1986

Johnny 5 is alive & he's gonna fucking kill you. Malls of the 80s it sorta reminded me of a robot version of Dawn of the Dead. Some of the kills are okay (I loved the exploding head) but the best thing about Chopping Mall (besides its title) are the cameos of Roger Corman regulars like Paul Bartel, Mary Woronov & especially Dick Miller.

When you watch a Troma movie you know you are in for some low grade schlock & your enjoyment will depend on tolerance for such crap. Class of Nuke Em High is actually one of their better outings because it's still influenced by their mega cult hit The Toxic Avenger. You even get a majority of the cast especially w/ the gang the Cretins. Warren and Chrissy smoke some pot that was grown @ the near by nuclear power plant & are suffering some serious side effects. Warren turns into a bit of a mutant & goes on a killing rampage & Chissy has a miscarriage (which she pukes up into the toilet) which grows into a mutant in the basement @ Troma High. Stupid & cheap but surprisingly a lot of fun. Ive seen part 2 which is a bunch of shit as it centers around a giant mutant squirrel; haven't seen part 3 though which I guess is more of the same & may require a pillar of salt.

Critters actually has the makings for a decent cult movie (hell there's 4 of these so there's a audience for it) but somehow misses the boat on that front. As the blood thirsty little bastards invade earth this is basically a home invasion flix (give or take). W/ bounty hunters on their trailer there is some fun to be had. Sorta a Gremlins rip off (surfacing around the same time as Ghoulies) it doesn't have a lot of originality but it's better then some movies Ive seen of this ink like Munchies. Nothing specially but not a bad way to spend a Saturday or Sunday afternoon. Now that Ive seen it I will probably seek out its sequels. Not that Im expecting them to be any good..Im just glutton for punishment

Wes Craven made some real shit movies as Deadly Friend really scraps the bottom of the barrel. Ive seen this movie 3 times over the last 25 years thinking maybe I was too hard on it; that maybe I should just enjoy the cheese but it's the absolute shit when it comes to this genre . It isn't even Craven worse which shows you how much I enjoy his work after A Nightmare on Elm Street. He's nothing more then a director for hire w/ the crud that he churned out by the mid 80s that he should have no respect for himself. I hope that he enjoyed his paycheck for shitting on his fans from the 70s. I can't believe this garbage came from the same guy who gave us Last House on the Left & The Hills Have Eyes. The only reason I even gave it 1 * was for having Anne Ramsey in it & Kristy Swanson is sorta cute even though she can't act her way out of a douche bag

One of my favorite video store back in the day used to have a fantastic horror section that they devoted a little room to that even had a coffin in it that had a guy that used to pop up & scare the shit out of you. I think the last movie that I rented from there was Killer Workout & I thought it was a piece of shit. 20 plus years later I remembered nothing about it so I had a great longing to see it again. I should have left well enough alone. It's Perfect meets Friday the 13th..sorta. Just some terrible 80s music which will drive any self respecting music lover to the brink of insanity. Jane Fonda would even shoot herself. This tries not to be by the numbers by having the weapon of choice being a large diaper pin. Well I guess you gotta try to look for some originality by the late 80s. Beware though there's some of the most disgusting things in this Ive ever seen in this - burnt sugar boobies

When the Cannon logo came up @ the beginning of Link I was hoping for something better then what I had heard about this monkey gone amuck movie. Sadly no. It just felt like it went on forever, bored the shit out of me & the personal highlight it held was seeing Elisabeth Shue briefly naked. @ least that woke me up. I find chimps annoying anyways so I don't know what I was really expecting. It was just sorta one of those movies that I remember being on the shelves of Canadian Tire when they were a hot spot for renting video. Bombed @ the show & video & not really talked about now it's sorta embarassing. Like I said the only good part is Shue's tits & ass

When I originally saw Night of the Creeps when it came out of VHS back when you could rent tapes from MACS MILK I fucking hated it. Hated it so much I waited close to 25 years to watch it again. Its comedy/horror mix wasn't welcome to me & only laughed @ one line - SCREAM LIKE BANSHEE! This time out I had a pretty good time w/ it but most for the casting on Tom Atkins. He's great in this & might be his most fun performance since Halloween 3. I even found its comedy/horror more palatable as it borrows from just about every movie from the genre. It even has a great love for Plan 9 From Outer Space. Not great but a mild treat for horror buffs.

I think Ive seen Freddy's Revenge 6 times now. Don't ask me why; it doesn't deserve it. Of those times that Ive seen it Ive kinda liked it once. This last time wasn't one of those times. As the years go by I like this series less & less when (outside the original) I wasn't too hot on them to begin w/. W/ 9 entries (counting the remake) this one would come in 4th which shows you how highly I don't regard them. Part 2 has a really strange tone to it though as it detours from what made the original a modern horror classic w/ an ugly tone that I would even call homoerotic. It makes me wonder who the target audience for this was. Strictly a cash in upon its initial release because it was in theaters when the first one barely hit home video. Even though there were more F13th films Freddy was more of a money whore then Jason ever was

They're back..Craig T. Nelson's haunted family that is. Some genuine creepiness created by Julian Beck as Reverend Kane & a Tequila worm that will put you off the Cuervo for a long time

If anything Psycho III is an all in out slasher in comparison to the previous 2 entries. It's not shy on the blood or nudity & I like it all the better for it (maybe a little more than part 2; it's certainly is leaner). Psycho 3 also has a fair amount of comedy to it; black as mother Bate's heart but it's there & it's not off put like many horror movies that try to add humour like Jason Lives or (just pick) A Nightmare on Elm Street film...hey, watch the guitar.

I don't even know why I give this 2 1/2 *s because it isn't even half as good as the original TCM but it does have some decent 1 liners from Jim Siedow (the business man always gets it in the ass lol) & it's a fuck of a lot better then the sequels that followed. TCM 2 is a prime example that bigger isn't always better. Where the original is a little no budget grueling experience in horror this one ups the budget, comedy & goes for the blood. I guess you need to to survive in the post-mortem slasher genre. Personally I don't dig it but it does have it's moments. This would actually be more successfully done when revisited by Rob Zombie in House of 1000 Corpses

Bang your head and have a happy Halloween

Tawny Kitaen becomes a portal of evil after playing w/ a Ouija board by herself. It took me a little getting used to seeing Stephen Nichols w/out his eye patch after all these years of Days of Our Lives; lol his character in this is a man who is not afraid to show his emotions even crying @ any given moment..no wonder Tawny left him

When Jason Lives originally came out I was so fucking excited. After a Jasonless part V it was good to see that the big guy was going to come back to wreck havoc on Crystal Lake. Sadly this came out in the postmortem of slasher movies that the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise help create. Now I love the first 9 minutes of this flix especially seeing Arnold Horseshack get his heart ripped out but everything else Im sorta lukewarm about..well maybe not the drunken caretaker. I love drunks in movies. The comedy isn't welcome to me, the score is awful, the kills uneventful (especially after the MPAA got their dirty little hands on them) & the color of the blood is off. As well there's no fucking sugar boobies! What the hell is a F13 film w/out some nudity? The best part is the Alice Cooper music. Used to even have a 45 of Man Behind the Mask

It's hard to get behind this relationship that started w/ an one night stand. The characters are too immature in their early 20s to achieve anything better then just fucking. Although this is probably true of most 20 year olds it makes for painful & uneventful viewing especially @ this length...an extra half of star for Lowe & Moore having sex in the bathtub while the shower beat on them. This movie needed more scenes like that instead of the labored relations.

Co-written by Harold Ramis & w/ the cast involved you would figure this would be funnier then it is. Maybe Ramis used up all his laughs on Ghostbusters & Back to School the he thinned out by the time this & Club Paradise had come along. Don't get me wrong; it's watchable but mostly for the teaming of John Candy & Eugene Levy but it sorta lost my interest in the middle. It's a lot better then when I saw it on its initially release back on VHS. I had thought Going Berserk was better but as I said before the casting of familiar faces from the 80s like Robert Loggia, Kenneth McMilan, Jonathan Banks & Tiny Lister makes you stick around David Hess is even supposed to be in this but I never spotted him. It's too bad because it's one of the main reasons I watched this again

What a great B-list going on w/ Carradine, Van Cleef, Mako, Berryman & the all too brief Dick Miller.. Van Cleef deserves an Oscar for his salty drunken oldman performance.

A truly great film that if it has followed through w/ its soundtrax like it did in the first 20 minutes or so could have looked like a Martin Scorsese film. That's even w/ the Madonna theme song which I think is one of her best. A lot of career highlight performances. Sean Penn proves there's more to him as an actor & gives best his performance since Falcon & the Snowman but it's really Christopher Walken who runs away w/ it giving him my favorite role of his...and that's saying a lot considering he's one of my favorite actors. Still powerful after 25 years for a little no budget character film. I almost weep when Chris Penn is killed. High grades all around

Sloppy-ice cold rural revenge flix w/ the only thing going for it is that Olivia d'Abo is kinda hahhot. Wasted Canadian tax credit exploitation

Don't you hate it when movies you really liked from your youth don't pay so well when you're older..well Cobra is one of those movies. Don't get me wrong I think Stallone was trying to create another franchise after the success of First Blood 2 hooking up w/ George P Cosmatos once again but sadly Cosmatos doesn't know now to direct action (well sorta in the last half of an hour of this but he sure can't direct a car chase). Also w/ Stallone being the smartest cop of the force doesn't seem so unlikely because the rest of the force are written as imbeciles. The way I look @ it if Chuck Norris can have a cop horror flix in Silent Rage then Stallone has his in Cobra. It's hard to say which one I liked better. I sorta wished Cobra had franchised but Stallone ruined that car & it was obvious that the police department wasn't going to pay for a new one the thankless bastards

Delta Force is a little uneven to sustain its 2 hour plus running time but Cannon films makes it all good w/ a solid cast & whenever things drag a little bit they blow something up real good. Chuck Norris takes on terrorists who high-jack a plane & takes its passengers hostage. Norris fans should be thrilled w/ the climax where he kicks the living shit out of Robert Foster (who took me a 2nd look to recognize) & blows him up w/ his rocket bike..Rocket bike is kick ass. I can't wait to see the sequels

Clusterfuck of a film where Eastwood couldn't get much saltier. Look for Mario Van Peebles' I am Sweetback shirt

Watching this wretched piece of shit may cause Space Herpies..more fun then being castrated I guess but that is hardly a recommendation to endure because it's not so bad that it's good. It's just a mess that doesn't know who its target audience is

Remember Jack Murphy's Law - Don't fuck w/ Jack Murphy. Bronson is a miserable drunken son of a bitch in this one.

Before the days of the internet if you were a movie fan you used to have to buy movie review books to read what 'reputable' critics had to say about movies that you watched. One that stuck in my brain was the review to Out of Bound that was a one line review saying this should be called ' Out of Control'.. I think it was Leonard Maltin. Im glad that a man who probably makes @ least 10 times what I make would come up w/ something so simple & cash a pay check can sleep w/ himself...well here's the low down on Out of Bound. Anthony Micheal Hall who's all grow up out of detention is a stupid mother fucker who goes to LA & get his bag mixed up w/ some drug dealers makes one stupid decision after another that he has the police after his ass as well as Jeff Kober. A horrible script that isn't as bad as as Jud Nelson w/ Blue City or Emilio Estevez w/ Wisdom but should be ashamed to infect his brat pack fame on the film going audience... I can't believe that all these mother-fuckers make more money then I do & that's including you Maltin you bearded cock sucker

I haven't seen this movie in over 20 years & I forgot how excellent it is. By far the best Vietnam movie out there. I really have to be in the right mood for a war movie. Gonzo ones I don't care because they're mindless (I had recently watched Jungle Rats which is missing here @ Flixster & had a great time)..Platoon isn't one of those movies. The cast is outstanding escpecially Tom Berenger & Willem Dafoe & it's Oliver Stone's best movie. It cleaned up @ award time w/ 8. It deserved it. I remeber when this came out how pissed I was that I couldn't see it because it was rated R. Important movies like this & Schindlers List shouldn't be subject to the MPAA but what do I know..I fucking hate the MPAA!

Orphans that are in a concentration camp like to roller stake across the desert & play a form of lacrosse while trying to save an eco-orb from destruction. I don't know why I stuck w/ this one; it's shit so for those who have fond memories of this as a child needs to give it another look & see if they still feel the same way