It's Newer To Me: Films I've Seen in 2011

Low budget horror with a vacationing couple running afoul of some teenage hooligans. Too many unlikely coincidences to count and takes a repellent dip into 'torture porn' territory. I was in the mood to be scared, not repulsed. Wants to earn the same thrill quotient as High Tension, but couldn't similarly sustain my interest with a nonexistent plot over 90 minutes. The acting is pretty good though, with the juvenile thugs memorably frightening. Might appeal more to someone else's horror palate.

So close. So very close to taking a place alongside Alien and Pitch Black as top achievements in sci-fi horror. What goes wrong? They throw in the bad ideas from The Descent as well. Both started strongly, but take a wrong turn once strange 'inhabitants' are found to be prowling the corridors.

Another HUGE demerit goes to the editing, and there are two of them discredited to share the blame. Action scenes are completely disorienting as bodies fly around, often in darkness. Even during 'calm' scenes, one editor was busy feeding the film through a KitchenAid while the other made sure no strip was longer than 48 frames (sounds like a lot, but that's a mere 2 seconds.) The film loses a full star just for this unnecessary activity.

What we CAN see is impressive, VERY impressive in fact considering they probably didn't have the enormous budget provided to Hollywood blockbuster hopefuls. Excellent set design & decoration, the setting really does feel like a massive interstellar ship with cool advanced technologies (lightstick and laser razor, hey I want those!) The story, minus the creature feature, is engrossing and provides some nifty revelations and a terrific ending. Such a shame they couldn't find a better path from point A to point C which involves much less motion sickness.

More or less sustains some chuckles throughout, which is pretty uncommon among comedies these days when the laughs often dry up after 45 minutes. The foul-mouthed 9-year-old Bad News Bears shtick wore thin pretty quickly, but Superbad's McLovin picks up the slack as the other kid in need of mentoring. Seann WIlliam Scott tones down the annoying a degree and is pretty likable, which helps counteract Paul Rudd's dour attitude, although he has many of the best lines, especially when riffing about music & movies. So you see, there are a system of checks & balances in place. I would be remiss if I left out Jane Lynch's scene-stealing work as a reformed cocaine addict who runs the Big Brother program. It's the kind of movie where you don't mind them using an easy answer feel-good ending.

First-rate horror, incredible (and incredibly gory) special effects, gripping story, terrific actors. The blood testing scene ranks high among the most suspensefully scary scenes ever put on film, no matter how many times I've watched. Easily the best 'thing' Carpenter has ever done.

Fantastic Voyage without the novelty that film provided with a trip inside the human body. Or the special effects, for that matter, even competing against 1966. They bit off way more than their programmers could chew here with simplistic, dull sets and CGI. Obviously a European production as all non-starring roles populated with thick accents - good idea to set it in Berlin. Lance Henriksen does what he can with the script, which does offer its characters some opportunities for development. They sure as hell aren't competing with a barrage of special effects all the time. Robin Givens still lookin' good in 2002, but honey, shitcan the blue eyeshadow! That warpaint is scarier on you than the invading white blood cells.

Unusual, offbeat, and marvelous motion picture that climbs into the #2 slot behind only 'Raising Arizona' among the Coen brothers compendium. There is no soundtrack, which allows for the Coens' masterful use of natural sounds to create mood and heighten tension: unseen footsteps, the ticking of a homing device, labored breathing in the dark. Also present are typical elements like stunning cimematography (awe-inspiring Texas landscapes) and weirdo characters (a border guard with an attitude.)

Terrific cast with Oscar-winning contract killer Javier Bardem just another tower among a skyline of talent including TL Jones as a weary sherriff and Josh Brolin a man whose life changes drastically upon discovering a bagful of money. Ah yes, the old premise used a thousand times is given a new, sobering treatment that underscores the element of fate in our lives. Bardem's coin-flipping persona seems like an allegorical representation of Fate, inescapable and inevitable. We also see how law enforcement works at a constant disadvantage, after all the law can only react AFTER a crime is committed.

Exciting, unpredictable, and thought-provoking, wonderfully ironic that such an un-Hollywood-style movie deservedly claimed Hollywood's biggest prize.

Wow, I came away highly impressed with this, which I decree as one of the 2000's very best action/spy thrillers. Exciting with outstanding stuntwork and a car chase though Paris streets in a tiny Renault that kept my heart in my throat.

But as anyone with a brain knows, action can only carry a movie so far, and The Bourne Identity has us covered with an intriguing story and excellent acting. Who is Jason Bourne? Is he a good guy or a bad guy? Matt Damon is impressive in the role of a man trying to relearn his identity while evading a mysterious organization intent on bringing him down. His demeanor is refreshingly unique - he is confused but tries to keep level-headed and work things out logically. No standard overly-dramatic tales of revenge or tortured souls here (at first.) He avoids conflict when possible, because that's the SENSIBLE thing to do, and is considerate of his traveling companion.

That companion is Franka Potente, who is equally impressive in her role. Probably even moreso on balance, delivering one of the best performances in *any* film by an actor speaking a language that is not their native tongue. Audrey Tautou in The DaVinci Code is a recent example of an excellent actress who came across a little wooden in her attempt to express herself in the English language. Not a problem for Franka, which I think is noteworthy and a credit to her versatility as an actress.

The big revelation of Jason's background flies by during a brief confrontation, which was disappointing but leaves room for him to dig into his past during the sequel(s) I suppose. I will watch them someday, although it will probably be difficult to achieve the same degree of intrigue & suspense found in The Bourne Identity. At least they got one right.

The slightest of plots doesn't have nearly enough good comedy nor good music to overcome. Silly slapstick and dumb drug humor undermine Ed Begley's funny evil capitalist and his two flunkies attempting to take over a famous rock venue, the Saturn Theater. The songs are all OK but I found myself wishing I was watching a real concert video with better bands instead. Still, there's plenty of energy on display here. Two more worthwhile points of interest: Malcolm McDowell as Mick Jaggerish super egotistical singer Reggie Wanker, and especially Lou Reed parodying himself as introspective leather-n-shades rock legend Auden. Where else you gonna see that?

Prime-era Bruce Campbell in a sci-fi tale? I'm there! But I should have brought a budget because the filmmakers sure didn't!

Don't get me wrong, The Chin Man and low budgets go together like Kid Rock fans and wife beating. This is actually a futuristic horror: in an eerily Matrix-like premise 7 years before the fact, disillusioned Judy is fed up with plugging into a computer-generated alternate reality designed to take mankind's collective mind off the horrors of the real world. Once exiled from this "dreamland," she faces the barren post-apocalyptic terrain with lone human Stover (Campbell) for protection. The land-dwellers are menaced by cannibalistic "crawlers"who live throughout a series of tunnels underground.

Sounds kinda cool, right? Well it is, kinda. The problem is that soon after we get the setup, we are plunged into the underground amongst the crawlers and don't see the light of day again until the very end. That's a lot of time to spend in grimy tunnels and poorly-lit chambers (what do you expect? It's underground!) as our heroes try to escape. The makeup effects for the ghoulish crawlers are nothing very special but some of the violence & gore is still pretty potent. One particular scene showing the plucking out of an eyeball and subsequently passing the screaming victim through a giant bladed juicer so their blood can be drunk by the gathered mob shan't be quickly forgotten. Did I mention the victim is a 13-year old girl? Tell me you've seen THAT one before. *Ulp.*

Marta Alicia as Judy is not a very good actress - the credits precede her name with 'Introducing' and might as well have used 'Exiting' as far as movies are concerned. IMDB shows a long list of TV appearances but very little filmwork, although somehow she found her way into J.J. Abrams' Star Trek as 'Medical Technician.' The sets are pretty good, and I liked how the crawlers mined not only to expand their network of tunnels but more importantly to find objects and technology: intact lightbulbs, gears, motors from appliances, all buried from the civilization-ending war. They also throw in a twist ending long before it has become all the rage, which makes it fairly easy to spot.

Possibly worth a look for Bruce fans although he doesn't have as much screen time as one would like. Expect more 'Fi' than 'Sci' and a good amount of the red liquidy stuff that leaks from skin when brutally stabbed.

Geez, what I put up with for Anne Heche... She's the best part of this seedy concoction where every woman is portrayed as a needy idiot. Seriously. If it was this easy to get every woman I met to bump uglies & come back for more no matter how they're treated, then I'd...well, let's just let that sentence trail off. It simply don't happen this way, even in Los Angeles.

Ashton Kutcher is in perpetual need of a Fisherman's Friend, hoarsely mumbling his lines while sleepwalking through his part as a gold-digging sexual predator. The kicker is that the film wants us to feel sorry for this jerk, unless they are trying to use him as a cautionary tale. Either way, it ain't happening. The only other bright spot is the appearance (and briefly nekkid form) of Rachel Blanchard from the import comedies Peep Show and Flight of the Conchords.

"One more thing we need to do: the hitman needs a ride."

That line cracks me up every time, one of several brief moments of macabre humor that underscores the incredibly shortsighted and tragically impulsive decisions made by a pack of aimless Florida teens when they murder one of their "friends," an abusive, self-loathing egoist named Bobby Kent in this true story adaptation.

I've seen this movie about 4 times now which speaks to director Larry Clark's ability to draw me into the sorry lives and ill-conceived plans of these juvenile delinquents. His camerawork thrusts you among their private conversations, passing of joints, and pressing of naked bodies. On first viewing, the omnipresence of bare teenage flesh (although the actors are markedly older) becomes uncomfortable and feels exploitative - everyone agrees on that point regarding the unnecessary Bijou Phillips crotch shot. A friend held that the rampant nudity helped place you within this circle of carefree, irresponsible adolescence. Whether the film would be less effective with a less intimate portrait is certainly debatable. Upon repeat viewings I found, while still boundary-pushing, it works as an effective tool to involve an audience member as "part of the gang," thereby investing yourself emotionally even if you can't relate to these kids on a personal level. And let's face it, this is a tough crowd to like.

The acting is stellar: Phillips, Brad Renfro, and Rachel Miner have never been better, Nick Stahl is one of Hollywood's most gifted (then-)young actors, Leo Fitzpatrick is great as the Hitman, and Michael Pitt gives one of the best & most believable stoner idiot performances I've seen. Gripping, unflinching, gut-wrenching, and scarily realistic, underneath runs a scathing social commentary of the role of neglectful parents. It's a tough pill to swallow but fascinating nonetheless.

Does its job as a fast-paced sci-fi thriller but I was hoping for more. A victim of high expectations I guess. I knew next to nothing about it going in other than very positive reviews. The original poster art and the one promo I saw made it look like an alien invasion movie, instead it's really Cronenberg's The Fly morphed with Men In Black minus all the comedy. This is a serious movie, an uncommon approach which I respect - not easy to convince an audience about a derelict alien spacecraft that appears over Earth with its 1.8 million alien passengers without a single wink.

The pace is so rapid and intense that I could have used a little levity here & there. Additionally there is TOO much going on, crammed within the space of 3 days. During that time, our hero Wikus (Sharlto Copley) gets promoted, mutated, captured by Feds, experimented upon, escapes, goes on the lam, befriends some aliens, get captured by criminals, loses his wife, escapes, hides, wins his wife back, pilots a spaceship, crashes, operates an alien exoskeleton, fires alien weapons, breaks into a high-security lab, steals some valuable liquid, gets captured again by Feds, and escapes again. Not in that order to preserve the surprises, but you wouldn't have time to remember what comes next anyway.

I like that much of District 9 is left unexplained, they employ a documentary style with newsreel footage to deliver the background, then dust their hands off and say, "Right, that's that out of the way - time to get freaky!" The ending is anticlimactic, but I have little doubt a District 10 is on the way to finish the story as there is plenty left to resolve. My favorite parts dealt with the alien technology, some great effects and imaginative weapons & technologies put a big grin on my face - shame there wasn't more. But again, they have to save some big surprises for the sequel.

I was hovering between 3 and 3.5 stars, and I'm going with the latter because of the original premise, the nifty presentation, and they had my attention in a vice practically the entire time. Bonus points for a setting other than America, filmmakers are always so conceited that aliens will want to take over the USA first. "We must have the Colonel's secret blend of herbs & spices!"

Inconsequential love story between former streetwalker Lombard and gruff taxi driver O'Brien. Will he discover her past? Can they stay together? These are the small big questions posed here. Several scenes of everyday chat that would have been excised from most movies remain, and with a runtime just over an hour doesn't allow for much development. They manage to insert a murder and case of mistaken identity to contribute SOME kind of tension. Lombard is not great in serious role but she looks stunning. Adorned in classy dress and jewelry back then, hookers have really gone downhill since the '30s.

I have heard the term 'genius' applied to Charlie Kaufman by multiple critics and ciemagoers for his screenplays for Being John Malkovich and Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind, but Adaptation is the film that truly earns such an elite designation.

The concept & execution is original & brilliant: the film is about Charlie himself as he struggles to adapt a book about orchids into a screenplay. Where does creativity come from? What or who inspires us? These are some of the lofty questions we think about while watching poor Charlie humorously battle his inner demons concerning his self-esteem and self-worth. Many films use flashback and voiceover only in an effort to make their story appear more interesting, but in Adaptation they actually serve to elevate the storytelling progression. In fact the voiceovers provide some of the best moments, and even mocks them internally by declaring them as lazy technique. That's the jewel of this piece, Kaufman writes a story about himself and realizes the utter conceit and pathetic vanity inherent in writing a story about himself. The blur between film, fiction, fact, and reality provide many levels of observation, and this is definitely a film I could watch again and see other sides.

There is a detraction though, from the moment Charlie spots Susan Orlean planning a trip to Florida through the confrontation in the swamp, which takes us to the end on the movie. This section lost its previous charm and became a by-the-numbers thriller (a detrimental left-turn similarly taken during Barton Fink), although it has a payoff. I wonder if this was a fantasy sequence since Charlie was paralytically shy about meeting her, he imagines a situation where he got her whole story? I know very little about the background of the film, but I gather Charlie doesn't actually have a brother Donald in real life, although that didn't stop him from garnering an Academy Award nomination! To further that line of thinking, perhaps the Donald in the film is ALSO a figment of Charlie's imagination, the confident side of himself that he wishes he could be more like? Just another fascinating dimension for us to ponder.

Nicolas Cage gives a terrific offbeat performance as both brothers and Chris Cooper earned his trophy as eccentric orchid hunter John Laroche. A great cerebral film to be savored.

Much better than expected, which was a lame American Shaun of the Dead ripoff. Instead I got treated to a funny American Shaun of the Dead ripoff (and also influenced by the Scream series.) Definitely more comedic than horrifying, although it tries and occasionally succeeds at delivering some jolts. I did grow concerned over the survival expectancy of our quartet during the carnival park finale! Woody Harrelson & Jesse Eisenberg make a funny mismatched team, and while the film takes its foot off the gas upon arrival at Bill Murray's estate, his cameo appearance provides some of the best laughs.

Solid horror/thriller, the only real knock is a feeling of sameness. The plot is as functional as a clothes dryer: the water supply for a small Iowa town gets contaminated, which leads to erratic, violent behavior among the populace followed by a government coverup operation. We don't learn much more than that as we follow a married couple, sheriff Tim Olyphant and town doctor Radha Mitchell, accompanied by his deputy and her nurse as they attempt to escape. They aren't concerned with uncovering a government conspiracy, they are too busy trying to get out alive! That removes any intrigue and instead concentrates on visceral thrills.

Olyphant does a great job as the earnest, optimistic officer, as does veteran horror professional Mitchell (Pitch Black, Visitors, Rogue). I love when she takes these roles as her presence and acting chops greatly contribute to the movie's believability. The real surprise standout is British actor Joe Anderson sporting a genuine midwestern accent as loyal deputy Russell.

There are many chases and games of hide & seek, punctuated by moments of bonding and suspicion - who might be infected? I wish they had built that element of suspense more, as the whole town goes apeshit soon after the first couple crazies are encountered. That's when the evil authorities arrive with their own sinister plan for containment, and our quartet must evade them as well across the wide-open Iowa landscape.

As a thrill-ride, The Crazies delivers pretty well, unfortunately there isn't a standout sequence - I guess the encounter with the coroner will have to do. Influences include High Tension for the gritty realism and occasional arty camerawork, and clearly Dawn of the Dead (2004) for the action and gore, and even using Johnny Cash for the opening song! Worth another star if you haven't seen a hundred of this kind already.

VERY low-key seriocomedy written & directed by 'Scrubs' star Zach Braff. Middle section is the strongest, I only got into the style of humor when Andrew Largeman (Braff) admits himself to the hospital for tests covered in smut written on his body by his friends during the party the night before. That just made me laugh. Until then, the extremely languid pacing seemed to suck the life out of the quirks, leaving many gags to fall flat.

When entering the hospital, we meet Garden State's brightest spot in Natalie Portman as a bubbly oddball named Samantha who copes with epilepsy. There are many thoughtful, weighty contemplations between the characters with long takes, sometimes 2 minutes without a cut. Braff shows greater skill as a writer than director, striving for a Ghost World environment. He includes some clever & amusing touches, like a psychiatrist whose wall is so filled with diplomas and certificates of merit that he has to nail one to the ceiling. Some tightening of the material and a more animated pacing would've improved the result, but still a worthy first feature for the man best known as J.D.

Good for a musical. A minor letdown for an 8-time Oscar winner. I'm no big fan of The Godfather but that clearly is the superior film, a lucky-in-hindsight twist of fate after Cabaret seemed headed towards that win after scooping up trophies for Actress, Editing, and Director.

Owes a cigar to Jules et Jim for the love triangle among 3 friends (2 men, 1 woman) amid a climate of political unrest. Liza Minnelli is definitely the main attraction as freespeaking, impetuous, starry-eyed Sally Bowles. Some catchy musical numbers, particularly "Mein Herr," "The Money Song," and "Cabaret." Also a chilling rendition by a Nazi youth of "Tomorrow Belongs to Me" at a beer garden which starts as a solo performance but soon involves the entire crowd.

I don't recommend many musicals - people randomly bursting into song and dance simply strikes me as absurd, and the music is usually either lousy or cheesy (usually both). But at least a musical makes sense here, the setting is a cabaret hall fer cryin' out loud, and all routines (except the one mentioned above) are performed there. As they should be. So here is my updated Top 3 Musicals list:

1. Singin' in the Rain
2. Chicago
3. Cabaret

Scattershot funny. Jack Black & Michael Cera are an engaging odd-couple buddy team. Big problem with the production though, it just seems so lazy, as if Harold Ramis called his friends and invited them to dress up and goof around while he filmed them.

Amusing anachronistic dialogue and observations but complete disregard for historical/Biblical timelines - Cain & Abel coincident with the Roman empire in Israel?? C'mon even a fifth grader knows that much. Indicative of the blithely offhand manner this film is put together. They didn't even bother to try and think up a decent title! Survives solely through an OK script and some actors wanting to have a good time.

Shocking to see how badly Burton bungled his opportunity at filming perhaps the greatest children's book in the English language. But I blame myself for being so blindly hopeful - OF COURSE Burton would turn the whimsical into the brooding! And hadn't he already perpetrated one of the worst "re-imaginings" of all time during the final half-hour of Planet of the Apes? Stupid, stupid Doctor. Well, outside of any project involving the macabre, I have lost all faith in Tim Burton to produce a worthy film experience.

Alice, the book, is populated by mad characters in a crazy world of splendor and, as the title suggests, wonder. Lewis Carroll's signature witty use of language breathes the life into Alice's encounters with the bizarre as she navigates her way. But there is hardly a trace of his marvelous text retained in this script. "Curiouser and curiouser" and the opening stanza to 'The Jabberwocky' are all I readily identify. Burton decided to turn Alice's episodic journey into a tired, cliche-ridden quest for a vorpal sword so she as The Chosen One can slay The Jabberwocky and defeat the evil queen as foretold. Are you rolling your eyes yet?

There is little wonder in Wonderland - the palette is charcoal, due to the Red Queen's burning of the land. The creatures she meets are nearly uniformly dull, from the blue caterpillar to the Cheshire Cat. Alice herself is 18 instead of 12 and has lost her wide-eyed amazement. Even the famous tea party is completely devoid of madcap lunacy - how is this directed by the same man who brought Beetlejuice to life?? The only two bright spots in the cast are H.B. Carter as a decent red queen and - you guessed it - Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter, showing flashes of brilliance in a greatly expanded role, but whose madness is too often reigned in. Only other worthwhile elements are the deserving Oscar-winning costumes and especially makeup.

If this was just another fantasy/adventure, I would give 2.5 stars. But if you're going to call your movie Alice In Wonderland then you bloody well better make it something remotely resembling Alice In Wonderland. Peter Jackson conclusively proved that a satisfying, successful adaptation of beloved literature can be achieved without sacrificing too much of the source material. The completely misguided adaptation made here is purely Burton In Blunderland.

Amusing comedy has shlub Fraser trading devilishly saucy Hurley his soul in exchange for seven wishes that never turn out as he expects while giving some surprisingly thoughtful views on the nature of good & evil & Heaven & Hell.

Starkly simple story expertly told. Ushered in Italian neo-realism with an amateur/inexperienced cast filmed within the streets and tenements of Rome itself. Heart-rending fadeout.

Seriously, what would you expect to go right in a movie titled Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus? As terrible as it sounds, and if that's a draw for you, then you won't be disappointed. Some laughable lines ("Don't love the ocean too much. It will never love you back.") and eye-popping awful effects that look rendered from 1996 videogame software combine for a soggy good bad time. Deborah Gibson fits nicely as the spunky marine biologist, Sean Lawlor earns hammy points as her ex-hippie Irish professor, and Vic Chao is the nerdiest trying-to-play-it-straight scientist since the astronaut waxing poetic about "the good and the beautiful" in MST3K's The Phantom Planet. But the real life of the party is Lorenzo Lamas as the knee-jerking army general...uh, navy seal...no, marine captain...well who the hell knows WHAT he does other than wear the cloak of the bad government guy in charge who likes to interrupt conversations with variations of the opening phrase, "When you're done with your love fest..."

"Don't you have any friends or family who can help you out?"
"My friends are as broke as me, and my family live all the way over in Des Moines, Iowa. Have you ever heard of Des Moines, Iowa?"
"No I can't say that I have."
"Well that gives you a good idea about where it's located."

Comedic fluff has its moments. Rougish Robert Taylor was the Paul Newman of his time, while Jean Harlow mostly plays it straight but has a fun scene where she impersonates guests who will arrive at her dinner party, which is populated by some memorable oddballs (Mr. Travailian is a hoot.)

Tubular, dude! Better than your average youth-in-love exploit as it takes place in Hawaii with some spectacular surfing sequences. I've never surfed, nor am I a water person, but I still can't help but be impressed, even awed, by some of the camerawork & stunts, some of which are performed by real-life surfing stars. Riding a massive 40-foot wave looks more like an exercise in trying to evade a watery avalanche. At least downhill skiers have helmets and some padding, whereas surfers set themselves against nature's forces with only the thinnest layer of lycra between them. I don't know how much riding Kate Bosworth actually did - obviously not the really dangerous waves - but it appears that she dedicated herself plenty to the task.

Two stars for the location + impressive (and plentiful) surfing scenes.
One star for Kate wearing a bikini 70% of the time.
Minus a half star for the familiar sports movie plot and Michelle Rodriguez for being the pissiest best friend ever.

Add another star if you're a beach bum who can't get enough tasty waves, dude.

Far Harbor is a little-seen Jennifer Connelly indie movie from 1996. Hell that's the only reason I watched it. It's very slow and talky, occasionally pretentious, and populated by people you wouldn't want to be at a dinner party with.

However there are a few thoughtful moments, capped by Connelly delivering a mesmerizing 6:30 monologue about a fateful day that changed her life. From the first couple sentences, you know what the outcome of her story will be, but you still have to sit there uncomfortably just like the rest of the cast does and listen to her softly describe every detail. You can tell she has replayed that day a thousand times over in her mind, and now reflects upon it with acceptance traced with an almost whimsical sadness. Quite extraordinary. It's the kind of speech that could've gotten her a Supporting Actress nomination long before A Beautiful Mind if it had been in a much better movie. I would say for Connelly fans it's worth watching just for that scene.

Old-fashioned epic where Red River meets Lawrence of Arabia in the northern expanses of Australia. While this feature can't come close to matching those, at least they cast real Australians. No Alec Guinness or Anthony Quinn posing as Arabs here.

The drama is uneven with several forced cliffhanger moments, and the final 40 minutes really drags on trying for one more (obvious) crisis situation. Also the tendency to mystify aboriginal cultures is as old as the hills, here a lone hunter named King George inexplicably tags along only to pop up randomly and look wizened which grew tiresome. Better to take the Dances With Wolves approach and humanize the natives so that an audience can more readily identify with them and their plight.

Although I've never been Down Under, I have cultivated lasting friendships over the internet with several Australians which in turn prompted me to study aspects of the country, so I really enjoyed the authentic WWII era presented. The landscapes are vast and splendorous. Also learned some valuable history - who knew that following Pearl Harbor the Japanese launched an attack on the Australian mainland, virtually destroying the port town of Darwin? Me neither.

Nicole Kidman plays her part as English owner of an Australian cattle ranch very broadly, think along the lines of To Die For. Much like the acting style of the 1930s and 1940s which this film tries to emulate - the running thread of Wizard of Oz referencing clearly shows that. In this film she seems a little silly but we quickly forgive her because of the sheer volume of tight closeups we are treated to. Bryan Brown, who was something of a pond-jumping breakthrough actor with his 1986 box-office hit F/X seven months before Paul Hogan introduced most Americans to Australia through Crocodile Dundee, gives the meatiest portrayal as rival cattle baron King Carney.

Maybe I'm being a little hard with my rating. I did largely enjoy the first 2 hours, and Baz Luhrmann has his heart in the right place in trying to deliver a spectacle. I just can't completely reconcile the overly familiar and formulaic path he took to get there.

I didn't like the original so was surprised by getting sucked into the whirlpool of the remake. The difference? Some really fine acting here. Jennifer Connelly is terrific in a Naomi Watts-like role as a recently divorced mother trying to hold on to her sanity. Tim Roth is also great, delivering an offbeat performance as Connelly's lawyer, and Ariel Gade as her daughter is exceptional. If she is annoying or unbelievable in the part, then the movie sinks right then & there.

So where does it go wrong? Well, the source material was no great shakes. Director Walter Salles has an impressive resume but he doesn't seem to have a firm grasp on pacing and setup for a chiller, incorporating too many pointless BOO moments as if he didn't believe the proceedings were scary enough. And while the run time extends beyond the original, somehow it feels rushed in terms of story, with potentially intriguing side plots falling by the wayside.

The final answer? On the whole, notably better than the original. Certainly worth a look for Connelly fans in the mood for a murky, soggy, and slightly creepy experience.

Starts off promising with some mystery and intrigue but eventually evolves into pretty standard gangster epic with a surprise at the end. Well-made to be sure, with absolutely eye-popping sets and art direction. Recreates a New York of the 1920s & '30s like I've never seen before with outstanding attention to detail that no computer has yet accomplished.

There is little doubt that this 3:47 film could use some trimming, while I never truly got bored (so much to look at!) I for once understand why the studio cut it down upon its release. Some long scenes are superfluous (kid bringing a girl a pastry, Carol from Detroit meeting the gang) while others are merely padded with silent looks. Also it was a bit of a chore to spend a full hour with the gang as kids because the child actors are terrible. Even Jennifer Connelly(!) the only one among them apparently able to later develop their craft.

The film is also misogynistic, even for the era portrayed. Every, I mean every woman is viewed as a sexual object or a target for abuse. Hard not to notice after awhile. What is most baffling is that Connelly as young Deborah, by far the most important female character in the film, is frequently shown in tight closeup (a Leone trademark) showcasing her dark brown eyes, but the grown-up Deborah in the visage of Elizabeth McGovern has bright blue eyes! Further evidence to suspect that Leone had so little respect for his women's roles that he either didn't notice or didn't care about such a glaring oversight occurring in a film with such meticulous veracity in every other regard.

So there are plenty of flaws but I'm glad I saw it. DeNiro is progressively despicable, Woods is slightly unhinged, and it's fun seeing later-famous actors in bit parts: Danny Aiello as corrupt policeman, Joe Pesci already in GoodFellas mafia mode, and look fast for Estelle Harris - George Costanza's mom! - as Peggy's mother.

Not-bad SciFi channel production, which is a double-edged sword: not exciting nor high production enough to stand out, and too competent to enjoy as a bad movie like, say, Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus. That leaves a passable yet unremarkable creature feature.

I watched this for Victoria Pratt, star of silly sci-fi TV shows Mutant X and Cleopatra 2525. She's a solid action performer with enough acting chops to make her characters believable. And speaking of solid, her body is the blueprint of ultimate fitness while still retaining femininity. A waste that she plays the role of doctor in distress since she could easily clobber the bad guy (a grayhaired guy with a cane for god's sake) single-handedly. Oh well, at least as an oceanographer she still gets the swimsuits. Her hero-for-hire Charlie "I'm Not Jerry, But Only Barely" O'Connell also performs decently, while an upgrade of the antagonists would have helped.

This caught me by surprise, I tuned in because I saw that Naomi Watts was in it and found myself engrossed in a moving and mature film that could cast the term 'chick flick' in an entirely new, positive light. Asks questions seldom explored in the movies regarding the nature of family and the bonds and responsibilities of motherhood without ever resorting to Hallmark sentimentality.

Great characterizations include Annette Bening as a regretful wife and Jimmy Smits as her sympathetic husband, Kerry Washington who hopes to adopt a child despite the obstacles, and indeed Watts is excellent as a determined pregnant single lawyer. This is one of the few 'several tales that cross paths' machinations that actually works.

Strong candidate for Worst I've Seen In 2011, this pathetic, grimy, no-budget attempt at a horror morality tale is as boring and unenjoyable as a movie can be. Hunger strikes out.

I had modest expectations here and this movie delivers that much. Certainly better than most formula comedies of its kind because of the chemistry between Hugh Grant & SJ Parker. Refreshing that they are a separated couple but not at each other's throats all the time - Grant is repentant and desperately wants to win Parker back, while she can't bring herself to trust him again after his night of infidelity. Grant is pushing 50 with a bad dye job but still somehow possesses the same boyish charm that he had when he broke into the movies, a rare trait that recalls Jimmy Stewart.

There are the usual country-livin' stereotypes presented, but they are gentle jabs. Was nice to see they included some humor pointing out the things you can't get in New York, like Parker's incedulity at finding sweaters priced at $9.99 and Grant expressing his amazement at an expansive starry sky, "My God! Is that right?!?" If on a particular night all you're looking for is undemanding entertainment, you could do a lot worse than Did You Hear About the Morgans?

Great to see Bruce Willis in another what-if futuristic scenario, reminding me of his work in Twelve Monkeys. This premise isn't nearly as intriguing - people using robots to live their lives for them. And too many question marks arise; how could surrogate coupling possibly be a substitute for real sex, for example? Why do the human-controlled robots never bump into each other? They have invented fully functioning robots, yet nearly no other new technologies are evident in the future? There is a mention about genetic hard coding to prevent other users from stealing a robot for their own use, but it happens a few times anyway.

Radha Mitchell & Ving Rhames are largely wasted, this is definitely the Willis show in terms of which star powers this universe. I did like the effects of making Bruce look like David Addison with a bad hair weave again when in robot form, I don't know how they pulled that off. Some impressive car chases/crashes and the final scene of falling bodies also very memorable. The emphasis on Willis trying to reconnect with his wife was the only real human aspect of the movie though and was overplayed, would help if we got to know more about the other characters.

I could try to tell you about this slice of wholly original Belgian cinema, but that would still sell it short. If there ever was a story about a man's bitter resentment, this is it, as Thomas is convinced he was switched at birth with another family and bears that grudge until his final days. Experiencing that man's life though, which on paper looks like a long row to hoe, proceeds in completely unexpected ways. There is no timeline - we jump from his old age to his youth to his adult years with dizzying frequency, and yet Jaco Van Dormael manages to give enough cues that we can stay on the same page. This is a filmmaker who asks that his audience pay attention, so turn off those cell phones! Integrated into the main stories are a collection of fantasies as well, and not always easy to tell which is which. The title Toto The Hero refers to Thomas' alter ego as a spy determined to save his father and makes several appearances. While the entire cast performs beautifully, special mention goes out to the two main child actors as young Thomas and young Alice his sister (or adopted sister, depending which story you believe.) How the Europeans can consistently harvest such young natural actors is impressive, while the best that American casting agents can usually find is another Jake Lloyd.

For influences I thought of Sunset Boulevard for opening with a narrated death scene and especially Vertigo for a mysterious obsession Thomas has with a woman that he thought was dead. As for followers, I have to believe Jean-Pierre Jeunet is an ardent fan (the lightbulb-popping ploy instantly reminded me of the same trick in Amelie). A whimsical, serious, thoughtful, surprising, and engaging piece of work, I can honestly say I have not seen anything quite like Toto Le Hero.

Big disappointment. I usually preserve a film's integrity by revealing very little story in my reviews, but this stinker doesn't deserve such careful regard. I figure if reading this spoils it for you, you'll thank me for it.

Casey Affleck is a fine actor and does a pretty good job here, although his perpetual disaffected mumbling almost leads me to believe he's got a speech impediment. The trouble is that his character is so inconsistently volatile that even Charles Manson would think he has a behavioral disorder. His actions never add up and his motivations are never clear, they only seemingly serve to connect the plot points. The story is told from his POV, so there's no suspense or mystery either, all we are left with is a "will he be caught?" scenario. And he is such an extreme rat bastard we only think "He damn well better!" This is a movie where Affleck punches Jessica Alba in the face. Repeatedly. And more repeatedly. I don't think I'm alone in expressing that this is not a scene that will appeal to a wide audience, especially her Dark Angel fans used to her dishing out the disciplinary action.

Director (on phone to casting agent): "Hey William, how's it going? What's that? Jessica Alba has signed on?? For real??? Hot damn! You're the MAN, William! Okay, take it easy!" (Hangs up phone.) "We got Alba! Wow! I can't wait to smash in her face!"

Oh by the way, Affleck also wails on Kate Hudson. Yep, perky, smiley Kate. Sounds like a fun time at the movies huh? If the movie was worth a damn then alright, it's part of the mystery/drama/suspense/whathaveyou. Otherwise you're just showing two America's Sweethearts as Dunlop training bags.

Tack on a stupid ending with an incredibly lame "surprise" reveal and you've just wasted 1:48. (About which, apparently he drenched his entire house in odorless gasoline & alcohol?? I missed that advancement in chemistry.)

Sexist, boorish, unfunny, and with unlikable characters you're supposed to root for getting together. This is an anti-date movie: take someone you're trying to break up with instead, this should constitute the final straw.

Ludicrous on a groundbreaking scale. That's right kiddies, while J.J. Abrams' M.I. iii still ranks tops for sheer impossible onscreen antics, Salt is the new champion for most preposterous plotting. Not even the 20,000 miles of cabling in the Golden Gate Bridge would be enough to suspend belief in what goes on here, I've seen James Bond movies with a better grip on reality. In fact that ice palace in Die Another Day is looking pretty plausible by comparison.

While the screenplay seems devised from the viewpoint of how a 12-year-old thinks the world works, there are nevertheless some thrills to be had. Basically when the movie is one long series of stunt & chase sequences, there had better be! Angelina Jolie is adequate as CIA-agent-on-the-lam, unfortunately her character is SO underdeveloped that we never get a chance to know her. I would much rather see her perform the same ass-whooping as Lara Croft again instead of as this bland government agent, at least Lara has an interesting persona. Surprised to see her taking this role, following the commercial success of Wanted and the award nominations garnered from Changeling she hardly is on the downside of her career. Two stars might be too generous, but I would rather watch this again than the last film I rated 1.5, so there you go.

*******SPOILER WARNING********

Let me get this straight, a career top CIA operative is willing to throw her life away because some Russian clown says the magic words?!? But it turns out she didn't REALLY turn to the dark side after all?? I mean, this story is hopeless. Start with the fact that they're dredging up the Russians again as the Evil Empire, a designation which ceased to be relevant 15 years ago. She escapes CIA HQ and infiltrates the security bunker beneath the White House, jumping down an elevator shaft Mario Brothers-style. This is more a rant than a critique I realize, but who can buy this stuff?? And after causing millions in property damage and who knows how many lives (think of all the auto wreckage) the agent most focused on capturing her decides to let her go and star in a sequel. Please, no. I was never convinced she turned to the dark side and suspected Liev Schreiber was involved from the Hollywood rule of Character Most Helpful Is The Real Baddie. Consider if she never ran away to begin with, what would have happened? The Russian dude would be in custody, her husband could be rescued by Navy Seals Team 6, Schreiber would be powerless to act with no patsy, and that Washington cathedral would still have a beautiful mosaic-tiled floor. Instead she nearly provoked a worldwide nuclear war, something they probably should have taught her to avoid during Basic Training.

One of those niche '80s teenage sex horror comedies that is short on comedy and contains no horror whatsoever. Actually there are more workable jokes and in-jokes (like Tim Conway Jr. asserting that Harvey Korman jumped the motorbike in The Great Escape) but commits a fatal blow by giving uber-dork Eddie Deezen the bulk of the screen time. His constant annoying delivery and exaggerated gestures suck out more patience than the collected teeth of the vampiresses do blood. Britt Ekland still has the same striking face that did plenty of dirty work in The Wicker Man, although sadly trapped underneath a crazed nest of '80s hair.

Stanwyck is fun to watch as leader of a gang of idle Park Avenue society women who try to solve a murder outside the law and Henry Fonda's newspaper. Some silly sequences and questionable romance between the stars, which includes Fonda threatening to beat some sense into Barbara three different times - now there's a match made in counseling! I had an easier time following the trail of suspects in The Big Sleep but at least they don't take themselves too seriously. A minor entry in each resume.

Yes, I cannot deny this is purely Hollywood/Disney gloss, a romantic comedy designed to give you a warm fuzzy feeling if you can keep from throwing up first. But you know what? Once in a while Hollywood comes up with one that mostly works. There aren't many original story ideas and I rolled my eyes at the entire goofy 'magic coin' premise. But I also laughed quite a bit, much more often than most similar films manage to elicit. The key is in the characterizations, including Dax Shepard as narcissistic model Gale whose idea of a compliment is "I don't know whether to look at my own reflection or to look at you, that's how beautiful you are!" and Danny DeVito as the earnest Sausage King. Bobby Moynihan as best buddy Puck is funnier than all his SNL appearances combined, and Don Johnson appears as personable and uncreepy since...well, ever. And I'm not even counting serviceable if somewhat disappointing contributions from Will Arnett and Jon Heder.

Supporting characters are fine, but most importantly when is any romance worth watching without chemistry between the stars? So many fail with a mismatch that we don't care about ever getting together, instead wishing for slow, lingering deaths. Here we get an onscreen pair that clicks. I mean c'mon, what's not adorable about Kristen Bell? That's what Josh Duhamel agrees while projecting a rascally yet amiable personality combo punch. Even though we know there will be no surprise ending, I still enjoyed seeing them reach the finish line together.

Well...it's better than The Ugly Truth.

Wow, talk about a movie with an incurable identity crisis. I have no idea what tone director Duncan Ward wanted to take, it seems he thought he'd try them all in case something stuck. Nothing did, unless 'fail' is a genre.

The best Alien knockoff I have seen, and elevated above the normal 'monsters on the loose' scenario with compelling characters and a menacing, cunning antihero in Vin Diesel. Scary and smart, with a striking color scheme by director Twohy. And I bet nobody can guess which people get out alive!

Ultra low-budget yet effective road movie as Alice, an awkward "New Hampshah" teenager, travels to Florida with a seemingly normal Southern couple near their fifties. Except she comes to discover this 'normal' couple actually moonlights as mom & pop truck-stop hookers. Alice is running from her own troubles, and running low on money...

Often low-key and matter-of-fact with a distinctly unglamorous depiction of sex and an astute understanding of youthful minds. There were contrivances at a couple key turning points but nothing near a deal-breaker. I really liked how they alluded to the title's origin during a phonecall near the end, and the scene that summed up Alice's experiences after a week with this couple when she went to buy cigarettes and handed her I.D. to the cashier:

{Peering quizzically} "Is this supposed to be you?"
"Of course it's me."
{Shrugs, handing her I.D. back} "If you say so."

Utterly ridiculous comic book-style popcorn movie filled with insane laugh-out-loud action sequences. Will test your tolerance for campiness and inappropriately bouncy keyboard-driven soundtracks. People ride barrels propelled by dynamite, motorcycles become twirling projectile weapons, indescribable worlds exist beneath manhole covers, heads are severed with throwable bladed chainmail beekeeper helmets, bodies stripped to muscle and bone continue to fight, papers blow around in enclosed laboratories, and hospitals are the most frequent locations for violent crime. And that's just for starters.

Amid all this crazed silliness they somehow assembled the ultimate Dream Team of female Hong Kong talent: Anita Mui, Michelle Yeoh, and Maggie Cheung! Unbelievable, on top of unbelievable! I watched this because it ranked #47 on YesAsia's Top 100 Hong Kong Films of the Nineties list, and it decidedly earns its place for the casting alone.

There's an enormous amount of dementia in this movie's DNA to overcome but in the end I had fun. I will allow that I would probably add a half-star if I saw a subtitled version instead of this juvenile dub, but at least it was widescreen.

Within the first 15 minutes, we are dealt this 3-pronged pitchfork of idiotic improbability:

1) Two complete strangers meet in Vegas and get extremely drunk together but somehow still manage to get married, all within a few hours.
2) They turn from intimate friends to bitter rivals with a few SECONDS due to a few tame back-and-forth insults. Moments later, they hit the $3 million jackpot in slots.
3) A judge rules they have to stay married for 6 months and report to counseling once per week even though an annulment is the obvious decision.

That list just goes to show how desperately contrived the plot is. Basically, even if we grit our teeth and accept all these preposterous points, all the characters have to do is be civil to each other. But then they would have no movie, which truthfully would be good for America.

Alright, it's not that bad. Yes there is much bickering and petty games between Kutcher and Diaz, but they both know their way around comedy to some extent. I'm not gonna lie, I saw the promo showing Cameron Diaz in some sexy undies and that was enough bait. She doesn't disappoint during the rest of the movie either with her effortless charisma and looking as stunning since at least the Charlie's Angels movies. I'm telling you, if you're a leg man, then this is your PG-13 paradise as she parades about in a variety of shorts and miniskirts. Fittingly, this movie earns one star for each.

"Sir, I think I've found something horrible!"

Deliberate, rather well plotted detective curio that is long in development yet short on visceral thrills. I guess we don't see this kind of mystery in multiplexes anymore because of the proliferation of cop shows on TV that tell this kind of story. Some fine acting from Lance Henriksen and Andy Garcia who are strangely cast as brothers, with Garcia amusingly letting his natural Cuban accent slip out when his temper rises. John Malkovich is great in a small but crucial role as interrogator, and don't forget about blind girl Uma! I appreciated that the expected romance between cop & target was allowed to develop so that it made some sense and that the police department behaves in a very logical, methodical way. The killer's motive is not very convincing, but their identity at least is not merely chosen for shock value. A pretty good movie that mostly holds up through the end, I'll take it over any 3 episodes of C.S.I.

During an interview with Dick Cavett during the mid-'70s, Woody Allen proclaimed that he considered only 2 films as true works of art: one was L'Avventura, and the other was Grand Illusion.

My expectations were quite lofty so the experience was something of a letdown. Nevertheless, Grand Illusion influenced such great films as Stalag-17 and Casablanca with a not-quite-as-stirring rendition of 'La Marsellaise' that enrages German officers. The messages of similarity beyond borders & politics and the hypocrisies of war still ring true. This is as languidly paced a war film as you're likely to see, especially following the final escape attempt. I appreciate the historical importance of Grand Illusion but prefer the greater complexity and urgency of several of its followers.

Exceptional biopic chronicling the life of Frida Kahlo, a prominent Mexican artist to whom I was completely oblivious. And what a life she lived! From suffering crippling back & leg injuries during a bus accident as a teenager, to romancing Mexico's most important painter of the 1930's Diego Rivera, to participating in her country's socialist uprising, to indulging in bisexual relationships, to gaining international fame as painter herself, to having an affair with communist fugitive Leo Trotsky!

The film does a great job of highlighting some of the turning points in Frida's life while exploring her psyche and detailing her artistic vision. They show many examples of her work, which are at turns captivating, surreal, and horrific. Her style evolves from simple portraiture to complex, sometimes grotesque imagery. "I don't believe that ever before has a woman put such agonized poetry on canvas," as Diego Rivera describes. The movie gave me a real, firm sense of this woman's motivations, as if it knows what is talking about, not some fuzzy portrait where I don't know any more than when I started which frequently is a biopic's pitfall.

The production is glorious, colorful, and authentic, harmonizing with a vibrant soundtrack and some ingenious visual effects that literally bring some of Frida's artwork to life. The acting is equally superb top to bottom. Salma Hayek is completely infused with her subject's spirit and clearly, as star and co-producer, this was a labor of love. I hadn't realized before how short she is, but she rocks a unibrow like no other.

Other than knowledge of some award nominations, I had no expectations for Frida and it emerged a real winner.

One of the few Chan movies that can stand on its own even if you excised the action sequences! Great period flavor of a 1930's gangster film is a faithful retelling of Frank Capra's Lady for a Day. Except with fistfights! Comedic situations and a musical number with the radiant Anita Mui occupy most of the screentime, but the few action set pieces are all among the best of Chan's career. In particular I love the fight in the tea room which features amazing choreography executed with balletic beauty & precision, and is funny to boot! Then there are the rickshaws and finally the incredible jaw-dropping & side-splitting battle at the rope factory. Now that's entertainment!

Ranks #7 among my all-time favorite Jackie Chan flicks.

Swingin' Sixties sex farce propelled by megawatt star power. Screenplay by Woody Allen contains many Woodyisms. Silly and inessential, but where else are you gonna see a Keystone Cops-inspired go-kart chase with Allen, Peter O'Toole, Romy Schneider, Peter Sellers, and Ursula Andress? They even throw in a James Bond joke!

Uncomfortable laughs aplenty from the reigining royalty of provocative humor. Part of her unique performance is that you assume she cannot mean any the bigoted things she says, yet there is a tiny molecule in your brain that still holds doubt. She retells what is perhaps both her most (in)famous and funniest joke: "I was raped by my doctor, which is so bittersweet for a Jewish girl."

Half of a very good apocalypse movie but parallels the bad decision made by another British horror film The Descent by abandoning its initial focus in favor of much less satisfying scare tactics. That occurs here once the band of survivors reaches a small military encampment and completely goes off the rails. The intent to give deeper meaning of the savage nature of man is clumsily handled beyond a couple intriguing lines of dialogue at the banquet table. And you will seldom find a cheaper shot than what they provide as an ending (or endings) here with shameless, blatant audience manipulation.

Clarifying a technical detail I see in many reviews, this is not a zombie movie, The Infected (as they are called) are not reanimated dead bodies, they are living people with a malevolent, incurable virus in the blood. I enjoyed the ominous atmosphere when this was treated as a 'zombie' movie, the city is mostly deserted with some isolated attacks from The Infected so you never knew when they would show up, instead of the constant onslaught faced by the survivors in the far superior Dawn of the Dead. That film had the courtesy of showing the action instead of disorienting & annoying with chaotic cameras & dark rooms. I also prefer The Descent for its more original choice of claustrophobic setting which used multiple fears to its advantage. Given the critical hype and arresting opening journey, 28 Days Later turned into quite a disappointment.

Funny at times, distasteful at others, and only intermittently do the twain intersect. Helped considerably by the competently comedic young cast. Amanda Crew stood out, perhaps because she's the only woman among the surging testosterone, and she's a dead ringer for any future biopic of Avril Lavigne. They're both Canadian too. Seth Green steals his scenes as a smartass Amish who simultaneously helps and verbally undercuts the "English" at every opportunity. Much better than the average teen sex gross-out comedy baked from the 'American Pie' mold, but too willing to revel in excessive vulgarity to thoroughly enjoy.

REVIEW UPDATE 2011-06-06
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After seeing this another time (or two), I have to add another star because it is damn funny. Yes it is still plenty gross with some moments of bad taste, but the cast is so likable that their willingness to participate wins through. In addition to the talented Amanda Crew, Josh Zuckerman is a lovable loser, and pudgy Clark Duke (miscast as a ladies' man, but maybe that's meant tongue-in-cheek?) brims with confidence and sarcasm as the best friend. But the best part is James Marsden who is nearly unrecognizable as ironically homophobic bad-boy brother Rex and is hilariously cruel in every scene. If you can suffer through the crude elements, you'll laugh until Purple comes out your nose.

Seems there is a lot of division over this one, but for me the answer is clear: this is Chevy's 4th best comedy behind Vacation, Fletch, and Christmas Vacation. (Yes, better than Spies Like Us, Caddyshack, and Three Amigos!) Take a look at that list and let's pause for a moment in remembrance at what a comic giant he was in the 1980s, rivaled only by Steve Martin and Eddie Murphy for supremacy during the Reagan Years.

This could have reached #3 if not for the change in direction during the final quarter with fewer gags and a focus on the deteriorating relationship with his wife Madolyn Smith (who gives a fine performance.) This section still works for me since the feelings are earnest but does affect the mood. Until then, there are a ton of great gags: the movers, the snake, the ducks, asking for directions, the softball game, the fishing competition, the crazy mailman, the coffin, the operators, the runaway dog simply called "Dog" because they hadn't had time to give him a name, and the sheriff who never passed the driving exam and rides in a taxi! Stupid title, funny movie.

Wow, Clive Barker made his reputation as a "Master of Horror"....with this?? Take away Pinhead and the Cenobites (wonder why there has been no death metal band with that name) who really aren't in the movie very long and you've got another standard, poorly acted, and often boring '80s freakshow. I'd say he lucked out.

Favorite unintentionally funny bit, as the Cottons are investigating the source of strange noises in the attic, Larry tries to calm his wife with, "You see honey? It's only rats!"

Star Blechh. I gave it a shot but I couldn't make it past 30 minutes. If I had given up on Batman Begins when I was tempted, I would have missed a great action movie, but I cannot see how this could reach that level of redemption. I hated this Kirk as a kid and I hated him as a cadet; I'm pretty sure I would've hated him as a captain. The baby delivery while George Kirk kamikaze's his spaceship had me rolling my eyes in disbelief at the corniness, never mind that his opponent's ship was so massively superior in size and capability that they didn't have just ONE megalaser that could vaporize with a handful of shots?

Listen, I'm not one of "them" - you know "them." The Trekkies. Or Trekkers. See I don't know what they're called. So my beef isn't about comparisons, although this movie almost made me wish I was watching the 1979 movie, the snoozefest that when I was in the theater with my family the projector died of boredom after 2:15 with about 10 minutes remaining and everyone got their money back. That was the greatest example of cosmic justice I've ever experienced.

I am hungrily watching Lost for the first time and just started Alias which looks promising, so for me J.J. Abrams' work clearly belongs on the small screen after attempting this and the ridiculous Mission Impossible III which I gave 2 stars. Star Trek is equally overblown and overstuffed, but at least I managed to finish that other one.

"I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!"
"You eat pieces of shit for breakfast??"

Loses steam towards the end (most comedies do) but still generates a pleasing amount of laughs. Relies too heavily on violence though. Adam Sandler can be one of the most annoying screen presences but as demonstrated here and Punch-Drunk Love he plays anger well. Christopher McDonald is perfect as the smarmy antagonist which shouldn't be discounted - most bad guys in this level of comedy are forgettable, but in this he is great to hate. Furthermore I detest golf and its ingrained snobbery, so I really enjoyed their constant ridicule of this non-sport.

Credit also goes to Happy Gilmore for casting Carl Weathers' first comedy role, which Arrested Development fans will applaud, along with introducing the comedic possibilities artificial hands, getting the drop on the Farrelly Brothers Kingpin as well by 4 months.

Less a horror movie, more an infernal adventure as pizza delivery shmuck Chad Lowe journeys to Hell to save his girlfriend from the clutches of Hellcop, an accursed lawman who sports some wicked facial tattoos. Some original ideas about the wrong side of afterlife are presented while working with a meager budget, I particularly liked the literal hand-cuffs and the Good Intentions Paving Company. Some familiar faces in small roles included Ben Stiller(!), Jerry Stiller, Richard Farnsworth (from The Natural), Gilbert Gottfried, and supposedly Lita Ford who I somehow missed. One of those tweener flicks that can entertain when in the right frame of mind - not worth a Netflix queue, watch it On Demand instead.

If they had managed to somehow sustain the exceptional, genuine quality of sentiment exhibited during the opening 30 minutes, Up could have been a landmark animated film in generating sincere depth of feeling for pixel people. The wordless 4 minute sequence showing Carl & Emma's life together is true cinema magic and brought a tear to my eye. Admittedly that depth would be very difficult to achieve over 90 minutes, especially when you're aiming to entertain children, so sadly (and all too predictably) once the floating house arrives in South America the second half is filled with chase scenes, few of which are actually exhilarating.

There are many laughs though and succeeds as a comedy, and it is interesting to note that most of the laughs are visual, meaning the script isn't particularly strong. Also some peculiar choices like the dog translator collar - dogs can cook and fly planes in this movie, why not make them talk too? Not like they would be originating the concept. Sole purpose is to wring humor out of a Doberman speaking with a high-pitched voice, which *is* funny...for exactly six seconds.

Excellent advances in animation with Carl's hair fluttering naturally in the breeze and the multitude of furniture and keepsakes rolling around inside the buffeting house. This film leaves me wondering 'what if' but at least it kept surprising with sight gags throughout, and while they often were recycled (for instance dogs playing poker & the kid getting dragged slowly and squeakily across a window) they were executed masterfully. Pay special attention to the clever closing credits too and how they relate to the selected photo.

Lurid sexploitation tale of a woman testing her husband's fidelity by hiring a prostitute to approach him is made somehow watchable by the lead trio of actors, and particularly the scenes between Julianne Moore and Amanda Seyfried. They are very good and certainly above this Danielle Steele-level material. Other negatives include a slow pace and an unsatisfying ending, but at least avoids the predictable just when you think one of the characters is about to turn rampaging psycho.

I have as much interest in fashion as I do the standings of the Czech junior hockey league, but since Audrey Tautou is the star of this show I had to watch. She performs ably as Gabrielle "Coco" Chanel during her lean times as a seamstress and freelance hat designer, wiping any trace of Audrey or Amelie from perception. I was interested in watching how she managed to break free of the male-dominated French pre-WW I society where the best and seemingly only chance a woman had for advancement was to marry rich, she certainly was a pioneer for women in business. Sad to say I cannot recommend the film to the casual viewer though, outside of watching Audrey I grew quite bored as there were few momentous events in Coco's life shown here, and while I might now be able to recognize Chanel couture, we only catch glimpses of what inspired the woman with "a strong sense of distaste." Apparently there's nothing like a car crash that claims the life of a loved one to channel creativity resulting in 30 new dress designs, which I consider rather a high price to pay.

Pound for pound, the most visceral transference of fear I've ever experienced from a fictional motion picture. And all for just a paltry $32,000! How can that be, when so little is seen onscreen? Because of the trendsetting documentary-style first-person approach and the complete immersion it brings to the viewing experience - I feel like I'm right there with Heather, Josh, and Michael lost in the woods and hunted by beings unknown. The actors were subjected to the conditions seen in the film which makes their fatigue and desperation seem so real - because those aspects ARE real. Upon its release, many people thought this WAS a documentary and had to be told otherwise! Those are the reasons why the oft-imitated The Blair Witch Project ranks as a landmark in cinematic horror history.

I recently watched this for what feels like the 8th time and *still* manages to create chills during certain scenes, and also drops a dollop of perfectly suited black comedy at just the right times. Simply put, a brilliant idea executed brilliantly. I notice now that there are a couple places that plod a bit, but this still ranks among the fastest 90-minutes spent at the movies - because YOU ARE THERE!

"What did he do to you??"
"The same thing he's going to do to you if you don't leave very soon!"
"No - the police and your husband are on their way, it's just safer to stay right here."
"You're wrong!"
"Look, I'm actually getting a little sick and tired of all your negativity!"

Surprisingly good little horror cheapie that offers a few genuine jolts and surprises, and then turns all hell loose with echoes of Evil Dead during the final 20 minutes. There is a big, and I mean BIG, drawback that holds its rating down - this thing is the DARKEST film I've ever seen. As in, many times the camera will point somewhere...and you can't see anything! And good luck following the chases and struggles. As a cheapie, pretty clear they decided to save on lights as everything appears to be lit naturally, which wouldn't be a problem if the whole thing didn't take place AT NIGHT. I didn't check the credits but I'm assuming they didn't need to hire any grips, maybe there's a "lightswitch flicking guy." The only film that could get any darker is the inevitable biopic of the Chilean miners shot from their POV.

Much of the acting is pretty bad, but in a good way for this kind of movie. The characters mostly take intelligent actions when aware of danger, except for one laughable bit when Jack assures a man on the phone they won't leave a strange, raving woman alone, then immediately clears the room leaving her alone in the next scene! Standing head & shoulders above the rest of the cast is total pro Tiffany Shepis who effortlessly steals the spotlight (ehh, bad choice of words in conjunction with this film) with her no-nonsense attitude & sexy behavior. Within minutes of meeting her, she's stripped down to her underwear and pulls a giant crossbow out of the closet to investigate sounds heard outdoors. If the film could have kept up this level of inspired awesomeness, they would have a mini-classic on their hands. As such, it's about 20 times better than I expected, I just wish I could've seen more of it.

If you've ever wished James Bond would put his mission on hold and fool around with the scores of gorgeous women he attracts, or if you wished Austin Powers was ten times funnier and had the indecency of showing his cast of lovelies without their clothes on, then Rod Steele is the secret agent for you. Certainly one of the funniest eroticoms ever made, and even without the abundant nudity it might be the best Bond parody! Unquestionably the one with the best title.

A lot of thought went into this production and got the most out of its meager budget. Obviously writer/director Rolfe Kanefsky is a fan of the source material and manages to satirize Bond conventions with regularity, from a hilarious song-and-opening-title sequence, right down to the Connery-influenced vocal burr of Robert Donavan. Our man Steele, you see, although British works for the American government, but unfortunately being a secret agent in tough economic times means departmental cutbacks which includes flying coach and scaling back on gadgetry. "What do they do?" asks Steele expectantly when lab wizard P presents him with a pair of black tennis shoes in his survival case. "They comfort your feet, and come in very handy in case you have to run."

Donavan is terrific and clearly enjoying himself and that extends throughout the cast, whatever their state of undress. Take De'Ann Power as evil mastermind Tangerina: every time she appears in a new scene, she's posed as a recreation of a notoriously racy photograph including LaToya Jackson's serpentine Playboy spread, Demi Moore's Vanity Fair cover, Janet Jackson in Rolling Stone, Marilyn Monroe in The Seven-Year Itch and Madonna. Throw in B-movie vet John LaZar and the beautiful bodies of Gabriella Hall, Jacqueline Lovell, Tammi Fallon, and Delphine Pacific, and any guy would be hard-pressed not to find something to smile about.

Right, I've finally seen it and everybody already knows about it, so what can I offer in my review that is significant? A few clinical observations that weren't apparent while you were oohing and aahing at the spectacle.

First and foremost, Avatar is a spectacle - and nothing else. Oh sure, there's a message about nature vs. industry, but it is conveyed in such a sledgehammer manner that if they reversed the roles, you'd be rooting for the army to come out on top. James Cameron has become worse than George Lucas in his storytelling, leaving no grey areas and precious little depth, which produces a very hollow emotional experience. When the bad guys are so obvious they practically have 'BAD GUY' tattooed on their foreheads, we're in with the heroes from the start. Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Ben Kenobi - hell, even Qui-Gon Jinn and Princess Amidala, these are allies I can rally around and who can lead an adventure and I'll follow enthusiastically. Jake Sully is no such hero, lacking in comportment, charisma, or simple general interesting traits. Additionally, and pardon my language but there is no clearer way to say this, Jake Sully could be the biggest dumbfuck in the history of movie dumbfucks.

Whaaat? Realize that he single-handedly was responsible for destroying the lives and culture of this clan of forest Na'vi by betraying their confidence and purposefully informing the army of their weaknesses. He does this for an operation that would restore his ability to walk which we are told is incredibly expensive, which in that exponentially advanced scientific world is obviously as preposterous a suggestion as actual wheelchairs still being used for invalids...oh, right... Anyway, during this 3-month sneakery, all the while feeding tactical information, he gets sucked into the world of the Na'vi and feels more at home with them than the "real" world (as revealed in one of only two meaningful reflections during Avatar's entire 2:40 run time), and yet during that entire time of immersion FAILS TO WARN THEM OF ANY POSSIBLE DANGER. Not even a veiled hint or an accidental slip? Unconscionable. And the icing on the cake of dumbfuckery: after he realizes his mistake yet is somehow surprised that he is outcast after fiery destruction occurs all around. Not the sharpest tool in the shed, our "hero." Cameron couldn't think of any realistic way to reconcile Jake's changes of favor with the clan so he concocted a stupid 'chosen one' cliche. Why is he chosen by Eywa, the divine spirit, anyway? Who knows?? This is never explained to any satisfaction and solely devised to prevent the Na'vi from filleting his bony blue body on sight.

I found the DSL hair-link to animals & plants rather razzable, and the creature designers never got on the phone with a biologist to share their ideas (giant leathery hammerhead behemoths running around a densely packed forest??) After meeting Jake and his squad of jarheads, I practically jumped out of my seat with excitement when I saw Sigourney Weaver walk into the picture. Great nostalgia seeing her reteam with her Aliens director but I wish her role had more impact, she starts out with a bang but then fades rapidly into the distant leafy background.

I've badmouthed this plenty so far, so why the positive rating? I return to my earlier contention: this is a spectacle, and one which is grand enough to shadow the many shortcomings. Plenty of visual imagination at work. While some of the various critters & plants might be biologically absurd, I could still appreciate the alien beauty and creativity on display. There were several sequences of pure smile-inducing thrills. Kiwi effects studio WETA broke new ground with dizzying complexity and the most advanced CGI so far. Realistic, but not yet completely convincing - after the novelty had worn off and the not-quite-natural, not-quite-real movements & textures became more apparent, I sat for the final hour aware I was basically watching a massive-scale, technologically-advanced, multimillion-dollar 'Tom and Jerry' cartoon. So in conclusion, I recommend you watch this eye-filler of an escape movie within the next ten years for full effect, otherwise you'll wonder what the fuss was all about just like that other over-hyped, poorly-plotted, action-reliant, special effects-leaden worldwide sensation...what was it called? Oh yeah: Titanic. Gotta hand it to you Jimbo, you know what grabs a crowd's attention.

Starts off as an amusingly low-key comedy which surprisingly turns into a history lesson about the German annexation of Czechoslovakia and the effect on its citizens during WW II. Some fine acting and injected with period flavor, the film follows the life of a poor waiter who dreams of owning his own hotel. In the opening shot, we see him in his 60's and getting released from prison after serving 14 years and 7 months of a 15 year sentence (getting out early for good behavior, ha) and find out how he got there. Interesting and with a share of charming & poignant moments sprinkled with substantial and unexpected nudity, all photographed with an artistic lens. This film won't amaze you but ought to hold your interest to the duration.

Decent eroticom that kicked off the popular 'Click' series in which a device invented by scientist John LaZar can manipulate the libido (among other things) when activated. The clicker constantly falls into the wrong hands of people who don't know how to use it and all variety of crazy sexiness ensues. In this instalment's screenplay by Rolfe Kanefsky, one of the best at penning flesh peddling, health club workers Gabriella Hall & David Chielens get ahold of the device and devise a way to boost business. Lots of good-looking women in this one, in addition to Hall we have the dynamite Jacqueline Lovell, Taylor St. Claire, and one of only three film appearances by the funny & sultry Nina Leichtling as the rival club owner looking to take over.

Nobody knows how to tighten a noose like Polanski. What start out as peculiar occurrences turn into nightmarish circumstances and eventually full-blown paranoia. Unfortunately, it's been awhile since he's really caused the fingers to dig into the armrests, and instead the noose feels more like an uncomfortable necktie. That trend, much like the atmosphere in Frantic and The Ninth Gate, continues with The Ghost Writer which really should have had me on the edge of my seat.

Plenty of trademark POV shots put you in the seat of Ewan McGregor, a writer hired to complete the memoirs of a former British Prime Minister (Pierce Brosnan) whose previous ghost writer was found drowned on the beach. He finds he follows a path unnervingly similar to his expired predecessor as he begins to uncover some suspicious information regarding his new client, who has suddenly come under scrutiny of the World Court for assisting in the torture of captured terrorists. What emerges is an involving mystery with a rather surprising plot development, but never cuts loose and doesn't hold up to close scrutiny. The final shot is a good one though.

You've probably guessed it's no Shaun of the Dead, but that's unfair expectation. This time they enjoy playing around with action film conventions with mostly entertaining results. Simon Pegg convinces as no-nonsense big-city cop reassigned to rural hamlet (his arrest record was making the rest of his department look bad) and his real-life partner-in-crime Nick Frost makes an affable partner who dreams of experiencing the same thrills in his job as he does watching his DVD collection, including Point Break, Bad Boys II, and Supercop. The big shoot-em-up finale takes those movies to task while giving a big wink in the process. A big demerit to the hyperediting throughout though, unnecessarily injecting an air of 'edginess' at every corner, instead the edginess I felt was at the synapses of my brain wanting to rupture.

If you judge your softcore flicks solely by the skin factor, then Virtual Encounters 2 has you covered with many steamy scenes which include actresses Jill Tompkins and personal favorite Brandy Davis who shines in 5 scenes. The plot however is nearly nonexistent: two college dudes are developing a virtual reality sex program, while one of them dreams of winning over the girl of his, uh, dreams. A simple case of skin over substance in this one.

It's all Brandy Davis, all the time in this top-drawer offering of softcore entertainment. OK, there's plenty of Lorissa McComas too if you prefer artificial sweetener over sugar. However Brandy is the star attraction in this show and delivers her most playfully uninhibited performance ever which is a joy to behold. Unfortunately that only lasts during the first half as the darker thriller elements emerge, but still she can act a little bit and if you're a fan this is a must-see.

To detractors who wonder if there is any merit to this film's existence, I have three words for you:

Barbara.
Alyn.
Woods.

This was among my first DTV (or direct-to-video) experiences, and while the plot is as bad as any of them, Dance With Death gets elevated far above its peers because of Barbara's class, her smile, and her breasts.

Someone is killing strippers at the local titty bar, so naturally the only way to catch the criminal is for a female reporter to go undercover because hey, the police have better things to do, right? Many DTV movies use this outline, but Dance With Death is the only one starring a bona fide actress. Check out Barbara's resume: in addition to being a regular castmember on successful TV series One Tree Hill and Honey, I Shrunk the Kids over multiple seasons, she has appeared on Seinfeld, Wings, Dream On, Murder She Wrote, Picket Fences, Ally McBeal and on and on. You don't land roles on that many quality shows by being just a pretty face. That's how she's able to give her character Kelly more depth, which in turn makes her stripping scenes that much sexier. As in smoking hot!!

And speaking of talent, as a bonus you also get a pre-Phoebe Lisa Kudrow with dark hair in a small role! (She doesn't strip, but she feigns the movements to encourage Kelly to remove her clothes during her audition which is pretty funny.) There's also Martin Mull as the hilariously heartless strip club owner and Michael McDonald as a perv years before his stint on Mad TV. In all honesty, beyond these factors this is pretty bad but earns extra nostalgia points. The script is OK but the pacing is stiff and has an ungodly long climax - this killer makes Michael Myers look like a quitter. Still, if you're like me you'll make lemonade and recognize the advantages of Miss BAW running around for an extra 10 minutes in a tiny blue dress.

Absorbing sci-fi tale about a man named Sam stationed alone for 3 years on the moon mining energy-rich Helium-3 ore with his only companion the moon base's all-purpose computer Gerty. He is thankful there are only 2 weeks remaining on his contract and he can return to Earth and reunite with his wife & daughter. But that much time in isolation may have affected Sam's mind as he begins to see things...

To reveal more would be criminal as this is a generally slow-paced, methodical film that pulls the viewer in deeper with every revelation. Elements and ideas borrowed from sci-fi classics Blade Runner, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Solaris, and Silent Running are spun in new directions, creating a familiar vibe yet with unexpected outcomes. Sam Rockwell does a great job as Sam in a one-man (or really two-man) show, and the visual staging tricks are handled with skill to create a nearly seamless experience. Highly recommended to enthusiasts of thinking man's science fiction.

One of the slowest-moving, thrill-barren thrillers you're likely to see coming out of Hollywood in some time, I almost believe the one F-bomb is the sole reason for its rating of PG-13, that's how flat it is. One particular twist I could've seen coming, but I try not to think too much so that I can enjoy any surprises that arrive. Therefore this one raised my eyebrows and stifled my breath...for all of 5 seconds. That's how quickly I realized how ridiculous it was and how it is a complete cheat as certain characters' behavior in hindsight is completely illogical, not to mention one extraordinary coincidence. A cheap attempt to save a movie lacking in suspense but actually destroys its credibility. If that's not enough offense, they throw in a Deus Ex Machina just to be sure the ship is truly scuttled.

OK, so what goes right? Star power, baby. Angelina Jolie's face, often shown in closeup, is the definition of beauty here, save for some shamefully overdone eye makeup - still, she's scoring a 9.7 out of 10. She plays a coolly devious woman of mystery, while Johnny Depp is the smitten math teacher she entices into a dangerous case of mistaken identity. He looks rather plump and oddly seems to find it a little difficult acting "normal" for once but still has that Depp charisma. I was interested in following their story, I just wish it was in a better movie. I think the director was aiming for a classy thriller like Hitchcock's To Catch A Thief which is admirable, relying on a romantic angle rather than gunfights. The exquisite locations of Paris & Venice certainly contribute their beauty to the cause, but they are window dressing for a vacant showroom.

OK pre-noir B-movie with striking Ella Raines determined to save her boss from death row by finding his only alibi to his wife's murder, a woman in a peculiar hat who nobody seems to remember. Boosted by some nifty lighting and frame composition, but a contrived plot applies a Medieval knowledge of mental illness as the psychological slant and the crafty Raines does some unbelievably stupid things just to create tension at the end. Ultimately it's nothing you haven't seen before, except perhaps the crazed drum solo at the tiny jazz club no larger than my closet which seems to take its cues from Reefer Madness!

Sadly cannot live up to that legendary title, but then what film could? Two women are transported through a magic mirror to a 2-building Old West backlot that ostensibly existed in 1888. They must find their way back to the present day before one of them is hung for a murder she didn't commit. Amy Lindsay is the implicated quick-tempered smartass while Kim Yates is the frustrated yes girl. Director Sam Silver has no idea how to generate heat with his sex scenes, and the script sure isn't intended to carry the picture. The only benefits come from the attractive if barely gyrating natural forms of our leading ladies. In particular Yates, despite an unflattering haircut, has one well-shot scene that rates high among her career body of work, so to speak.

Mission accomplished with this low-budget vampiric erotic thriller, a step up from the second installment which was also directed by Bob Kubilos. A change in writers helped inject some fresh ideas in the continuing saga of Jennifer, now instilled with the extremely rare powers of a Pure Vampire: she can walk around in daylight. Fellow affluent vampire Victor craves her power and holds penthouse parties hoping to lure her into his web of seduction.

Whereas many movies of this ilk usually clock between 80-85 minutes, ETD 3 goes for a full-blooded feature length of over 100 minutes. Even accounting for the hefty half-hour of nakedness, that leaves a lot of room for some story which is interesting enough to stave off boredom between carnival rides. As for that particular half-hour, the Seinfeld show opined, "What kind of naked? There is good naked and there is bad naked." ETD 3 is chock full of the good kind, featuring Mia Zottoli, Tiffany Shepis, and starring Chelsea "My God Your Eyes Are So Incredibly" Blue. With this one and Bounty Huntress 2 under my belt, I wonder if I can give any Chelsea movie under 3 stars. She's rather a poor actress (only with her clothes on, mind you), but that results through lack of skill instead of effort. There is a difference - at least she tries her best, which translates onscreen as markedly more watchable than an actress who doesn't care.

"You've got to show them you're in control."
"Control? You're a teenager. Look at your face. Look at what you're eating. My god, look at your shirt. You aren't in control of anything."

Keenly perceptive one-night adventure riding a high-quality script as an estranged uncle takes his awkward nephew for a night on the town with the goal of getting some action. Campbell Scott is terrific as the glib, obnoxious, manipulative, yet strangely well-meaning Uncle Roger while Jesse Eisenberg is ideally cast as Jesse Eisenberg, only even younger. Women would do well to take cautionary notes of the many predatory tricks outlined here! Natural lighting leads to many dark shots, and I eventually grew tired of peering around shoulders with the handheld camerawork, but those are the only major production knocks against this tiny-budgeted indie. Watch for Kristen Bell in an uncredited role delivering the last 3 lines!

"Who the hell is that interrupting my kung fu??!!"

Can a film be an homage and a parody at the same time? That is the rare feat Black Dynamite achieves as an almost-straight-faced blaxploitaion feature with film stock that looks salvaged from Eastman-Kodak's warehouse in 1974. Black Dynamite does not wink to the camera (well, hardly.) Black Dynamite pulls no punches (well, almost.) I think you have to be familiar with the source material to truly get the most out of Black Dynamite - I've seen a handful of Shaft and Pam Grier flicks so I caught most of Black Dynamite's jibes, and they are often hilarious.

The most obvious inspirations behind Black Dynamite are the lampooning MAD-TV blaxploitation skits and the brilliantly funny film I'm Gonna Git You Sucka! Nicole Sullivan appears in a small role here and Wayans stalwart Tommy Davidson also crosses over to Black Dynamite further defining those connections. That film was a straight-up affectionate parody, whereas Black Dynamite draws cues from Tarantino & Rodriguez' Grindhouse features by including bad edits, flubbed lines, obvious stock footage, and continuity errors for terrific comedic effect. Black Dynamite goes a little over-the-top during the grand finale assault on the White House, but hey that's kinda the point.

Michael Jai White is spot on as baaaad muther...(SHUT YER MOUTH) ex-CIA agent Black Dynamite out to clean the streets of smack and avenge his brother's death (see, even Black Dynamite's plot mirrors Sucka's!) I laughed a lot during Black Dynamite which offers a lot for film buffs and casual viewers alike. But if you don't understand why I keep mentioning Black Dynamite during this review, then perhaps you should get a feel for the originals before watching Black Dynamite to get the most out of Black Dynamite.

Clearly this writer is trying to overcome some hangups through overcompensation by penning an extremely profane script. Not even sailors on the USS Sodomizer speak with such frank vulgarity, much less ordinary American couples. Despite these forced dialogue elements, this is often a rather funny swingers-weekend-gone-wrong. The actors all do a good job and create pretty well-defined characters who aren't merely stereotypes. With a cleaned-up script by a writer who didn't think he had something to prove, I could easily give this a recommendation. There are quite a few laughs and witty interjections in & around the pervasive graphic sex talk, but enough is enough.

Dog Soldiers, I decree thee...Best Werewolf Movie of All Time!

I had a backup plan when I started watching this because who wants to see another werewolf movie? I've only seen a few and I thought that was enough. But instead of forcing us to endure another writhing transformation scene, we are placed on the other side of the 8-ball. We follow a team of soldiers on a boring training exercise in the remote Scottish countryside that soon becomes engaged in a fight for their lives against a pack of strange feral creatures...with fangs.

Just like with The Descent, director Neil Marshall once again does an excellent job of familiarizing us with the team of characters during the first act so that WE become a part of the team and have an emotional investment in what happens once the shit hits the fan. Kevin McKidd (equally impressive as Vorenus on HBO's excellent Rome series) commands attention as one of the two combat veterans on this team. In fact the acting is uniformly solid from seasoned British actors with interesting personalities, ingredients normally absent in a horror movie. Plenty of blood, gore, pulse-pounding mayhem, blackly comic relief, and even a couple surprises await. The creature effects are sometimes dodgy ("hey look, it's a dude in a suit!") so the minimalist technique of showing a flailing arm here, a flash of toothy mouth there was a wise decision. AAAAHH-OOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Dull thongs 'n' thugs drama with only the bods of Kim Yates and Teresa Langley keeping it afloat. Boasts one of the most unthreatening bad guys you'll find in the movies with a laughable punch-for-punch resolution. Keep the remote handy, and please take away the editor's crossfader!

I should have listened to the underwhelming response here, but the intriguing trailer on Encore gave me hope that even if it wasn't any good, it'd be interesting to watch. And it is, for awhile, until the glacial pace drags you down with it.

This is essentially Australian Beauty with the voyeuristic photographer kid and his attractive neighbor parts thrust into the ugly-beneath-the-polished-facade world of Blue Velvet as they probe the mysteries behind the doors of the house at #46. The introverted photographer kid looks like Elijah Wood at his most bewildered and is very one-note, which grows frustrating as he is supposed to carry the movie. The pacing of many scenes is awful and drag on for no reason so I grew tired of this potentially interesting mystery, and then got completely shortchanged with a pathetic ending that is as hard to swallow as it is underwritten. Save your time and don't bother.

If the name Dario Argento means anything to you, don't be fooled - there is nothing in Giallo to distinguish it from any other second-rate serial killer drudgery. Weak plot, lame killer, only a couple brief acts of gruesome violence (if that's your thing) have any chance to leave an impression. What you really get is 90 minutes of Brody smoking, Seigner pleading, and Pataky screaming to test your patience.

I counted at least eight producers, three executive producers, and two associate producers in the credits, a telling indicator that nobody had much confidence this would turn out for the good.

The title might lead you believe (as I did) that this is a collection of 18 love stories in the mold of Love Actually or Ten Tiny Love Stories. In that case, madames et monsieurs, you would be incorrect. While the majority revolve around male-female relationships, I was pleased to discover the focus of those are not all based purely on romance. The loosely binding theme is that the stories each take place in a separate locale of Paris, although not all serve as a showcase.

As with most smorgasbord movies, one would generally expect a film with 18 different directors to be disjointed at best and an utter mess at worst, but happily Paris, Je T'aime manages to wrap a colorful ribbon around them all. Each sequence lasts between 6-8 minutes and I found only two of them inconsequential, one featuring Maggie Gyllenhaal as a drug-indulging actress who perhaps carries a flame for her dealer and the other concerning a single mother who serves as nanny for a rich woman's child far across town.

For the best, I have to start with the Coen brothers dark comedy tale with Steve Buscemi as an unfortunate tourist who encounters trouble in a metro station without ever saying a word. The opening establishing shots are pure Coen brilliance. Another contender for favorite is Alfonso Cuarón's clever anecdote about what seems like an affair between Ludivigne Sagnier and Nick Nolte (man, cigarettes have really taken a toll on that guy's voice) but has a surprise in store at the end, all in one continuous shot. Other highlights include Wes Craven's funny tale of an engaged couple (Rufus Sewell & Emily Mortimer) visiting Oscar Wilde's tomb, Tom Tykwer's existential examination of the relationship between aspiring actress Natalie Portman and blind interpreter Melchior Beslon with stylistic echoes of Run Lola Run, a touching tragedy involving a parking garage janitor and an EMT worker from Oliver Schmitz, the delightfully surreal Christopher Doyle segment involving Barbet Schroeder trying to sell hair products to Li Xin at a Chinese styling salon, and Vincenzo Natali's wordless encounter between backpacking Elijah Wood and a mysterious and menacing vampire Olga Kurylenko!

As you can deduce, there is enough variety to pique interest about what's around the next corner. Other stargazing in this constellation includes Juliette Binoche, Bob Hoskins, Gena Rowlands, Fanny Ardant, Gerard Depardieu, Miranda Richardson, and Willem Dafoe as a cowboy! Lots on display to enjoy here, especially for rabid Francophiles.

One of the most memorable & original frighteners to come out of the '90s. Virgina Madsen does her best Sharon Stone (truly, it's incredible how similar the two looked and acted at this stage of their careers) while probing a local urban legend that circulates in the nearby housing projects for her thesis. Trouble is, that particular urban legend is none too thrilled about having his reputation debunked.

Bloody, filthy, and delivers plenty of jolts, the most effective times occurring after long stretches of silence instead of those moments following tell-tale musical cues. Candyman is one evil S.O.B. who knows how to hold a grudge. Madsen gets in deeper and deeper with terrible consequences until she finally realizes there is only one way out, leading to a blazing finale. But even after watching this several times, the big question still remains: why is he called Candyman?? Beats the hell out of me. Maybe we should ask him: Candyman...Candyman...Candyman...Candyman........................

"Love is a wish that hides in your heart, and you're the only one that knows about it"

What a great line, that practically made the whole movie worth watching.
Put Barry Sonnenfeld at the helm of Bandits and you'd probably have another jolly good buddy/caper/love triangle flick with snappy, well-timed dialogue akin to Men In Black. But Barry Levinson seems out of his depth with this material. The Bandits he directed suffers from a multiple personality disorder. Willis & Thornton do not play off each other quite as well as Jones & Smith. There are bright moments, like when hypochondriac Thornton falls to the dancefloor in a self-imagined paralysis. "Mind if I cut in?" quips Willis. "Yeah...sure...I lost the beat." But these highlights aren't strung together as much as we'd like.

What about that disorder? Well, characterizations are inconsistent. Willis & Thornton are a bankrobbing tandem where Willis is set up as the brawn and Thornton the brain. Some exchanges are set up purely to show the dumb side of Willis for a chuckle, yet in the very next scene he's just as mentally quick as Thornton, whose laundry list of phobias come and go. Between them is Cate Blanchett, a woman bored with her unloving husband and through a chance encounter joins the gang and becomes romantically attached to both criminals. Her consistency forms the bonds that keep the movie together, despite its other drawbacks, which include a largely unnecessary time-shifting screenplay and a rather dubious final heist to contend with. The wonky tone is much more comedic than dramatic, and while some deliveries fall flat, some had me bursting with laughter.

Stringing together scenes that look like they could have been filmed years apart between rewrites, this could have been a REAL mess. But y'know, most of the dialogue still has spark and I kinda liked the characters and humor, so for final sentencing I'm going to give these Bandits time off for good behavior..

Huge split between fans & critics on this and I can see exactly why. For the casual viewer, this might take some interesting twists, but the seasoned filmgoer can read it like a roadmap. The plot is strictly linear and told in a conventional Hollywood manner. Clive Owen is solid once again as an earnest (but maddeningly stupid) executive who regrets his mistakes and will do anything to correct them, however Jennifer Aniston is a little hollow and occupies less than half the screen time Clive receives. Melissa George is always an asset though.

Um, because all the main characters attend, research, or teach at a university? That's the only reason I can pinpoint behind the title, because nobody gets taught anything, except perhaps 'don't pick up a weapon you find next to a dead body because it tends to make you look guilty when the cops show up.' Our cast contains some slow learners though.

The mystery is not half-bad, really. Keeps you guessing. Judy Thompson bumps into her high school best friend Kim Yates who is still a wild child, and sexual sparks and murderous accusations fly in equal doses. Judy Thompson has a pretty face, but what a sad decision to wreck her body with cannonball implants. Kim Yates on the other hand looks her best, finally getting the help of a professional hairstylist as her standard barber must've been a Franciscan monk. She has three sizzling lengthy nude scenes which comprise the real reasons to watch this movie. As hot as she is in this, her acting is inversely awful. Yet somehow that never really matters to me with Kim - her worst performances are often her most appealing (and she's got plenty to choose from.)

The 'Why Can't This Happen In Real Life?' moment:
At a faculty party, Kim in a greatly exaggerated motion spills her drink on Judy and exclaims, "OH MY GOD!! I am such a klutz! I can't believe it, oh I'm sorry, here, take my dress!"

Appears at first as a dull by-the-numbers wander around a ghost ship but unexpectedly transforms into a paradox wrapped around a puzzle stuffed within a conundrum. Unfortunately it takes 40 minutes to show signs of life, which also goes for leading lady Melissa George who until that point gave me great disappointment by interacting in a thoroughly confused state. Turns out there are good reasons for that, which the final hour thoroughly confounds us with.

I am intrigued with the intricate machinations of Triangle but I cannot fathom that if questioned the writer/director could possibly account for the plethora of paradoxes within this Mobius filmstrip he has constructed. The intent must be to react with the gut and not the head, and I simply couldn't stop mine from asking too many questions. Other drawbacks include a pedestrian supporting cast and a flat script (count how many times someone asks "Are you OK?" and bring a friend's fingers & toes) which is front-loaded with expository dialogue.

Certainly not a failure as it kept my brain busy and Melissa wears a pair of short-shorts the entire movie, but I would recommend David Twohy's World War II submarine spooker Below or Visitors with Radha Mitchell for superior maritime brink-of-insanity queasiness that a dose of Dramamine cannot quash.

Saw this one in Italian. I don't speak Italian. Take what you will from this review at your own risk. However it's not like the Sex Files series attracts viewers through ample displays of witty banter.

Apparently some psychic investigators visit a castle where one of Saddam Hussein's body doubles worshipped the devil and held hedonistic petticoat parties in his underfurnished basement. One of the psi-nerds contorts and squeals like an Italian girl when he gets a vision of the past. Somehow our team manages to travel across time via a corridor behind a wine rack so flimsy that even IKEA wouldn't sell it. The devil-liking dude tumbles forth from a painting commissioned at the local Art In The Park novelty tent and attempts to possess the leading lovelies with the evil spirit through rituals that take hopelessly far too long when you have good guys banging down the door.

The star attraction here is Sage Kirkpatrick, here known by the wackiest of pseudonyms Ravenelle Richardson, the kind of name you'd end up with after 30 minutes of frustration trying to create a new Gmail account. That's her front & center on the DVD cover while the satanic Spanish version of Bruce Campbell hovers behind her right shoulder. She's not as well known as other B-movie skin queens, but her body ranks right up among the most voluptuous of them. Also appearing in a small role is favorite Maureen Flaherty, so that tandem accounts for the two stars.

With Howard Hawks directing a screenplay co-written by Billy Wilder, how can you go wrong? Ball of Fire offers one answer: hopelessly dated material. Gary Cooper is well cast as stiff, puritanical linguist who is one among eight experts in other areas of science & literature sequestered in a house together for nine years writing a new encyclopedia because the benefactor felt slighted he didn't get a mention in Britannica for inventing the the electric toaster. Yes, only in a Hawks or Frank Capra movie will you find this scenario! Into their sheltered lives storms Sugarpuss O'Shea (no, I did not make that up) upon the pretense of helping Cooper with his study of slang but who is really there to circumvent police interrogation at the request of her gangster boyfriend.

What struck me most during this movie is how much times have changed since 1941, staggeringly so. Most of the slang expressions introduced here have long since been extinct, the electric guitarist plays scratch rhythms in a big swing band, there is one brief shot of a non-white actor during the whole 2 hours in New York, Cooper proposes to a woman he's known for a week because "it's the next logical step" after having declared his love the evening before, and the sight of a woman's bare leg completely disrupts the scholarly function of the entire house. (Well, that last one might still apply depending upon whom the leg is attached.) I've seen & love many old movies but occasionally catch one that seems better left in the time capsule.

Barbara Stanwyck is indisputably terrific as the titular pyrotechnic display Sugarpuss, providing a consistent spark as she commandeers this collection of blubbering elderly bachelors. Fans will love watching her in this.

A gradual buildup of dread and punctuated outbursts of explosive rage mark this disturbing true story adaptation from Australia. What distinguishes In Her Skin from other true crime stories is the unusual identity of the perpetrator and the monstrous method in which they carried out their senseless villainy. I think the less you know about the details of this case beforehand, the more emotional impact this movie will have in the moment, so I will not reveal them. Family unit Miranda Otto & Guy Pearce, who plays against type here, project a palpable combination of determination and desperation, while Ruth Bradley delivers an extremely brave & convincing performance. Her self-loathing rant in front of her father is one of the most powerful scenes I have witnessed in a long time.

"I'm telling you, these walls change a man. First you hate 'em, then you get used to 'em. And if you hang around long enough, you come to depend on 'em. That's institutionalized."

Look at that 98% rating! Highest I've seen here, not even Casablanca with 94% surpasses that level of acclaim. Took me this long to watch Shawshank because I was expecting to face a long, dreary, philosophical prison movie. And what do you know, I got a long, inspiring, philosophical prison movie.

Wait, what?

"I guess it comes down of one of two things: you either get busy living or get busy dying."

The message of this movie is the importance and existence of hope even when circumstances are darkest. Tim Robbins, a soft-spoken banker falsely convicted of murdering his wife and her lover, has a slow developing but ultimately profound effect on seasoned inmate Morgan Freeman. The growing friendship between them is wonderful to watch as they try to survive the daily rigors and soul-crushing banality of prison life overseen by a warden as devilish as the worst inmate. I've seen plenty of prison films but seldom are they as spiritually uplifting while still depicting the harsh realities. The resolution of Robbins' story is superbly told and full-belly satisfying. Freeman's tale culminates a little corny but still ends on a high note.

Bump that approval to 98.00001%.

"Music is the stuff of dreams."

Despite the implications within the title, I was not expecting such austerity. The heart under examination belongs in fact to withdrawn luthier Daniel Auteuil and is the object of frustration to his business partner's mistress, violinist Emmanuelle Beart. Usually those roles are the other way around, at least in American films, so that represents something of a divergence.

Auteuil is a master at his profession and draws all of his satisfaction in life from his work and the sounds his instruments create. He is not a recluse but cannot open up to anyone and finds no value in emotional attachments. Through no fault of his own devising, he eventually finds himself at odds with his closest associates. The message seems to be that if you repress your ability to feel emotion, you're actually hurting yourself even worse. In fact Auteuil expresses a line to that effect in her apartment. The final shot of Beart pulling her eyes away from the cafe window where Auteuil sits as her car drives off is rather haunting and we are left in his shoes wondering what could have been.

Other than violin passages at rehearsals and recording sessions, there is interestingly no soundtrack so we feel the same cold vacant space that Auteuil otherwise occupies. Although I have long suspected, I am now convinced enough to put in writing: Emmanuelle Beart is the most beautiful actress since Grace Kelly. And watching a beautiful woman playing beautiful music is my idea of heaven on earth. She practiced the violin every day for one year to prepare for this role, and the results pay off - naturally they overdubbed in postproduction (one year doesn't turn you into a virtuoso) but she actually plays all the complicated pieces and convincingly demonstrates that she could handle them.

Useless, even as a timekiller.

With the title L'Enfer (meaning Hell) and a story by famed French suspense master Henri-Georges Couzot, you cannot help but have some idea about what you're getting into. Paul works hard at managing his fledgling hotel and never gets enough sleep, and right at his side is his beautiful wife Nelly carrying her share of the load while raising their young son. Stress takes its toll on Paul as he begins hearing voices and suspects Nelly of straying into a young car mechanic's arms. And that's just for starters!

L'Enfer follows the one-track mind of Paul and never deviates from the theme of jealousy. Over time we see Paul transform from a pitiable figure into a despicable monster, and apart from a couple wobbles Francois Cluzet capably handles the task. Emmanuelle Beart is even better as Nelly as she deftly handles a wide range from the radiantly bouncy bride to the confused & frightened subject of scorn. The further the movie goes, the more we see slightly modified replays of earlier scenes because of the single-minded nature of the screenplay. Still, director Chabrol achieves his goal of depicting a marriage completely crumbling through one man's inability to accept the keystone building block of trust.

Many bad choices in this potentially intriguing story of twisted love and double-cross. You'd think Harvey Keitel would make an ideal NYC cabbie, instead he said to himself "hey, you know, this time I think I'm a-gonna throw in a little aboriginal mysticism into my character 'cos I just saw an article in National Geographic - didn't read the whole thing, but I think I got the gist." At least he settles a longstanding bar bet here by proving that he is the world's worst interpretive dancer. Meanwhile Emmanuelle Beart fluctuates within the space of a scene - she expresses herself in English decently, but extracting a true performance becomes more difficult with a limiting script like this. Her scenes with Keitel are undoubtedly awkward, and that's even before they do the nasty. Then it's like watching the Venus de Milo get used as a coat rack for a tattered leather jacket.

The story gets a little kickstart once Beart's true motive is revealed, but quickly squanders that momentum. She has better chemistry with Norman Reedus, and the scenes between them with her silent yearning are the best in the movie - not what a director of a thriller should hope to achieve! Dumb plot points seal its doom, the biggest of which is the driving element: Reedus' obsession with finding his girlfriend's killer, a man who drove a cab with a scratched door and wore a ring and red jacket. You'd have a hard time narrowing your suspects in Little Rock, Arkansas the next day with that profile, let alone 3 years later in the city with more cabbies than Larry King has failed marriages.

What a pathetically limp title too, a more accurate one would be D-Minus Crime.

Supreme performances from two of the world's finest actresses highlight this absorbing drama that does not follow the typical arc. The story of Sheba Hart (Cate Blanchett) as an attractive art teacher covertly having sex with a 15 year-old student practically writes itself if this was produced for Lifetime. However once her confidant and fellow teacher Barbara Covett (Judi Dench) who has taken Sheba under her wing discovers the immoral affair, the bonds of their relationship tighten through shared secrecy, and Barbara has ulterior motives that we do not see coming. Both characters have serious flaws and Cate & Judi are completely convincing within their actions - we don't agree with them, but we understand why they take them. Going in I thought this was a true story and actually was surprised when I found out this is an adaptation of a fiction novel. The sensationalistic subject matter is similar to other real-life news stories and credit goes to Richard Eyre for crafting a film within the boundaries of reality. Notes on a Scandal plays out the trashiness of a tabloid but with the veracity of a police blotter.

Once the end credits roll, you may think to yourself that Les Egarés doesn't add up to much. Or you may see it like me and find a lot of value in those little pieces. The film follows a mother and her son & daughter fleeing from Paris in June 1940 as the Nazis invade. Soon they encounter a streetwise - or in this case, countrywise - youth who knows more about survival than the three of them combined. They stumble upon an abandoned luxury house far from the German warpath and have serious choices to make about their futures.

I learned a little bit about the hardships of French citizens during the WW II occupation and experienced a little bit of rushing fear as German planes drop their bombs. The 4-way dynamic between the characters forms the core of the film with the varying degrees of experience each person has creating a separate layer to explore: the hopeful yet pragmatic mother, the bluntly realistic loyal son, the quizzical innocent young daughter, and the bold resourceful stranger who is not all he claims to be. Emmanuelle Béart delivers a strong, resolute performance, as does newcomer Gaspard Ulliel. The other child actors also contribute seamlessly, which is vitally important since Béart is the only adult present during most of the film. The ending came rather unexpectedly & reminded me of Cuckoo's Nest without the underlying inspirational message. Nevertheless, with Les Egarés I found the parts greater than the sum.

Harmless road sex comedy as two guys constantly get themselves into trouble trying to drive to Malibu for a giant scientific symposium on the effects of greenhouse gases...oh wait, no it's for a party. Megahot properties Renee Rea and Tracy Ryan are the babes in pursuit to bump this up to 2 stars since unfortunately only the all-natural phenomenon Susan Featherly is noteworthy among the otherwise over-inflated female encounters along the route. The two college idiots are more likable than the usual role-fillers, and the entire foursome returns for the slightly improved sequel Fast Lane To Vegas.

Eros the Greek god of love, strangely in the guise of the Grim Reaper on a bad cloak day, appears in apparitional form to flip the libido switch on troubled couples. The to-camera confessions are pretty ridiculous, but I gotta hand it to the cast that every one of them managed to keep a straight face. Highlights are great separate sensual segments involving the dollfaced Brandy Davis (including a pairing with Nancy O'Brien that is can't-miss!) and a close-cropped Catalina Larranaga as a sexy hairstylist. Kim Dawson's bit has just one nudie scene instead of the standard two but makes it count. The heat factor is very high in this movie but the self-serious connecting material is too dumb to ignore so some remote usage may be required.

For what it is - Ye Olde Teene Slashre Filme - IKWYDLS is plenty serviceable. Buxom JLH and SMG (for this shall be the All-Acronym Review, AKA AAR) are the main attractions and play their parts very well, while FPJ provides a cool counterbalance to the over-the-edge raving of Ryan Phillippe. Or RP, if you prefer.

The first hour is rather solid suspense building as our quartet accidentally kills a wandering pedestrian late at night and dump the not-quite-dead body in the drink, only to receive mysterious letters a year later that reveal what you already know from the unsubtlest title of 1997. But who is writing these threats? What does s/he want?

I can pinpoint the moment I Know What You Did Last Summer begins to go sour: after JLH opens her trunk to find revolting contents that disappear when she returns to show her friends scant minutes later. Until then we had a nice little chiller on our hands, then we're suddenly splashed with cold water and told that the laws of science and the space-time continuum don't apply to this movie, and don't bother trying to ask Albert Einstein because he's dead. Pools of blood disappear when the police are searching, dead bodies get removed from residential streets in broad daylight and nobody notices, and a villain whose top speed is 'unhurried amble' outpaces would-be victims fleeing for their lives. The final scene setting up an obvious sequel is among the most blatant examples which disrespects the audience, as if people don't care about the means to a thrill. So while they pissed away most of their credibility, this still is a decent watch with surprisingly impressive performances from the leading ladies. I actually watched this because I'm a bit of an Anne Hecheonado, and she has a good part as a dead man's reclusive sister.

This little indie mockumentary is apparently so indie that I had to suggest adding it to Flixster! Surprising since it stars Jennifer Tilly and has Elizabeth Hurley in a cameo. A film producer who dreams of bringing a Victorian period drama to life finds himself constantly compromising just to prevent the project's collapse under the burden of a new daily catastrophe. Such obstacles include a belligerent foul-mouthed director, the local mafia, a flock of intrusive noisy pigeons, and budget constraints that require they attempt to recreate 19th century England in rural Romania with Romanian extras who can't speak a word of English!

Quite funny throughout, shedding some light as well as flashing a knowingly wry smile upon the world of low-budget filmmaking. Not quite as good as the simailrly-themed and equally indie/unknown ...And God Spoke but still a pleasant surprise.

On second viewing I must admit this gets bogged down with so many talky sequences for a comic book movie, but that's what transforms this comic book character into an actual person that an audience can relate to and not just another dull abstract mutant with superpowers. I still don't understand why so many of the action bits are marred by ridiculous physics as Hulk can jump half a mile and survive a fall from 30,000 feet. Overcompensation? The tone is deadly serious so I really liked the way Ang Lee regularly throws in some nifty comicbook panel-style framing just to remind us, and probably himself too, that after all this ain't Charles Dickens. Eric Bana makes an earnest & troubled Bruce Banner while Jennifer Connelly outbabes Kirsten Dunst & Kate Bosworth for appealing female presence. Not your ordinary superhero movie which, given their usual paint-by-numbers pattern, is a good thing.

Another Saw clone - nine people are kidnapped & locked in a room together and must figure out why they are there, or else one is executed every ten minutes. Some pretty bad acting by at least half the cast yet surprisingly watchable in trying to unfold the mystery, and the ill-advised giveaway title results in not exactly the nine people dead you might think. Interesting that the film advances in real time and might actually work better as a stage play. Niche interest for those wanting to see a swearing grown-up Sabrina.

Completely crazy nightmare for Sam Neill as insurance claims investigator sent to find the whereabouts of bestselling horror author Sutter Cain, whose novels have a troubling effect on his ever-growing number of readers. Usually this sort of probe into the psyche results in cinematic chaos, but director John Carpenter manages to hold the pieces together while telling this inventive study of the nature of reality. There are twists, surprises, scary images, in-jokes (e.g. mental hospital resident Dr. Sapperstein named after Rosemary's devil-worshiping doctor) and a mind-bending story. The only real drawbacks are the dumb "boo!" moments and poor performance from Cain's editor Julie Carmen.

Rates as Carpenter's best horror feature behind The Thing and Halloween. Clearly inspired by H.P. Lovecraft, this is the best unofficial homage to his books which otherwise have never been successfully translated onto film.

Forgettable '80s-style horror flick that is largely unhorrifying and without director Jim Wynorski's usual amusing touches except for a brilliant sequence where a character finds herself in a Night of the Living Dead version of It's A Wonderful Life! Cameos from Brigitte Nielsen as occult store owner and Monique Gabrielle as lawyer Lawler. Not as clever as Bob Loblaw but they tried.

Geez people, what else do you want from an action comedy?? Apparently I'm in the minority of people who found a bellyful of boisterous fun behind the green masks of our dynamic duo. This is actually very similar in feel to Pineapple Express in its ruthless energy and lighthearted tone that unwisely turns more serious during an over-the-top destructive finale.

Nobody projects unbridled onscreen enthusiasm like Seth Rogen as newspaper heir Britt Reid who talks his martial-arts skilled mechanic Kato (Jay Chou) into fighting crime while ingeniously projecting to the world an aura of wrongdoing themselves in order to protect their secret agenda from the criminal underworld. THIS is what being a regular guy-turned-superhero would feel like, demonstrated by every gleeful and/or panicked adrenalin-fueled outburst from Rogen. You need a heavy hitter to match him for screen attention, so who do you call upon for female interest? Why the perpetually perky Cameron Diaz, of course!

Christopher Waltz is great fun as the archenemy crime lord Chudnofsky who comes to realize that his low-key demeanor and bland dress style does not instill the fear his position requires, pointed out by James Franco in a hilarious early cameo as a brash mafia wannabe. Jay Chou has some trouble with English but holds his own as Rogen's "sidekick" even though his fighting and technical abilities are the real secrets behind their success. The jealousy that arises is an interesting source of conflict between the pair and leads to a raucous if illogical punch-up. That relates to the biggest drawback of the film, Britt Reid shows some good streaks but at his core is a petty spoiled egomaniacial semi-jerk. At times it takes every ounce of Rogen's considerable infectious energy to keep us on his side.

The finale is even more ludicrous than in Pineapple Express but redeemed by a final gag regarding a particular car emergency modification. I never saw the original Green Hornet series but watchful eyes will spot the homage to Bruce Lee between the pages. I got exactly what I wanted and more from this slick modern vision.

Not often bwa-ha-ha funny but a collection of skilled British comedians poking fun at conventions of manners. And at dead bodies. The great opening bit of how members of a money-awarded-to-last-survivor pact called a tontine met their demise was an admiring homage to Kind Hearts and Coronets. An extra half-star for Peter Sellers' contribution in one of his funniest small roles as the unethical addle-brained cat fancier Dr. Pratt.

When your cat falls asleep on your arm and you are powerless to reach for the remote across the table, sometimes you end up watching stuff like The Penthouse that you ordinarily would not. In this instance, it thankfully wound up as a positive experience. Party boy Tyler wins a spacious L.A. apartment as part of his reality show victory package and invites two friends to live with him, an equally partying pal who is starting work as a male nurse (although he tells everyone he is a doctor) and a low-key writer who prefers solitude while trying to break into fiction and away from his job as Muzak reviewer.

Yes this scenario has been done a hundred times and you can probably fashion your own rough draft in the time it takes to read this review. And The Penthouse doesn't break any new ground either but at least has the good sense to keep its main characters likable. Rider Strong, better known as Ben Savage's best friend on TV's Boy Meets World, is Kieran the writer and gets reacquainted with Tyler's younger sister Erica when she visits before leaving for a year in Europe and who is distraught that her older brother still can't find time for her. Guess what happens?

While the screenplay is light on plot surprises, it comes up with some thoughtful, honest discourse in the blossoming attraction between Kieran & Erica, played by newcomer April Scott who brings significant good-girl spark to the big screen. Even the party friends show a little growth, with the male nurse falling for his boss and Tyler finding his public image role as bad boy has a downside. Other good funny parts go to Randy the philosophical world-traveler ("You have the power to unfuck that which has been fucked.") and Ed Begley Jr. as condescending hardass father of Kieran's current bitchy girlfriend played by Kaley Cuoco from 8 Simple Rules and Big Bang Theory.

On balance, The Penthouse is markedly better casual entertainment with some engaging characters than its low-rent neighbors.

Not nearly as bad as I imagined, in fact The Roommate is a cut above most PG-13 teen thrillers. But why oh WHY do they have to sell the suspense short by giving such a leading title? We already know who to look out for, we know who is going off the deep end before they even show up. It's like instead of Halloween they decided to name it Escaped Mental Patient or Hulking Guy In A Scary Mask. Might as well ditch the opening hour of character establishment then if all they think the audience wants are empty thrills.

And that is the completely wrong expectation an audience should have here, since 90% of this movie IS character establishment. The cast does a good job, Leighton Meester effectively conveys that she could pose a 5'4" threat while Minka Kelly is the trusting, slightly naive object of obsession fresh in from Des Moines. Kelly is uncommonly attractive, reminds me of a mix of Jessica Alba and Winona Ryder and shares their wondrous brown eyes. Cam Gigandet offers some clever quips as Kelly's new boyfriend, causing a roommate rift. I like how the characters (save the psycho of course) don't do anything too dumb and they don't overplay the violence - it's almost played out realistically enough that you think this situation could happen. And I really liked the twist on the standard "shock" moment we've seen since Carrie's arm rose from the grave.

What hurts The Roommate is that it is a complete, and I mean COMPLETE steal of Single White Female with Bridget Fonda & Jennifer Jason Leigh. And I was able to come to that conclusion watching the 30-second TV trailer! When you see the actual movie, all the pieces fall too neatly into place: the pet, the boyfriend in-between, Kelly/Fonda in the fashion world, the sexual advances from teacher/client, the secret nightclubbing, Meester/Leigh using the hair dye, the old boyfriend fix, the knife, the necklace, and on and on. Hey, they already made a sequel that was a carbon-copy of the original in 2005 called Single White Female 2 - The Psycho! However, that was terrible, and even if you've seen SWF five times (whatchoo lookin' at?!?) you can still get into the prickly proceedings of The Roommate.

"That's when I tell her about the fire at the school. Or maybe it will be a bus crash. I haven't figured that part out yet, but the good news is when we get back soon you'll both be dead."

Decent comedy based around a stupid premise - a plastic surgeon wears a wedding ring to meet women, and when to his surprise he meets one he sees in his future, he recruits his assistant & her children to pose as his family. If confronted with the same situation, here are two answers it took me two seconds to think of that you can use, avoiding the 52-card pack of lies required for this movie to exist:

"It's not a wedding ring."

"My wife is deceased, I just find it difficult to take off yet."

Sandler has a lot of chuckle-worthy quips and under-the-breath mutterings in a low-key delivery, showing as he did in Punch-Drunk Love that he really does have sharp comic timing. However he also lapses a few times into the bratty 8-year old that is completely annoying. But that dishonor goes to Nick Swardson who for no reason pretends to be a German internet-based sheep seller, his dinnertable conversation about how he & pretend wife Jennifer Aniston met is painfully unfunny.

One of the most faithful adaptations but the magic is missing from this British production - after watching several of these cinematic journeys to Wonderland, I now wonder if it is even possible to do justice to this classic. Interesting sets and plenty of people in animal costumes, but the staging is sterile and Fiona Fullerton doesn't seem quite right as Alice.

"Let's not mistake popularity for infamy."

Nathaniel Hawthorne's 'The Scarlet Letter' and John Hughes' 1980s films get a sharp & funny 21st-century mashup within the halls of a California high school as Olive Pendergast watches her little white lie of a one-night stand explode into a reputation that only Madonna could comprehend. Emma Stone is perfect as the quick-witted Olive who perpetuates the myth more to help the outcasts at her school than to boost her own ego but finds that carries an unexpectedly heavy price. You simply don't see this level of sophistication in a teenage comedy about sex (which shouldn't be confused with any moronic teenage sex comedy.) The jokes are as consistently clever as the method of telling the story with Olive recounting her ordeal via webcast.

Despite the setting, Easy A's core demographic should come from people 19-29 and while rated PG-13 there is a significant amount of sex talk, including Amanda Bynes providing the funniest exclamation of an STD you will ever see. The supporting adult cast is great too, from Lisa Kudrow as a morally conflicted guidance counselor to Stanley Tucci & Patricia Clarkson as Olive's uniquely offbeat yet caring parents.

I've watched this 3 times and there is never a dull moment, not a second is wasted - it is funny throughout, touching at the right moments, incisive at times, and an ending that hits a home run. On first viewing I almost thought it was too smart for its own good, but imprison me on MST3K's Satellite of Love before I penalize a movie for that. For my money Easy A is the best insightfully comedic examination of high school since Fast Times At Ridgemont High, and only Phoebe Cates' red bikini is keeping that one on the ballot.

Over-the-top awful creature feature from accomplished 1970's revivalist Alexandre Aja, but instead of the gritty horror realized in High Tension he opts for the cheesy effects of...well, Joe Dante's original Piranha from 1978. The CGI fish, to be blunt, are terrible. In fact Phil Tippett's animation team's efforts reminded me the same crappy spaceship effects they brought to screen in Starship Troopers. Intentionally on both counts? I have to guess yes, but their aim of trying for a nostalgic feel backfires and instead looks like shoddy work. The gore effects however are disgusting and should please the weirdos who are only interested in those. There's also a lengthy underwater scene that easily takes the prize for amplest gratuitous nudity of the year.

The cast wants to know where these flesh-hungry fish came from, but the question I want answered is how does an Oscar winner like Elisabeth Shue wind up in a movie like this?

And us, The Waiting Audience. A lot of nothing happens storywise from the time an Australian couple arrives in India to claim the child they adopted. As delays occur, the couple begins to doubt their commitment to a family and to each other.

The one good reason to watch this is to get a very good sense of modern life in India, filmed entirely on location in & around Calcutta. Dizzying street activity and peculiar (to Western eyes) ceremonies are fascinating to watch, including a wedding and a funeral in which the dead body is sent downriver on a raft - the same river people bathe and wash clothes in. Ick. With one of the most populous countries in the world, I'm afraid there is too much proximity for this traveler.

I guess another reason to watch is why I did, because it stars Radha Mitchell. She won Best Actress at the Antipodes Film Festival in St. Tropez for this role; she's good as a work-obsessed lawyer, but really nothing out of the ordinary from her usual strong work. Her name Radha-Rani derives from Indian culture as her model mother was enamored with the country during the 1960s, so I imagine Radha had great interest in experiencing the country for herself. That's a great opportunity for her but not a reason for you to watch.

Two straight male friends from college engage in the ultimate game of chicken: during a drug & alcohol-fueled party, each challenges the other that they have sex together for a local porn film festival, and as the day of filming approaches neither seems willing nor able to extricate himself from the project! Some funny moments throughout this study of male friendship (although interesting to note written by a woman) but loses steam and quickly runs out of fresh ideas beyond the premise. Furthermore, the motives of only one of the guys really makes sense. The conclusion does offer an ambiguously touching final scene.

If you ever wondered what happened to Josh, the blond bearded guy from The Blair Witch Project, he wound up here in Seattle in a movie with seemingly an even smaller budget!

'The Descent' Takes A Fall

What starts off as a promising, filmed-in-England suspense tale about what befalls a sextet of female spelunking friends degenerates into a routine "they're all around us!" horror movie, complete with a ridiculous final *gasp* shot. A shame and a disappointment given its reputation. I would have preferred to see a more fully character-driven, who-can-you-trust? scenario that is hinted at during the first half, however once the other elements are introduced midway the proceedings become routine with a capital ROUTE. As in, I could instantly see where it was headed - right down that craggy shaft.

I will say there is a lot of rewatchability in this flick because of the characters and direction, just like in Dog Soldiers Neil Marshall knows how hold an audience's breathless attention. Some of the gore is the most gruesome I've ever seen (not necessarily a good thing), the capper is the setting of a broken leg bone - I have to look away during that scene! Incredible to realize the cave interiors were actually filmed on a sound stage.

I avoided The Social Network, both the movie and the website, for as long as I could. My stance over the film finally surrendered after watching Zodiac for the fourth time which suggested that perhaps Fincher could once again present material in which I have no interest into an absorbing experience. And once again Fincher turns out to be that guy, while equally enormous credit goes to writer Allan Sorkin for his intelligently detailed script.

What is most fascinating about The Social Network is realizing how fast the internet world is changing and how the opportunity is always there for the Next Big Thing to tap into a common worldwide obsession. Mark Zuckerberg began developing Facebook in 2003 and took a couple years before widespread access, and in 6 years has attracted 500 million users - five hundred million! Albert Pujols would run out of singles halfway through if he tried to send each one a dollar. In an excellent slice of casting, Jesse Eisenberg gives a twist of his affable smart-kid persona and plays a not-so affable smart-kid in a way that distances him from himself. At no time was I thinking about his previous characters, he inhabited those flip-flops as if they were his own. Justin Timberlake was quite good as Napster founder Sean Parker and created a characterization that I could dislike for his slimy tactics regarding Facebook co-creator Eduardo Saverin rather than just disliking him for being Justin Timberlake.

While not the riveting story of Zodiac, I was still impressed by how absorbed I became watching the evolution of The Social Network. My favorite scene is the final poetic depiction of Zuckerberg all alone with a computer repeatedly pressing the refresh button to see whether his friend invitation has been accepted. Is this the future of social interaction? Only time will tell.

Before she became a sensation that has endured to this day from wearing a red bikini in Fast Times At Ridgemont High, Phoebe Cates starred a year earlier in the much racier and much lesser known Blue Lagoon ripoff Paradise. The movie itself is terrible, but not without some unintentional laughs. Willie Aames is the blond surfer dude (although set in the 1820s) with a severe acting impediment, expressing every emotion as if he's reacting to electrical shocks from a car battery. His parents are killed by an evil sheik so he & Phoebe and her crusty English guardian flee into the desert to escape. Crusty English guardian soon dies, so once they stumble onto an oasis it's up to the young pair to create their own 'paradise.'

Honestly the only reason to watch this so-called adventure is because of Phoebe, and you'll have to sit through bad drama, repetitive scenes, and masturbating monkeys to get there. But she delivers the goods, all of them, and with surprising frequency. Her first nude scene is the best, and truly one of the most breathtaking in movie history as she takes a long shower underneath a waterfall in a vast cave - the lighting and the setting create a composition of pure, natural beauty. If you loved her in Fast Times, you will worship her in this. She even sings the theme song!

Slowly paced character-driven alien encounter movie in a similar style to Shyamalan's Signs except without that film's intriguing characters and hindered by an uninspired romance. Whitney Able is functional whereas Scott McNairy is subpar, and neither character exhibits much brainpower. They know enormous aliens inhabit the Infected Zone they are crossing, yet anytime they hear an ungodly strange noise they ask, "What was that?" Take a freakin' guess, Audubon.

Monsters had potential and builds a significant atmosphere of foreboding, but someone stuck a pin in the balloon too soon with too many overlong scenes and ending with an anticlimax. Still, I enjoyed it more than I didn't, but that's hardly a quote they'll print on the DVD cover.

Well, what can you say about a late-night skinflick that incorporates a backstory of fatherly incest into its murderous grab bag? Extraordinarily creepy, that's what. Apparently they thought crossing Showgirls with Law & Order: Special Victims Unit would be a good idea. The height of discomfort occurs during a hypnosis sequence as megahot Lisa Boyle performs a strip routine dressed in little-girl clothes complete with pigtails and teddy bear which is intercut with memories of her father making advances on her as a 6-year-old. The abuse is mercifully only implied but still completely kills any chance to enjoy the dance routine - what the hell were they thinking??

The second standout feature is that Midnight Tease managed to assemble the absolute worst acting ensemble outside of a porno, and I'm sure there are some pornos with a leg up. I've seen plenty of D-grade detritus and I'm not kidding - EVERYBODY stinks, from the big roles to the small roles and everyone in-between. Special Razzies go to Rachel Reed as Amy the new girl and J.J. the scummy club owner (is there ever any other kind?) On the bright side there's a good number of unintentional laughs to be had, like the psychiatrist who gets stabbed 5 times in the chest and wheezes, "I'll be fine!" Same goes for the dreadful music score with lyrics that must be heard to be properly ridiculed.

So why does this clunker rate a nothing-to-write-home-about 1.5 stars instead of total bomb? Did I mention the megahot Lisa Boyle (here credited as Cassandra Leigh)? And here we come to the third noteworthy feature, a light S&M performance with her and personal favorite Ashlie Rhey that ranks as one of the most wolf-whistling sensuous routines in the entire history of movie stripping. When you consider the number of cop movies alone that have been made where a visit to the titty bar is always a requirement, that's a lot!

Final fun anecdote, here's a Crazy Credit WTF: a Nancy Klein is listed as 'Teacher.' Not in the cast list mind you, right between Key Make-Up Artists and Production Controller. Were some of the dancers working on their GED's at the time?? Always hear about strippers paying their way through college.

The challenge: watch my first French movie without the benefit of English subtitles in 10 years. Can it be done?? Ya do what ya gotta do when you want to watch something badly enough, and I did have the assist of French subs which proved invaluable. The reason for this preface is so you know where I'm coming from - I did not follow every word spoken but still managed to understand 70-80% (proud of myself there) of the dialogue and follow 97% of the story.

On The Left After Exiting The Elevator refers to the apartment inhabited by sheltered artist Yann, played by French comedy legend Pierre Richard who when I was a kid was known by me as "the guy with the hair" for his Harpo-like locks. He has a hidden passion for married socialite Fanny Cottencon and invites her to see his studio but picked the absolute wrong time as volatile neighbor Richard Bohringer has a violent argument with his wife Emmanuelle Beart. A zany two-set apartment farce ensues involving Three's Company-style misunderstandings, a vintage war pistol and a pistol replica cigarette lighter, unexpected visitors, people dangling precariously from balconies, police interventions, and slamming doors which happen so often they even get a credit!

The first hour of this madness is very funny stuff, Richard has terrific comic timing both physically and verbally - a scene where he is tryng to explain a gunshot to the police but continuously confuses the details is a hoot. Beart is breathtakingly beautiful and has a knack for comedy herself, too bad she didn't pursue more opportunities. The last 20-30 minutes turn slightly more serious and is more intent on resolving the complications which isn't completely satisfactory. By that point my head was spinning a little from trying to keep up with the language so I may have missed a point or two.

Unsatisfying character study of two women who share an unhealthy relationship throughout the years. Pascale Bussieres is Louise, a periodontist, who is the more possessive and Emmanuelle Beart is Nathalie, a stage actress, who prefers a more open lifestyle. The depth of their intimacy is not clear until about midway through, and similarly much of the rest of their relationship lacks clarity for the viewer to get intricately involved. It doesn't help that Louise is manipulative and selfish, yet she's preferable to Nathalie's playwright boyfriend Matthias (Dani Levy) who redefines the epithet 'asshole.' I felt sorry for Nathalie caught between these negative influences, but then she too abruptly changes her behavior which left me wondering whether several scenes got accidentally left on the cutting-room floor?

The English title I have seen attached to this film is Replay, but actually 'La Repetition' means Rehearsal as Nathalie attends a series of rehearsals for a play by a big-name producer, much to the anger of Matthias. Is this a metaphor for her life, that she is doomed to repeat the same role with these malcontents until she summons the strength to find and accept her true nature? I believe that's giving writer/director Catherine Corsini too much credit by trying to do her work for her.

Involving, refreshingly original rural horror movie boasts an unusually quality script for the genre. The opening 20 minutes are an excellent combination of character & suspense building. Some good scares, memorable scenes, and rootable leads in this little surpriser makes it one of the best horror films of the 2000's.

Starts with a bang, ends with a fizzle. A team of scientists on the spaceship Icarus 2 represents Earth's last hope as their mission is to deliver a nuclear payload into the sun to revive the dying star. On their way they encounter more life-threatening complications than the crew of Apollo 13.

Sunshine suffers from the same problem that beset The Descent (or for that matter, director Boyle's own 28 Days Later) as it starts as an original engrossing story of survival and needlessly turns into a routine chase-and-scream horror movie. Add to that some incredibly annoying camerawork from unnecessary angles and the conclusion turns into a real endurance test. This is a real shame since the adventure leading up to the point of critical mass looks great with some dazzling CGI effects, and I'm usually at the front of the line to decry its overreliance. Capable cast including Dr. Baltar lookalike Cillian Murphy, Johnny Torch from Fantastic Four, and great to see Michelle Yeoh outside the martial arts realm.

The way I see it, the first 2/3rds of this movie gets 4 stars and the final 1/3 (about 30-40 minutes) gets 2 stars, crank that through the abacus and you get 3.5. I wish the parts were reversed and I wouldn't be left with a bad taste of space dust in the mouth.

"Once you've seen one blue singing matador, you've seen them all."

Well-written con job with surprising conclusion as Peter Sellers attempts to ingratiate himself to man-eating gold-digger Britt Ekland in order to secure an engagement as a singer at the most popular music hall in Barcelona. What nationality didn't that man take on?? His physical skills are kept to a minimum but that allows his deftly wry timing and mannerisms to shine more, and Ekland is great as a petulant, coquettish tease. (One look into those Swedish eyeballs and no wonder he married her in real life.)

Unflattering yet starkly realistic depiction of life in a slowly dying small Texas town during the early 1950's. Focus revolves around several teenagers as they graduate from high school, and what a cast of future stars they found! Jeff Bridges, Cybill Shepherd, Timothy Bottoms, Randy Quaid complemented by veterans Cloris Leachman, Ellen Burstyn, Eileen Brennan, Clu Gulager, and on and on. What I wasn't expecting was the amount of sex content - as one of the characters intimates, what else is there to do? Maybe not an American classic but certainly an Americana classic with excellent & essential B&W photography capturing their isolated and empty world. Shots like Bottoms gazing at the lone traffic light speak volumes. A shade overlong but I was never bored - one of those films I'm glad to have seen but once is enough.

"You shouldn't be so bloody spare all the time! You're making her miserable, you know, and you're ruining the team! IF we're to be stuck with YOU, then you'd better learn that the happiness of the team FAR outweighs that of your own!"

"I don't want to be part of your team. I'm not even meant to be here."

"But you're here now, so you'd better make the best of it, and stop being so bloody selfish!"

"I'm not selfish. I just want to go home."

"Don't you think we ALL want to go home?!?"

The apple cart of order is upset by the arrival of a Spanish girl of royal blood at a remote boarding school on Stanley Island off the coast of England in 1934. An intriguingly complicated and continuously shifting triangle of acrimony and affection arises between scandalously free-thinking instructor Miss G (Eva Green), her jealously loyal protege Di (Juno Temple), and the exotic world-wise Fiamma (Maria Valverde.) All three are terrific, particularly Temple whose pride is easily hurt and then repaired, and whose beliefs are challenged in the wake of Fiamma deducing the truth that hides behind the glamorous stories Miss G spins of her adventures. And who else but Eva Green could pull off the twisted seduction scene? The rest of the young cast are also top-notch - why coudn't the original Harry Potter casting director find kids this adept? The malfeasantly monikered Imogen Poots reminded me of a giggly Kate Winslet from Heavenly Creatures or Sense & Sensibility.

A lush score led by violin and piano (reminds me weirdly enough of the sad inflections present in the soundtrack for the videogame Max Payne 2!) and beautiful cinematography perfectly evoke the time and place. And diving - there's lots of diving, but I was more captivated than if watching an Olympic medalist. A worthwhile peek at a darker side of a way of life from a bygone era.