my all time worst flims i have viewed so far...
a brief list of the worst films ive suffered
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|thewellieboy's Rating||My Rating|
Monster a-Go Go 1965, PG)
Re-Review of MONSTER A GO-GO (1965): A movie SO PAINFULY BAD I'm bewildered why decide to write a re-review of this film. After a second viewing of this film my opinion has changed very little, MONSTER A GO-GO is so bad in my book it out dose "MANOS" THE HANDS OF FATE (1966) in utter badness. Now the whole point of a re-review of a movie is due to the person opinion changing quite drastically, the only change in my opinion about this film is my utter hate of it. The first time I saw this film my head ached something shocking, the second time viewing this I felt slightly nauseous don't ask me how the hell this movie managed to that but it made me feel slightly nauseous. Ok maybe what I was feeling wasn't nausea; a more accurate description of my feeling was a weird cross between fear, tension and unease. But still this movie made me feel bad twice after two viewings (no movie I've viewed has done that before), which is a horrible Honour worthy of a more damming review. So here is a longer, more damming and more anger filled review of the one and only MONSTER A GO-GO.
Manos: The Hands of Fate 1966, Unrated)
What is an example of worst flim well look no tougher than Manos: the hands of fate. Now this is considered to be the worst movie ever made and i can see why after accidently viewing the original version of manos on youtube. (The irony of that youtube serch was for monster movies of all things ) now the reason this is a perfect example of how bad a flim can be is due to it having no real plot, no real score ( this incules torgos theme music which is so f#$%en funny) next to no acting and no stage any sense of cinemaphotograhy. I have also viewed MST3K take on manos which very kindly softened the blow of stupidity from this flim. the only thing that semed have some mild sense in this movie was the character Torgo. OK he was a little pervet but it was easy to see why he would be a litle sexually frustrated with the Master and six or seven wifes . for me that was only thing that had some sense in the plot. apart from torgos frustation nothing else made sense. for example who the hell is manos? why didnt the sheif investiagte where the gunshots came from ( when the father fires his gun in the desert) and why throught out the flim did that teenaged couple kept on drinking acholol and kissing were doing the same thing over a space of days without it developing into something diffrent? and who in there right mind let a fertlizer sales man direct, write, act, and produced such a terrible film ? well some moron in some crap stuido no dout. 0/100 and this rating is still to kind for this film
The Beast of Yucca Flats 1961, Unrated)
what the yucc was this flim even about how is thor johnson even a monster, all he did was throw a rock and have a moronic scream. God ed woods plan 9 was well better than coleman fracise Beast. Shit francise even produce two other films shitter than this red zone cuba and skydivers should i decide to toure myself with two more films of this shittieness? well maybe not.
Troll 2 1990, PG-13)
This is the Best worst movie ? Troll 2 is a bombardment of stupidity every frame of the film, hell the oringnal troll movie is better and even then that movie is horrible as hell. I dont wear to begin with this films floors one i almost die with laguthter is when joshua eats a balloni sandwhich and repells all of the trolls. 1&1/2 out of 10
Quest for the Lost City 1994, Unrated)
quest for the lost city or its navive canadian title dawn of zaiox is acuallty more widly knowen as The Final sacrafice is one the worst movies ever made. the only thing notablie about this film its found it place on MST3K as thier punching bag. trust me this film sux ass every single fucking caracter is incredbly anoyiong hell even torgo in manos the hands of fate was more appelling. 1 1/2 out of 5
Howard the Duck 1986, PG)
The worst thing about this mindless pile of crap is thats its consdiered to be a kids film ! How is even sutible for kids yuck the viewer is toutred by duck tits , people fucking in a pool with an alien duck making a sick joke " what is this mating season" and oh how is a cigar chomping duck that loves to read Playduck and tries to comit an act of beastiallity on a human female even considered to be a role model for Kids. AAAHHHH what were you thinking Geroge Lucas for being the excuitve producer on this shit and why do people get mad at him for making Idianna jones 4 and anamatied star wars film. Shit get angry at him for howard the duck. 3/10 ( don't ask why ive given a 3/10 for this shit, i don't know my mind been hurt worst than viewing the MST3K version of Monster A Go Go)
Something Weird 1968, Unrated)
OK THIS IS SOMETHING WEIRD , WOW THE PLOT MAKES NO SENSE OR I'M TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF WHAT I'VE JUST ENJURED. The WERID plot line starts of with a man developing ESP after he has half his face damaged. Later he is confornted by a wicth who makes a bargin with him that if he will be her lover she will repair his face. ANYWAY the FBI gets involed to investage the main character supernatural powers when the ESP man and his wicth breeze into a town to help out the local police forces with a series of murders and help remove a spirt from a church....AAAAGGGHHH THE REST OF THE FILM IS A TOTAL MINDFUCK ( OH DID I MENTION IS THE HANDY WORK OF HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS WHO HAS HALM MY MIND FOR A SECOND MIND THE FIRST BEING WITH MONSTER A GO-GO) .
Robot Monster 1953, Unrated)
One of the most uncovincing monsters ever showen .The monster is nothing more than some stage hand in a gorllia suit with a old school scub divers helmet with two anteas. ok its bad but and ok effort for orgianly when the human race is almost wipe out by the Ro-man race. the only ones left are family of 6 in a apocolytic world. qiute a smart idea for a B -grade however the effects ( a bubble machine and a gorllia suit) the acting and the dialouge well kill this film in the harshes way possible. 2.5 out 5 stars
Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders 1996, Unrated)
The Incredible Melting Man 1977, R)
Glen or Glenda? 1953, Unrated)
the title of this film should be called HA or WTF ? however i dont consdeir this to be one of the worst films ever. yet the werid lugosi dialouge and stock footage dimminsies the under lying message about the ill treatment transviestie and socities cruelty but since its an ed wood film it becomes no more of a crap fest.
Santa Claus 1959, Unrated)
Now this film is the definition of the term "Mind Fuck" because for close to an hour and a half the viewers mind is honestley fucked by a possible pedo in a red suit ,a shakesperian devil , robotic reindeer that mock you with their laughter and one of the freakiest telescopes ever to grace the silver screen. Before whacthing this shit fest pour yourself a glass of jack daniels or smoke a joint and try to enjoy the nightmarish ride that is Santa Claus. 1/10 ( its only got a mark due to being on MST3K , please bring them back for the sake of humainty)
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians 1964, PG)
Ive seen some REALLY REALLY BAD MOVIES that make this shit fest seem better by comparison but thats saying alot. Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror is possibly one of the worst zombie films ever made due to one major factor ; the incest subplot involing a ten year old boy that trys to well have sex with this mother. Yes that correct this bad zombie film has an incest subplot , WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE WRITER THINKING. oh did i meation to make it sound even sicker the ten year old boy was played by a 35 year old midget. And Plus when the kid turns in to a zombie he bite of his mothers breast after she invites him. HOlY SUPERMANS COCK they whent that far. Infact this sick subplot over shadows how bad this film is. The Acting, Dialouge, Cinemaphotography , Direction and Scripting ( if i can call it that) all seem to go down the shitter in the worst possible way.
Plan 9 from Outer Space 1959, Unrated)
so this is the worst movie ever made? sadly it is no way near as bad as terrible films like Manos the Hands of fate and Monster A Go Go now these film are the worst. what plan 9 comes under in bad movie satus is the "God this is so lame its making me laugh" movies. in the case of manos and a Go Go these come under the "shit turn it of please is making me lose my mind " bad movie. if it come downs push comes to shove ED Wood is the greatest and most succesful bad film producer.
Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus 2009, R)
This is the 2000's answer to plan 9 from outer space. The title perfectly sums up the level of stupidity evident in every frame of the film. the most idiotic part of the film is the questionable CGI of well everything and the way the female lead and male lead figure out how to lure the monsters into a trap after having sex in a broom closet. Like Criswell I predict that this film will have a cult following like Plan 9 , Manos, Troll 2 , and Gilgi amongst b movie nuts such as myself will call it one of history?s worst movie in the for coming years. Also Mega shark marks the eventual end of B movie producers using stock footage and the cuts to crap sets. Plus every future B movie of a modest budget will have game like CGI. Remember future b movies such as mega shark will look and sound unrealistically worst that b movies of the past.