidity evident in every frame of the film. the most idiotic part of the film is the questionable CGI of well everything and the way the female lead and male lead figure out how to lure the monsters into a trap after having sex in a broom closet. Like Criswell I predict that this film will have a cult following like Plan 9 , Manos, Troll 2 , and Gilgi amongst b movie nuts such as myself will call it one of history?s worst movie in the for coming years. Also Mega shark marks the eventual end of B movie producers using stock footage and the cuts to crap sets. Plus every future B movie of a modest budget will have game like CGI. Remember future b movies such as mega shark will look and sound unrealistically worst that b movies of the past.

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