"Guy Movies!"

I think this will always be known as the ultimate guy movie... what more could you ask for in an action movie? Guy running around seiged building killing people and blowing stuff up. Personally I think this also put Bruce Willis on the map. Yeah. :D

Not your typical guy based action movie, simply because all the cheese, all the make-shift action and cartoon violence has been removed. One of the blodiest movies i've ever seen! He evaporates people! Blood litterally sloashes everywhere! And there are really really bad taste moments of brutality.
Tossing a toddler from the leg into a burning building anyone?
You will feel like you want to walk out within the first 10mins of this movie, but if you stick with it chances are watching people getting ripped apart by machine gun rounds won't really bother you anymore.
Forget your average "firing from thehip" type action movies... this one is deadly serious! Think Saving Private Ryan's opening sequence... meets... Rambo.
Makes you question how sick you are for actually liking this movie.
Had to restrain myself from shouting "Go Rambo!" and "Fuck Yeeaaah!" in a crowded cinema!
Whoa... he's 60? Watch this movie and you won't even notice. The man runs through the jungle, jumps out of the way of debris and is just generally kicks ass. Oh and after all that... its actually pretty much character driven too!
Well done Mr Stallone! Well Done Indeed!

Gone are the days when Seagal made high quality action flicks so savour this one! Ok it might not be as violent as his others but don't let that put you off, its better. For a start Seagal doesn't have long hair or a big belly (Which I know doesn't feel right) and his characterisation is dead on!
Basically... Seagal is a humble cook employed by the captain of the USS Missouri, and though he gets on with the captain he doesn't get on with the most senior officer, Busey. Yet when Busey orders a surprise party for the captain Seagal becomes suspicious. As I guess you would do when your ship is carrying atomic weapons.
Low and behold the party was all just a way of getting Tommy Lee Jones aboard the ship to steal the weapons and sell them to international bidders. And of course Seagal is an ex-navy SEAL so momentarily goes to save the day.
The performances are solid and are exactly what you would expect in an action movie. For example you knew Busey was going to be the bad guy as soon as he walked on camera. Lee Jones is a clever contemplating nemesis who throughout holds a respect for his adversary which is uncommon in your typical action flick. Jones really adds that extra dimension to his character and really holds his own persona on screen, obviously he works very well with the director.
As for the direction, the pace never stops and there are really professional shots of the ship passing which must have taken ages of concentration. The cut/scenes of action are well done and though we don't see a lot of violence we know exactly what happened to the guy who was pushed into mechanical saw!
This can really be seen as Seagal's first main-stream flick and put him in the league of other such action stars. What makes it so unique is the way he acts down to earth as the movie progresses. There is no hesitation of fight scenes, no lapse of characterisation or lack of pace which is in a majority of his other movies.
For example we see Seagal running, and kicking and lifting etc which isn't really associated with his basis of Aikido. He also has an amazing knife fight with Lee Jones! And just his use of hand-to-hand combat throughout is mesmerising.
A sophisticated action movie in every way and acts almost as an epiphany in the whole "guy-based-action-flick" franchise as a borderline case of being potentially serious movie. It really isn't, but it could be.
This is Seagal at his peak!

Sorry but I loved this movie. Pointless action at breakneck speed. Schwarzenegger has to protect witness Williams from his crooked police friends. And even though Arnie is getting on his years he can still hang outside an aeroplane (prat around in front of a CGI screen) pull sharp objects out of himself and fire two guns at once! I love it for it's tacky one liners... I love it for the fact that Arnie's hair doesn't move when he jumps around. I love it for the worst CGI animated alligators in movie history. A very guy type of movie. Sorry but if you want a no brainier action movie then this is one of the best.

YES! Fuck yes! Kung Fu + Elephants + Tony Jaa = AWESOMENESS.
This movie didn't let up for a second! It's like Rambo IV but with martial arts.
The world sooo needed a movie about Tony Jaa's missing elephants! Which reminds me... there should be more movies in general with elephants in.

Loved it... didn't quite feel like the old McClane though! Nice to know that they didn't screw up the originals. Even if it did involve surfing on a harrier jet!

Forget Under Siege... if you really want to see Steven Seagal in violent action watch this. Basically a bad guy promises his goons that he will give them a cellar full of money if they stay with him... then when the bad guy kills a cop.. (a cop who was sleeping with the bad guys girlfriend) Mr Seagal goes after him. Not much character depth but good to see Seagal play a meaner character. The fight scenes he has in this are the best i've seen them yet! Bad Italian accent though... Pointless violence done in a some sort of stylish way. Expect meat cleavers in legs and arms... and a shotgun blowing a guy's leg off... Great, gritty no brainer "guy" movie.

Ok so, what makes this movie awesome? Probably the fact that its a game adaptation that actually doesn't BS it's audience by incorporating some tired plot to try and justify carnage on screen for the next two hours. And instead concentrates on getting its action/fight scenes and characterisation right instead! Thats a thumb's up in my book! :D
Kick out your Hitman, Max Payne, Doom and Resident Evil bollocks and blam this into your Dvd players!
This movie rocked!
Thomas Jane : he da man.

As a movie, it pretty much sucks. As a tribute to tacky 80's action flick wantabe's its a prime example!
Two brothers... one obviously American, the other... Belgian! Mr America just happens to be the American kickboxing champion. The other is Van- Damme. (Doesn't really make any sense but go with it.)
So both brothers go to Thailand where Van-Damme makes cheesey poses as his brother picks up a prostitute and a vivid 80's pop track blares out from the soundtrack on in the background.
Van Damme sees who his brother is going to fight, cue expressions of a constipation/shock as his brother is crippled for life before his very eyes! Now hell bent on revenge after walking around the lovely visuals of Thailand looking sad... Kurt Sloane (Damme) wants to become a kickboxer to avenge his brother.
Just about as many training scenes as a Rocky movie, complete with kicking over a palm tree. Van Damme finally gets in the ring with the dreaded Tong Po... who after about four rounds of wearing the baddies's fists out with his face Damme finally wins.
Everyone knows Damme isn't famed for his acting ability but you fail to see how good he has become compared to his debut here! The cringe-worthy dialogue and the shoddy camerawork/action/direction/story might as well have been homemade.
Crammed pack full of cheese and as far as guy movies go this your pulling out no stops stereotypical no brainer. Switch it on and switch off.
Where else can you see Damme disco dance? A dog with more acting ability then the cast put together? Damme kicking over a palm tree with his busted leg? Two different brothers acting like a gay couple and an old Muai Thai master who sets death traps around his property?
You can't take it seriously and if you don't you'll realise how fun it can be. So bad... its' good? An ultimate B-Movie!

Erm, Firstly....John Travolta... in this movie... is DA BOMB.
Totally wasn't expecting such a charismatic meat-headed performance to be so highly entertaining. Fused with the collaboration of a straight-laced Rhys Meyers makes this one of the best Cop/Buddy-Movies in a looooong time!

Plot... who cares... something about taking a drug ring down in Paris. Pffft, you don't watch movies like this for the PLOT... you watch them for the BODY COUNT!

Give me a sequel already!

"Ka-Fucking-Boom".

What? Van Damme in a good action movie... surely not. For those who hate him...you get to see him die in the opening scene, Hurray! But oh no, wait, Van Damme has an exact twin, hmm that story's never been used (Double impact) and alive Van Damme being the crappy detective who he is decides he must go and find out what his brothers been up to. Turns out that his brother was mixed up in the Russian mob, even though they're in New York/France for two halves of the movie, and some dirty FBI agents also want the evidence Jean-Claude Van Corpse holds against them. Though it sounds very cliché for a typical type of guy movie it was actually very well strung out. The action starts as soon as the movie starts, and whereas in some of his movies Van Damme gets kicked around a bit before doing anything here he pretty much holds his own. The movie does actually have a lot of action and this adds to the overall momentum. Would have been nicer to see more of his "famous" Kickboxing skills but oh well, the only time they're on full show is when hes fighting another guy...in a sauna wearing only a towel... and that just screams GAY to me. Natasha Henstridge kinda floats around but apart from the poor gratuitous sex scene there wasn't much call for her. Good explosions, great car chases, violent fight scenes.

Ok this movie is cheesier than a cheese factory in meltdown mode. Each and every actor gives what can only be described as a comic strip performance. Actually it makes you want to cringe at its attempt at tongue in cheek humour.
But it's Snipes v's Stallone! and lots of shit blows up! That's all it is... a cheep way to get Stallone and Snipes to face off against each other. Even more cartoon violence. Get in!
Ok so the fact that the costumes are sooooooooooo bad that they look like pijama suits and Stallone goes to dinner in a bin bag.
Bullock and Bratt act better in Miss Congeniality!
And finally a futuristic vision that is just so unrealistic in every possible sense it actually forces your brain to switch off.
It is everything you could possibly want from a Stallone popcorn flick... except the popcorn. It's not quite the cringe-a-minuite masterpiece of Kickboxer but it's close.

And what is even better than all of the bad acting and bombastic action sequences is my drinking game!
Ok this is what you've been waiting for....I call it...
DRINK ALONG WITH DEMOLITION MAN.!!! (Ok so the title needs work)
Basically every time they mention the name JOHN SPARTAN or SIMON PHOENIX you have to drink a shot!

If someone says "Be well" you have to drink two shots!

And when the horrendous horendous line of "You're on Tv" comes up, when Stallone hits Snipes with a tv during a fight scene, you and your buddies have to do three shots and whoever finishes last has to do doubles for the rest of the night!
You can play with friends or own your own! Either way by the end of the movie you won't even care at how bad it was.
Ah Warner Brothers you have embraced us with another 90'S classic crappy action movie. We love you.

Yay, a fairly good action (guy) movie. Jason Statham is great in first action leading role. The plot is simplistic: Transporter... transports things... falls for the woman he's transporting... when the bad guys try to kill him he goes to rescue her and take them out. The only problem is the character of Qi Shu... is just a bit meh... and goes from serious to being daft. Still... Great fight scenes. Explosions. A cool opening car chase. Statham plays a really good character, and there are strong hints of the characters past. Little too long chase scene on a motorway towards the end... but all in all... very good.

Thought it was going to be better than it actually was. Jason Statham was just a bit too angry and his character totally lacked because of it. Amy Smart stole the show as the blonde bimbo figure and she made it look so easy! Very funny in places with it's mix between reality and drug infested fantasy. Occasionally very violent, and some great scenes of him pumping himself up! The action doesn't stop and the movie is really fast paced. However I hated the ending... for those who have seen it... is he alive or dead? I can't really make it out. Not your usual type of guy movie. Lacked in some areas but made up in others.

Mr Seagal and his Beast Of a Belly this time take the matter personally after his daughter is kidnapped along with a senator's daughter... by gangsters! Ah but they have lousy timing as Seagal is now ex-CIA and therefore can do and will do anything to get his daughter back. Thought his movie is a sitting cliché, it is really good... for a no brainer action movie. Even though it is obvious when Seagal's (thinner) stunt double is brought in to do the kicks and jumps you just go along with it. Simply because the movie is a combination of non stop guns and fighting. The close up fight scenes where Seagal does his natural thing are far more superior than Siu-Tang Ching's directorial input of the wire type/slow mo "push cart shooting"/slicing arrow in half with a sword stuff but all in all the movie works pretty well. The movie only has two faults, the first is the final fight scene where everything is just totally exaggerated to the point that its "crouching tiger" but not in a good way. The second is that Seagal seems to slip in and out of characters throughout, one min hes kinda sappy (something unusual) and the next hes kinda relentless... this is due to the poor script. However it still one of the better no brainer action flicks out there.

This time Mr Seagal takes on the occult. After a undercover drug bust goes wrong (and he happens to kill everyone in the room) Mr Seagal decides to retire. But when the movie's director decides to give Jamaican's a bad name and have a evil group of them terrorise Seagal's family then it get serious and he decides to bring down their leaders. The only problem is he's also up against a craaaazy voodoo master. Still Seagal's early action stuff is the best for watching him kick the crap out of people, and even though he did this the movie still lacked a lot. The best fight scene comes shortly after the giant car chase, levelling off the action towards the end. Also the demise of both bad guy's is kinda "slap dash" and it feels like the whole movie was working to a timeline. Even though Mr Seagal is already beginning to fall into flab the movie is quite stylish and cruises on Seagal's natural charisma (and gratuitously violent) so not a bad type of "guy movie." A good watch.

You know what is especially sad...the fact that this movie was made nearly 20 years ago and it is still better than AVP-R.
This movie is actually pretty good. I mean it is actually surprisingly good. Not only is good for the comical aspect of putting Danny Glover as a lead in a big budget action movie. But it is a symbol of 80's movie culture, a time when cheep thrills were delivered by no plot and action heroes who could hold their own.
This movie could have been in the same league as Total Recall, Escape from New York and Demolition Man for its cheesy yet enticing violent view of the future at the dawn of a new millennium. Which is exactly the direction this franchise needed to be taken in at the time.
This movie advances on where the first left, and hits the ground running. Having Glover drive straight into a downtown gun fight wearing a bright yellow shirt and Grand-dad sized trousers. This of course captures the preadator's attention and good ol' Mr Predator, or "pussy face" to his friends, decides that after the way Mr Glover blows people away point blank with a shotgun that he might actually be a worthy adversary for a fight.
Oh and the Predator in this one doesn't like gangs in general so goes around picking off any ASBO in the meantime. (Damn why can't he come to Clifton)
I can't understand some people... for those who say the plot of this movie isn't quite as good as the first. I hate to burst their bubbles but its basically the same plot! The only difference is that the main protagonist in this is Danny Glover.
For those who don't believe me...
Predator 1 Plot... Missionaries go into the jungle on a secret mission. Oops they start to get picked off one by one by a Predator. Arnie takes it personally. Hunts down predator. The end.
Predator 2 Plot... Los Angeles is apparently an urban war zone in the late 90's. Predator starts picking people off including a certain Mr Glover's detective buddies. Glover takes it personally. Hunts down predator. The end.
I bet these are the same types of people who think this movie is incredibly tacky but consider Robocop and the Terminator as modern day sci-fi classics.
The first half of this movie does kinda suck. For all its action and expensive budget it is let down by appallingly terrible acting!
The first main draw-back for this movie is the fact that if you intend to cash in on something you need to give the audience what they want. If they want Arnie... no way is Glover going to be a suitable replacement. He just doesn't have the same on screen persona! So without that same sort of gimmick people are already going to be disappointed.
The next major flaw: Bill Paxton. Can't act. Seriously. Who the hell told him he could? Did the director of this movie loose a bet or something?
The rest of the cast wasn't good either but they at least could be tolerated.
Oh and where the hell did Robert Davi disappear off to... if only he could have been replaced Paxton this movie would have been a hell of a lot better!
Finally when the movie's final act takes off and its a showdown between Glover and the Predator the movie gets its full momentum. Sadly by this time a lot of people had already lost interest.
A movie that was destined to fail but for what it's worth it's not as bad as everyone says it is.
Oh and for those who are fans of the whole AVP mythology... look out for the Alien skull on the Predator's trophy wall. I thought it was a nice touch.
Deserves to be remembered as a pop-cultured 80's classic. Pretty good stuff... still kinda sucky though.

It was alright, there were some references to the game. Put it this way... it reminds me more of the game than some crummy horror film. There is even a reference to the first person shooter... which was pretty cool. The rock was pretty much doing his thing which worked. Moderate action movie, to be the real Doom though needed more demons... and actual scares.

Remember this line as its funny as hell.... "YOU KILLED MY WIFE." there we have our dialogue.... and our plot. Now imagine good old Mr seagal jumping in front of a CG screen of an explosion. To top it all off the final "bad guy" is finished off by Mr Seagal lobbing a samarai sword vertically out of a tall building and managing to decapitate him horizontally (physics people?) at about a 100 yards away. No plot... very little action... pretty silly title... (don't mind me i'm just off "out for a kill" ooooh) but strangely actually quite good. As in its so bad that it works. Good fun. Go figure?

Really enjoyed this movie as it strongly focused on the typical things needed for a "action/guy" movie. Its plot was simplistic and never tried to be something that it wasn't. It gave its characters a bit more of an edge, as from the begining we see Stallone as the "hit man" who carries a burden of guilt after killing his friend years ago. Great fight and action sequences and the cat and mouse spin between Banderas and Stallone who are after the same hit: Julianne Moore.
Then it all crashes and burns, and everything the movie was working to accomplish is destroyed; The script get gradually worse. Banderas' over-acting becomes farcicial. Then the movie adds a pretty obvious and unnecessary twist -Stallones boss is actually his dead friend. This causes a change in the main characters, something both actors have spent the entire movie establishing, as they team up to just shoot him at point blank range. Banderas' then attempts another attack to be "number one"... ughh. The audience is seriously taken for granted! ... Just when it was all going so well. For the majority of the ending Moore has an expression like a dead fish... and can we blame her? Great stuff until the tacky stabbed on 15 minutes towards the end, but what can you expect from the director of the Lethal Weapon movies... Look how they turned out.

Van damme, despite the way he could probably kick the crap out of everyone, will always insist in struggling like he's going to loose in a fight on camera. Times that by about 2 Hours and you have this movie! Basically he used to be Fireman until "the accident" now he's a fire safety guy at some arena... but wait the night he just happens to take his kids to a game just happens to be the same night that a nasty villian holds the vice president and the whole stadium hostage until he gets a lot (2Billion7HundredMillion) of money! Worst acting goes to the vilain in this movie for his melodramatic attitude and annoyingly camp laugh. Van Damme has a few fight scenes but always, always ends up stabbing something in the persons neck to kill them, drill bit, chicken bone... you name it. The movie has a Die Hard type feel to it but it really doesn't cut it. Not really action packed, occasionally violent, cheesy and predictable. Even for a typical "Guy" type of movie this isn't good but its not bad.

Hillbilly bonanza... but with a sentimental side. Not really the best action movie... get the feeling Seagal took the movie because he's a bit of an Environmental nut... oh look hes the producer as well. Plot summed up in the opening credits... which leaves the movie totally open for action. Unfortunately that doesn't happen. Seagal is a FBI Environmental agent who's friend has been killed by dirty coppers working for toxic waste baron Kristofferson... yep its that simple. Seagal saves the day and restores the reputation of some of the locals. Good fight scenes, bit of a slap dash ending... the best bit is when Segal promises he's going to get Kristofferson by quitting the FBI... but then stating that he was only joking... hmmm could the be a convenient change of plot? The whole Kristofferson thing as a baddie lacks a lot...not as good as Seagal's others... but the movie strives on Seagal's natural charm... yes he does have some.

The evolution of this plot is actually surprisingly adapt considering that this is classified as your average run of the mill action movie. Seagal starts off by using a brief bit of his own life history into his character... who then goes to fight in Vietnam but doesn't quiet stand for the whole nasty war interrogation methods so litterally runs off and becomes a dirty cop. As you do. So when people start targeting his neighbourhood he has to find out who, why and when... and it leads back to the same people he was in the war with... oooh fancy that! Nicely character driven with good support by very early Pam Greir and Sharon Stone. Not really action packed, some good shootout scenes and one memorable street scene of Seagal fighting but thats about it. Seagal's first movie showed great future potential and isn't bad to watch as an action movie or a semi-detective movie. Surprisingly good.

Poor Bruce Willis is on the trail of a serial killer, but after chasing him with his father... his father dies... thus driving poor Brucie over the edge. Then when the same killer starts tormenting Brucie againm now as a river patrolman, Bruce takes the law into his own hands. Typically the serial killer turns out to be a cop that Bruce let down. Some good shooting scenes and Bruce is probaly one of the better action heroes, good supporting cast of secondary actors. A simplistic plot... and Sarah Jessica Parker isn't annoying in this so that's a highlight!... all these things add to the glue that what holds this typical 90's movie together. Easily forgetable though.

The Running Man basically did this in the 80's and it did it a hell of a lot better! Some pretty grounded action sequences but not a lot else. Good potential for a recycled storyline but poorly executed.
Battle Royale instead people.

Wesley Snipes is a ex-soldier whose girl friends brother was killed in his division. Now by a very unfortunate case of mistaken identity... in which some secret government people inject poor old Wesley with a drug that makes him susceptible to anything they suggest... meanwhile real government officials are using him to trace the fake ones. No brainier action flick... with a lack of action. No martial arts again except one fifteen second fight in a coffee shop, as this is the first main bit of action in the whole movie it gets your hopes up for no reason. Few explosions and not enough shooting. Good scene with an old tanker hanging off a bridge with Wesley attached. However most of the movie is just Wesley believing things that aren't real and people talking about it. Not unstoppable... more like... shuffling with intent.

Think Bad Tv Movie... Think Universal Soldier: The Return. As I don't think anyone can remember the original storyline this time they've advanced the series and now Luc Deveraux is back complete with daughter and dead wife. Hardly any more dimensions added to his character, he might as well still be dead from the first one.
Now the UniSol project to put corpse's back out on the battlefield as Universal Soldier's is more extreme than ever, except when the government pulls the funding the computer in charge of it all gets a bit pissey and decides its time to fight back! For every pointless gun fight (seeing that most of the people can't die) theres a heavy metal soundtrack... which is ok but after the third track it becomes majorily tedious. Tacky acting from a bunch of hopeless supporting actors except Michael Jai White and Bill Goldberg who proved they could outshine Damme and could easily be the next action heroes. Van Damme gets his arsed kicked a few times, just the way he likes it, before he shows us what he's really capable of. Some good fight scenes, one good chase, some very obvious mistakes and acceptable effects make Van Damme's return, pretty easy to watch. Admittedly the second half of the movie is better but I fear that like the original I'll have forgotten everything about it by tomorrow. On the upside still kicks the crap out of Terminator 3: Rise Of The Machines


*Killing one of the Universal Soldiers by shocking the guy in the head with a defibrillator whilst the guy is still holding onto Van Damme was personally my favourite part. As if.

Only one man can escape getting his memory wiped but still but manage to end up retrieving an invisible stealth plane for the US government. Seagal. Cue running around Afghanistan firing AK47's at arm's length. Yay....
Consisting:
6 1/2 Fight Scenes.
4 Shootouts.
1 Car Chase.
21 Explosions
1 Gratuitous Lesbian Sex Scene.
and 1 Jet Fight.
... And there we have it. An extremely mediocre action flick.
For one of Seagal's latest movies he sure isn't in it a lot Half the screen time is taken up by 'officials' in army base deciding what to do and when Seagal is actually on screen he has all the charm of a book of carpet samples.
Not only that but the movie is pretty poorly directed, off instance at the end... we have a standoff/cut scene: Seagal in Plane/cut back and one of the people in the standoff has been shot and the other has got away... how?
If you hadn't guessed this made for DVD movie is brimming with plot holes: There is a plane, that has been stolen because the baddie wants to drop nuclear bombs...Why? Why does he want to drop nuclear bombs? Did he see Seagal's last movie or something? Who is the baddie? Just some guy who decided one day he wanted cause world war three? I dunno maybe its just me but i would have like to have known a few of these things, give the movie a bit more substance.
There might as well be no script because there is no decent characterisation, the main villain... apart from being British has no other features. Neither does the hero.
So it appears the almighty Seagal is not only not trying anymore when he acts in his movies... but also when he writes them.
Gone are Seagal's glory days. Its such a shame that the legend keeps shooting himself in the foot. I guess if he keeps making movie like this... I'm just going to have to try and not watch them.
Worth watching for action buffs but overall this is an action movie has trouble getting off the ground. Hahahaha. See what I did there... cos its about a plane.... Yeh Im so great.

My oh my, blink and you'll miss the end. After an hour and a half of cat and mouse type chasing antics... what a frigging cop out!

Good, up until the end. Half way through thie movie it really began to drag. Started out as comic violent thriller type movie but then changed too quickly with the progression of the twists. Personally I prefered it with the slight comic refrences... not the dark depressing overtones that are quickly enforced. Good but Sir Ben Kinglesy (got to call him Sir you know?) gets really annoying very quickly. Bruce Willis and Josh Hartnett have good performances though.

Admitedly it got better... but I still ended up wondering what the hell i'd just been watching. Sharp direction doesn't compensation for substance. Considering all the a list tallent in this want-to-be B movie Alicia Keys stole it right out from under the lot of them.

With a great opening it suddenly turns into a very dull very boring and unusually not violent action movie. Plot as follows: Nasty Japanese guy kills his wife and his daughter runs away, Nasty Japanese guy's daughter is adopted by Van Damme's dull wife... Nasty Japanese Guy kills Mr Van Damme's wife in order to get his daughter back. Thus pissing off Van Damme. Exactly... could be written on the back of a napkin. Van Damme walks around looking miserable, and like he has a small growth on the side of his forehead, due to the unsurprising murder of his wife. The bad guy has a whole screen time of about ten minutes doing nothing... but trying to look menacing. There is no martial arts in this movie, Van Damme must be getting too old. Only thing that makes this movie violent is a torture scene involving a power drill. Ending is quite good but unfortunately the entire movie should have been like that... and by the end we just don't care. If you do watch this watch out for the directors artistic experimental camerawork, it just becomes silly. Didn't expect much... Crap... but more entertaining than Hostel!

Mos Def... man did his voice do my head in this movie? Its like he was on helium before each take! And he manages to create a character so annoying, so one dimensional... a carrot would have had more emotional depth.
Oh and I know Bruce is meant to be looking kinda rough and tired in this movie... but I'm guessing that he's looking that way from reading the script alone... but if you also add that to the fact that this film's pace is prettynon-existent... and then generally being a movie with Mos Def... then i'm guessing iMr Willis' "buggered look" came naturally.
The flick had some good points... but like nearly all Donner's movies: what had so much potential... ends up going nowhere with a cheesy tacked on ending.
Predictable plot. A few shoot-outs... one really good one! Hardly any swearing... and no UMPH factor make this different to your typical "run of the mill" type "guy movie." At the end of the day its highly forgettable and really nothing special.
Ugh!!!

Is Seagal even trying anymore?
What is my fighting idol doing to himself?
To give you an idea of how bad its getting I'm worried if he's even doing his own fighting anymore!
The first main fight scene in this movie (Out of the two and a half
that we get) Seagal has his back to the camera. It's also very badly edited with him doing what appears to be some clumsy karate chop towards the sides of the camera... maybe its all just an illusion.
Half the time he is just sat around pretending he's black, and that he's down with the ghetto language. Hmmm. Yeh. Exactly.
One good car chase. Two Alright fight scenes. Two questionable shootouts. Some pathetic attempt of a reference to dreams. No characterisation. No plot... unless you count guy gets fucked over and imprisoned so goes after the people who set him up verrrrry slowly, an original plot.
In the last five minutes of the movie he just basically goes in and shoots the bad guys or blows them up. No Fighting Needed. And then gives all the money to a children's hospital. Awwwwww.
No thought was given to this movie. The dialogue was written by a 5 year old wannabe gangsta. The little details are all out of place and messed up. And no Seagal charisma!
Seagal better get his bloody act together, remember his last classic... Into the Cesspit ??? (Into the Sun)
Overall one of Seagal's worst!
Today his career died?

Seriously... what the hell?
If this movie didn't have the right balance of fighting in it I think everyone would have just laughed at Van Damme.... More so.
Because we are such a lucky audience he decides not only to star but direct and write as well... and there is a reason why he hasn't since. Let me set the scene:
Old man Damme walks into a cafe when three men hold it up (typical) and even in his old man state he manages to push two of them all over, befriending the bar owner he begins to tell his tale of how he was a homeless clown looking after a bunch of homeless orphans. But pisses off the Mr Big figure after using stilts to kickbox a load of policemen. (Yeh I did say kickboxing with stilts)
Promising to come back to the orphans he flees but ends up aboard a smuggler's ship where he has to do all the labour, and just when they are about to do-him-in James Bond, cough, I mean Roger Moore attacks the ship. Impressed with the way Damme can hit men with chains (???) he kidnaps him and sells him to some Thai people who train him in their martial art while Moore buggers off.
Meanwhile in The Lost City the ultimate fighting championship is taking place to win a solid gold dragon... the size of a small car.
Van Damme and Moore go to the lost city where Damme takes a place in the championship and wins.... but declines the dragon to save his friends... who betrayed him.
What do you think?
Its just so bad and tacky that the mind boggles. Its half arsed in all respects. The directing isn't bad when it comes to action sequences, but its not good. And to have the story resolved by Damme telling us how he went home empty handed and managed to help a bunch of homeless people is pretty fucking poor.
Moore is the best thing in it and his comic acting abilities shines through. The fighting scenes are impressive but it just feels a bit too little too late. Finally the giant build up to the final fight scene feels like is should have been so much better. Its sooooo bad and for those reasons its quite good, if not taken seriously.

Hard to Kill? More like Hard to Watch!
Just another one of Seagal's easy to fall asleep to movies brimming with out of date 90's retro feeling. Oh yeah?!
So Seagal... A.K.A: Mason Storm... cue pun, is an undercover cop, uncovers a cunning ploy to act some crooked senator elected. But wait, oh yes the crooked senator guy, you know... the baddie from Die Hard 2? No? Yeh no one remembers him. Anyway he get's some dirty cop's to go and kill Seagal and his entire family.
So Mr Storm ends up in a coma... wakes up seven years later... cuts his hair and don's the exact same waistcoat he wore seven years ago... and goes out for revenge...
Exciting stuff right? It would be except it's shit.
I've seen better acting in nursery nativities and less inaccuracies too. For example if you fire a sawn-off shotgun and then stick the barrel in someone's mouth... chances are it would fucking burn! And i'm pretty sure anyone in their right mind could out run a bed-ridden coma patent as he pushes himself around with a broom! Oh not in this movie! I'm pretty sure this movie was directed by a 5 year old idiot!
I know I can give these movies stick sometimes... mainly Kickboxer, but it's because I use Kickboxer as my control group, as in its a good movie for the wrong reasons! But this movie doesn't even try. A future echo of all the lazy shit movies Seagal has yet to make.
Kelly LeBrock has no acting talent in this movie and was generally badly cast, the baddie... William Sadler didn't even get a full showdown in what is meant to be your typical action movie. No instead he's hiding in the closet! Hmm.
There are only about 6.5 Fights, 2 shootouts. ...and a whole lot of nothing else to keep you interested either.
Funnily enough this didn't get a DVD release in the UK, probably because a certain Mr Akido expert is still trying to keep the fans he has! Or a Miss LeBrock who was brought up in England is ashamed of her OTT English accent.
Pretty poor show all around.

Hmm, after this movie I kinda still had a few questions left unaswered... basically...
Who, What, Where, How, When... an Oh my God.... WHY!?
For the record i've tried watching this 3 times. That's right... 3! And only fallen asleep twice!
Did Mr Seagal even read the script on this one... or did he just run with it... so to speak? Hmmm that explains his whisperings...
This movie is fucking terrible!
No excuses.
I can't even explain the plot... something to do with Seagal having to "recover" a conspicuous "package." To which a load of people don't want him to. Oh but he does... and shit blows up... people die. Turns out the package was a "black-box" off an aeroplane that blew up... due to suspicious circumstances. The end.
Now didn't that just sound thrilling? Don't you just want to slap the writing crew on the back and buy them all a round of drinks...
The pace of this movie was totally drab, the acting non-existent... and in some cases I though they'd just got the local amateur panto players in to fill the cast list.
(Example 1: Dramatic, slow-mo scene where Seagal is rushing a mother and her daughter out of a burning house! ... The little girl is smiling...can't help but think that little girl wouldn't be smiling over her mother's charred corpse)
The action sequences weren't too bad... but for some reason the "bad guy" just kept shooting people for the sake of it... with no real explanation.
(Example 2: One of the main character's is shot by the "bad guy" after the entire movie was built up to this point... the end?... you'd think so wouldn't you?But no. The movie somehow continues for a good while longer... going nowhere!)
Oh and nearly every building that Seagal walks into is guarantied to blow up at some point!
Seagal, or fatty to his friends, literally bitchslaps a few people... doesn't blink once... waddles off camera.
Cut to scene of Seagal reading a letter on a boat. Cue end credits. ..... ?
Ok ok, maybe i'm being a bit harsh, the movie did have some good points;
-It cured my insomnia.
-It made me laugh.
-I now no longer fear death as much as I fear having to sit through this fucking film again. Appears to be filmed in eastern Europe by the looks of it, which isn't surprising when you consider the rest of the world doesn't want anything to do with it!
Looking back what I wish I'd done is fast-forwarded the movie and watched the commercials....
Just. Don't. Even. Bother.

Chuffing Hell! How the hell did this movie get the green light? Seriously though, movies like this irritate the shit out of me. I mean I guess it's fantastic if you're after a movie that makes you feel like you're on PCP, otherwise it's absolute utter wank! The first was great in what it stood for... mindless action. This on the other hand is just mindless...
No decent action sequences, a very half-arsed attempts at humor, shit camera angles (possible shot from the hip), dull characters, terrible.... terrible dialogue and pointless cut-scenes all make this an EPIC FAIL!